Hello,
i have a bit of a problem and it will take
some time to type it all out so please
bare with me and I really appreciate you
reading my post.Ok
i am in a realtionship with a guy we have
been together for a year and a half
now.There were times when I wanted to
finish the relationship but did not seem
to be able to.Any way we have been through
good times and very bad times together.I
fell pregnant in june and we were both
ecstatic.Unfortunatly I misscarried.Now I
didnt cope very well to start with and
aparantly my partner says I pushed him
away and treated him like caca.Maybe I did
I dont know and didnt realsie I was doing
it at the time if I did.My partner has a
very short temper and when he loses it he
usually throws something or smashes
something up.He has explained this as
something "men do" when frustrated or
angry.Anyway I fell pregnant agin in july
and my partner did not react well at
all.He became very distant from me and
very angry.I tryed talking to him about it
and he said in a roundabout way that he
wanted to get rid of it.I was heart broken
as this is not what I wanted.We shouted
and argued and to get some space I said to
him im going to give us some space.So I
got up went towrads the door,he followed
me and shouted that "if I go its over" I
went to open the door and he put his hand
on the door to stop me and put his hand
straight threw the glass door.Blood was
dripping everywhere.He walked off into the
street and wouldnt let me help him.I was
hysterical.I eventualy got him back in the
house.I then left.Well we had some
space.To cut a long story short he ended
up "doing what I wanted".
He has a stressful job and it pays very
good money.But I feel deep down he does
not like his job.Through the whole time I
have been with him he has had five jobs
and never seems happy.Anyway we got on
with things and things seemed ok again gor
a while.Then he had an argument with a
boss form work telling him to "f*** off"
and smashed up his phone infront of me.He
tells me he doesnt want to let me or the
baby down but walks out of job after job
and hasnt saved anything.
We got on with things again I even
suggested some couple councilling which we
did and it seemed to help.
Then unfortunatly I had some very bad
problems with the pregnancy meaning I was
in out of a+e.It tokk its toll on both of
us as we thought we were going to lose the
baby.Im now better and nearly four months
along.But I have spent nearly every day of
this pregnancy in tears.Maybe im being
selfish and if I sound it please someone
tell me.But all I know is that I have been
working hard saving every single penny I
have for us and the baby and all he does
is buys computer games and sits and plays
them for hours.I started to think he was
depressed because he had all the signs,
angry,sleeping all the time etc.
Anyway I still live with my parents as we
are supposed to be saving for a house.But
again I have been the one running around
looking at places,trying to sort things
out.I feel like he doesnt want to get
things sorted out for us and when I try to
talk to him about it he says that im
putting "too much pressure on him" and he
cant cope.Well today kind of pushed it a
bit too far.I thought I would try and make
an effort with him I suggested I take him
shopping.I tryed to talk to him about the
things I was worried about.But he
flipped.He shouted and we argued and he
was hitting the inside of my car he told
me he hates me,that im a promiscuous
person,slag,prostitute etc,he threw my
phone out the car.I asked him calmly to
leave but he wouldnt.I tryed to get out
the car and he followed and shouted.I got
back in the car and said to him I think we
should have some space,you get someone to
pick you up and I will go home.He got out
the car and walked off.I looked in my
mirror and saw him,i stoped the car and he
put his hands threw the back window.
Again I was hysterical,shaking like a
leaf.Someone came out to check I was
ok.Eventually my parents came and met and
clamed me down.
Im now home now,and away from him and I
feel pretty shaken up.
I dont know what to do,get out of this
relationship? He threatens to kill
himself which worries me alot.How could I
handle that if he did that?
Im so scared of being on my own with my
baby? Im so scared of everthing right now
and I dont know what to do and I know all
this is not good for the baby.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Amazing Star Posted: 10-31-04 15:03pm
Is this someone that you want to spend the
rest of your life with(think about it)?
You need to think about the baby and
yourself! He's not going to change! He
needs professional help and help within
himself, you are not going to be able to
help him! I have been thru abusive
relationships before, they don't change,
they always say they will change just to
get you back in there lives, and they
generally do change for about two weeks,
max and then they go back to being
themselves, they will twist things and
make you feel that it is your fault, you
at least have your family!
When the time is right, you will have
someone that treats you the way you should
be treated.
You are right, this is not healthy for the
baby or you!
Be strong, don't feel sorry for him!
I am sure that you probably will not
listen to me but I am speaking from
experience and you will probably say that
he is different but I will bet he is
not.
The best to you and your baby
sincerely,
sandy
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 10-31-04 16:11pm
Definately leave him! No, he will not
change. If he does change someday it
will be for him, not for you. And if you
stay with him and continue to put up with
him, he will not change because he will
have no reason.
Breaking things and losing your temper is
not what "men do." it is what people with
absolutely no self-control or self-respect
do.
If you stay with him it will be the worst
thing for you and the baby. If you won't
do it for you then do it for the baby.
He is worthless and always will be.
Don't let that "i will kill my self" crap
get to you. That is what losers say when
they know they have absolutely nothing
else to keep you with them.
|
AMAZINGSTAR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Nov 2003 Posts: 53
Thankyou Posted: 11-01-04 10:07am
I really apprecaiate all the replies
thankyou.But im so frightened right
now.Just after I posted my first post.I
had to be rushed to a+e asain with heavy
bleeding I was petrified.Im now home again
now and waiting for a scan.
My partner makes me feel very weak,he
tells me that I am the one with the
problem and that I need help because I
have been worrying alot?
I tried to say I didnt want to be with him
but he threatened me with court action for
the baby.What chance do I have? He syas
he will make out that I am mentally
disturbed and not fit to have my baby?
I feel uterly uterly destroyed at the
moment and very worried.I cant sleep,i
cant think,i cant concentrate at work.
He smokes and has smoked pot for years and
I always said this had something to do
with his mood swings but he just rubbished
that.He also snorts cocaine sometimes and
when he does do this it seems its a couple
of dyas after he blows up.
I explained that how would a court judge
let a baby leave with a father who
smokes,smokes pot and takes cocaine and he
told me he would blame that on me?
Im trying to put a barve face on how im
feeling at home.But im alone right now and
I cant stop crying.Im so scared and so
frightened.
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 11-03-04 13:36pm
Dearheart,read your posts as if you are
reading someone else's post.Would you
advise this person to stay with someone
like that??Would you tell this woman that
this is an ideal father for this child?You
may have issues,but his are by far greater
than yours.Many people who have anger
problems try to make their partners feel
as if it is their fault for them to lose
their tempers.You are not responsible for
his actions,you do not "make him do it".He
is a timebomb and could very well hurt you
and your baby.You said before that he told
you that his temper tantrums are just
something that guys do??!!!If my husband
ever did a fraction of those things-i
would have left a long time ago.A true man
does not take his anger and frustration
out on his pregnant girlfriend(or any one
for that matter).He is not a man,he is a
bully.And the pot smoking-he could be
putting you at risk!If he is caught with
dope and you are with him,the police will
not care if you say you do not smoke
dope,you could lose your car and be put in
jail!I know that you will do what you
want,but, that's human nature.Think about
what all of us have told you and good
luck.Patty
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AMAZINGSTAR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Nov 2003 Posts: 53
So Scared Posted: 11-04-04 11:38am
I understand what you guys are saying.But
but for some reason I still love him.I
still have feelings for him and I cant
just switch these feelings off.
From what happened on sunday everytime I
close my eyes or sit and think I keep
going over what happened with us.Was it my
fault? Did I cause it? I keep hearing
him scareming in pain and I feell so
guilty.He was holding his arm and ribs and
I feel so so guilty and worried about him
being alone at the moment while we have
this break.
I have just got back from the hospital and
they have told me that I have to take it
easy.My placenta is lying low and im under
close observation.If it does not move up
they will have to deliver the baby
early.So I have been told I have to take
it easy.But I cant help worry about
him.What he may do while alone? Im so
scared for him.I wish I could just cut my
feelings on and be able to get on with
things but even though waht he has
done.Over this break we have had I
actually miss him,i feel so alone,so
afraid fr him and what he might do its
driving me mad.Sorry to sound weak and you
guys must think im mad to stay with
him.But is not as easy as that.
|
PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 11-24-04 11:32am
Do not be afraid to leave-be afraid to
stay!!Patty
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Moira
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 302 Location: somewhere where it rains a lot
Re: Thankyou Posted: 11-27-04 08:43am
amazingstar
wrote:
my partner makes me feel very weak,he
tells me that I am the one with the
problem and that I need help because I
have been worrying
alot?
you're weak for worrying? What a joke.
I'd be a gibbering wreck if I had a
troublesome pregnancy with a guy like
this. You're not weak, sounds like he's
trying to make you weak. Of course you're
worrying - there'd be something wrong with
you if you weren't.
amazing star
wrote:
i tried to say I didnt want
to be with him but he threatened me with
court action for the baby.What chance do I
have? He syas he will make out that I am
mentally disturbed and not fit to have my
baby?
the courts always lean towards the mother,
especially with babies and especially when
the man is an ass like this. You're not
mentally disturbed, you're under a lot of
stress - there's a difference.
amazing star
wrote:
i feel uterly uterly
destroyed at the moment and very worried.I
cant sleep,i cant think,i cant concentrate
at work.
i understand hun. I couldn't cope in your
situation. Here's my advice: leave him.
For the sake of you and your baby, leave
him. Talk o your doctor and they'll be
able to put you in contact with welfare
and programmes that can help you: you're
not the first woman to be trapped in an
abusive relationship, and there are
support groups who will help you.
[quote=amazing star"]i explained that how
would a court judge let a baby leave with
a father who smokes,smokes pot and takes
cocaine and he told me he would blame that
on me?[/quote]
have you been holding a gun to his head
and forcing him to snort coke? Thought
not. He's the one doing drugs, he's the
only one to blame and any court will
recognise that. He has the problem, not
you.
amazing star
wrote:
im trying to put a barve
face on how im feeling at home.But im
alone right now and I cant stop crying.Im
so scared and so
frightened.
i understand hun. I was trapped in a
relationship like this for two years, and
I regret every day I wasted with him and
wish i'd left him sooner. Please leave.
You won't regret it, and you'll give a
much better home for you and your baby if
you do. Pm me if you need to talk or need
any more info.
