Joined: 17 Oct 2004 Posts: 211 Location: Blaine, Mn
I Am a Horrible Person! Posted: 10-30-04 19:10pm
Ok this is what happened
after I posted my whats wrong with me, I
got a text message from paul about a half
in hour later. Its like he can hear what
im thinking so weird. Anyways, the text
said "can you come over?" and I texted him
back saying "sorry you texted the wrong
person" then he said "no it was the right
person" then I thought omg something is
wrong! Its 4:30 in the morning! So I had
him call me, he told me nothing was wrong
(even though his dad was in the hospital)
so I went over there I had no sleep and I
had to work at 10. I went over there and
as soon as I saw him. I knew. I cant go
through this with matt. So I went over
there and gave him a huge and I could feel
my heart breaking but I was happy seeing
him. He told me how sorry he was and
everything he felt. He thought by pushing
me away he could forget about me and he
thought if we were still friends, he would
want me back and he realizes he made a
mistake. Well we non-stopped talk till
8am. Then..... The unthinkable happened.
He kissed me. (oh and he knows about me
and matt) and after he kissed me he looked
me in the eye and said "i love you so much
kindra" and I just started crying. I told
him "i love you too" when I kissed him,
everything came fully back. I had to
leave so he told me to call him right when
I got off of work. After work I called
matt and broke everything off. I know I
hurt him and I feel so bad that I did but
I cant be with him and having wedding
plans if im in love with another man. I
went to pauls house after work and we just
cuddled and we talked about what we
wanted. I told him that I cant be with
him, I cant be with anyone. He told me he
wasnt been with anyone. He drinks to
forget about me. So right now we have an
extremely close friendship. And to be
honest I feel amazing right now. Im going
to college alone. I wanna get through
college alone. Im going to have me time,
I need time alone. As for me and paul, we
will be together again one day, when were
both ready.
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004 Posts: 2173 Location: ,
Posted: 10-30-04 21:14pm
Hun, take your time with things. I dont
really know what to say 'cuz everything is
ur decision and I support you no matter
what. If you ever need to talk, dont
hesitate to get at me, please! I hope
everything works out between you two and
that u made the right decision. Just
follow your heart and everything should be
okay. I went through the same thing. I
got with someone else after I was with al,
and then al came back into my life somehow
after seeing and speaking to him after so
long, all my feelings came back so I cut
the other guy and got back with al. I'm
sure I made the right decision because I
knew it wasn't gonna work out with the
other guy anyway, it just didn't feel
"right", but he kept telling me he loved
me. I knew deep inside I loved al
thought. Like I said, follow your heart
and do what it tells you. Your heart
never fails you.
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jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004 Posts: 4107 Location: San Diego, CA
Thanks: 11
Thanked:3
Posted: 10-31-04 18:42pm
Do you think one night of talking and
kissing is gunna make everything okay
agian though? Do you think u gave
everything up with matt and something may
end up wrong though?
