jessamyn
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Parent/child Question...
Posted: 11-03-04 21:41pm
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Okay heres my thing... I was a daddys
girl when I was realll little like born-3
years old... But when I was 3 my parents
got a divorce because my dad left... Took
off and left my mom with 3 little kids...
So yeah after that he was gone for a year
and my mom just convinced me he was never
coming back... And from then on I
actually called my moms best friend dad
for years.... When my dad came back he
only popped in and out like the longest he
stayed was a year (7-  but he was in and
out would see him for 2 weeks then nothing
I never got anything from him never a card
or a letter or anything he'd show up like
take up to family fun center or the beach
or something then leave... So when I just
turned 9 he officially took off... And I
didnt see him for years... I think he
called my mom like once or twice but shes
like I dont want u hurting them... So
like I basically havent seen him since I
was 9 however when I was a freshmen I
contacted him and told him I was at a
highschool down the street from his house
watching my bf's basketball game he said
hed be there in 5 minutes... We sat
around for like 4 hours and he was a no
show... So yeah I gave up on him
but as some of you know its been another 4
years and now i'm out of my moms house so
I dont have to hide it (i never told her I
called him as a freshmen) my brothers all
hate him and what not and would like
forbid me to see him and like my mom
too...
I mean I called her friend dad till I was
like 14 or 15 he moved right before I
turned 15 to washington so I dont talk to
him as much and my step dad I barely call
him jay let alone dad... So I havent
really had a father figure and i'm not
used to it... I've never bought a fathers
day card or said "yeah my dads picking me
up" non of that... So my question is...
Paul had me reunite with my dad... He
only lives like 10 minutes from my moms
house (no like 40 from me) and yeah its
been working so far this time I didnt call
him or anything paul and I just showed up
and its been about a month or two talking
to him... I showed up and his wife was
outside and I was gunna leave but she saw
me and I was like medical question! So I
got out and then walked up and was like
your gunna be a grandma it was weird but
I thought they had a right to know... My
dad say me and just melted and hugged and
said he loved me and just kept saying
wow...
Okay blah i'll get to the point I know
once your dad always your dad but I dont
know this man... I have no parent/child
relationship with him.. And I have to
keep it from my family... Do I call him
dad? Continue calling him bill? I mean
ive grown up started to get over the fact
he ditched me my whole life and have
accepted him as a person hes lied to me my
whole life and I dunno ive grown up but
what do I do? Hes not a parent to me
rather a stranger I just met...
Any ideas..
Sorry that ook me so long to get out
theres sooo many stories behind that man
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Location: United States
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Posted: 11-03-04 22:09pm
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Omg!! Jess your story is identical to
mine. To a t! My dad and I have the
same exact story. I've thought about
what I would do when I have kids if I
would even tell him or what not.
Anyways, I think this whole thing is up to
you. If he seems to keep his promise and
what not than go for it, but be careful
cause his past behavior will predict his
future behavior. As far as the dad thing
I don't call my dad dad at all because
he's not. He's my parent as far as
producing me, but he's not my dad. A dad
is what he should have been and even
though it bothers him that I don't call
him that he needs to understand why. I
know him less than a next door neighbor.
If he wanted to be called dad he would
have been there from the beginning.
That's my opinon though! My dad is my
stepdad. He's fathered me and been there
for me and he's seen me grow up. He
know's my little niches in life and what
scares me. That's dad! Do what you
want girl, but just be careful. If your
dad is like mine, which it sounds like he
is. He'll mess things up eventually and
you don't want to get hurt. My dad would
lie to me all the time, but I decided that
he wasn't going to have the option to even
do that. Anyways, if you ever need to
talk pm me. Hope this helps!
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jessamyn
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Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 4116
Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: 11-03-04 22:31pm
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Yeah but I dont call my step dad dad
either.. Thanks for responding babe...
Its sooo weird because like i'll call his
house and be like is bill there and
occasionally they will be like who is
this? I am like uhhh jess his uhhh
daughter I feel sooo weird saying that :-/
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LaDybUglOve
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Oct 2004
Posts: 172
Location: MIAMI, FLORIDA
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Posted: 11-03-04 23:10pm
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Wow  very sad story
jessa. I can just begin to imagine how
you must feel. My mom and dad separated
when I was 1, but luckily I have kept
pretty close to him. Dude I cant even
imagine calling him by his first name lol
would be just so strange.
I honestly think you should follow your
heart. For now you most probably feel
more comfortable calling him bill, then so
be it. I mean you cant expect to just
start calling him dad from one day to
another. (well u can if u want) but
seriously hes just starting to be in your
picture again, it will take time for you
to see him more as dad then bill. With
time you will see how he reacts, maybe he
starts making up for all those years and
you will feel like calling him something
rather than his name. Maybe a nickname,
and then maybe with more time it will feel
more subconsions to just call him dad.
Only time will tell hunn. But no matter
what just remember he will always be your
father. Nothing can change that, not a
name or a feeling, not the way he treats
you or the way he acts, nothing. So just
try to make the best of this reunion, and
dont worry about calling him something in
particular. Just go with what ever comes
out at the moment. (hopefully nothing bad
lol) 
i hope ive helped yah out a bit, I probaby
make no sense to you. Oh and I misspelled
a bunch of words sorry lol!!
Love yah ,
.. Stephanie ..
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pitterpatter
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Location: United States
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Posted: 11-04-04 00:18am
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I don't call my step dad dad either, but I
consider him more of a dad than my real
dad. I would just go with whatever is
comfortable to go with.
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jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 4116
Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: 11-04-04 00:33am
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Thanks guys muah
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nippz
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
Posts: 2173
Location: ,
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Posted: 11-04-04 01:21am
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Aww im happy you reunited with ur padre.
I dunno though, I bet if you called him
dad he'd feel happy inside (:
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mooma2binmarch
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 89
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Posted: 11-04-04 10:21am
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Do what ever makes you feel comfortable.
I haven't talked to my father in over 3
years (if you wonder why its cuz he was
drunk and killed my bro and my sis they
were 14 and 17) my step father is an
arse, and my mother is a gold digger. So
all in all I have my in-laws and they are
a great family. I call my mil mom and my
fil dad. But before all that happened
with my dad, I hadn't talked to him for
like 2 yrs, and when I started talking to
him agian I called him ron. About 6
month later the accident happened, so that
was it (just so you know, he was never
charged with thier deaths because legally
it was another cars "fault" just because
they hit him from behind, but it really
was his fault believe me) he lives about
20 minutes from me and will get liquored
up and call me and try to talk tome, but
no way......
.R.I.P. Amber leigh ( 2-21-84)
bryston allen (4-05-87)
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lil_blaze2004
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Posted: 11-04-04 12:41pm
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Jessa, I can totally relate to your story
except I really don't want anything to do
with my father. My mom got re-married
this year and I just met my step-dad for
the first time when I went to visit them
at the end of the summer (they live at the
other end of the country) I asked my mom
if my step-dad paul (lol-that's his name,
seems to be very common around here)
would adopt me (i am 25 years old) I
would have to change my name and
everything but for me I would rather be
related to him than my father.
Jessa it's up to you, what do you feel
comfortable calling him??? Yes he is
your father but is he your dad?????
There is a diff. Father=sperm dad=love
(at least that's how I look at it)
mooma-i'm very sorry for the sh*t your
father must have put you through.
Ok i'll be back after-my co workers just
ordered lunch and I gotta go in a diff
office because the smell.. Ew
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jessamyn
Supporter
Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 4116
Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: 11-04-04 13:15pm
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Omg mooma I feel like a brat whining about
my dad when your dad put you thru that! I
am soooo sorry.... Ive lost close loved
ones and I know how it is but I couldnt
image if it was ur father behind the
wheel! Forever in my prayers....
R.I.P
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mooma2binmarch
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Oct 2004
Posts: 89
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Posted: 11-04-04 14:22pm
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Lol, didn't mean to bum anyone out, just
sharing experiences. Lets get happy!
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rlr79
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Oct 2004
Posts: 75
Location: California
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Posted: 11-04-04 15:22pm
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Okay, so my hubby had the same thing
happen with his dad...He took off when
they were little and just got an
occasional phone call, if that...So his
dad wanted to come back into his life when
he was a teenager, and he flat out he
could call or come over whenever he
wanted, but told him never to tell him
what to do because he wasn't a "dad" for
all those years. Now, 13 years later,
they have a good relationship and he
actually works with him sometimes. I
think the bottom line is that whatever
your dad did or didnt do when you were
little, you just need to follow your heart
on what to do next. It's up to you how
close of a relationship you want to have
with him, and you're grown up enough that
you can make those decisions without
having to hide it from the rest of your
family. Your brothers don't have to talk
to him just because you do.
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jessamyn
Supporter
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Posts: 4116
Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: 11-04-04 16:13pm
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Yeah I just have a feeling the baby may
bring us closer together agian
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Ixannahsmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 200
Location: Oregon
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Posted: 11-04-04 16:31pm
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I totally understand jess I grew up with
out my dad there I mean he would call
everyonce in a while and send me b-day
cards but he always lived far away then
when I was 12 I went to live with him
(yeah that is a whole nother story) anyway
it was really weird like I didn't know
weather to call him dad or tom so for the
2 years I lived there I avoided calling
him anything I would just find some way
around it like I would just look at him
and start talking and hope he was
listening. I always thought he was awful
and I hated him for a long time and it
wasn't until 2 years ago that he came down
and visited me for the summer and I got to
know him as an adult and I realized he was
a great person and that he did love me all
along he just wasn't ready to be a dad
when I was little ( he was 17 when I was
born) now I have a great relationship with
him and I even call him dad which was
totally weird at first. So I dunno do
what ever feels comfortable to you. Just
take it one day at a time and try to build
a relationship with him even if it's just
friends I mean you are an adult now and
not really in need of a daddy but they are
always nice to have :d
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jessamyn
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Posts: 4116
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Posted: 11-04-04 16:38pm
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I dunno carissa u always comfort me hahah
thanks hun
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Ixannahsmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 200
Location: Oregon
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Posted: 11-04-04 17:17pm
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Hey no problem babe I probably bore you
more than anyting with my long replies but
hey whatever I can do to help ya out
sista!! 
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jessamyn
Supporter
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Posts: 4116
Location: San Diego, CA
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Posted: 11-04-04 17:30pm
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Hey babe whats ixannahs middle name I just
thought of the perfect match ixannah
liesel
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Ixannahsmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 200
Location: Oregon
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Posted: 11-04-04 18:15pm
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Lol you are too funny always thinkin! :d
it's her name is ixannah reianne
(pronounced rayanne) luvlyne ramirez. I
know she is gonna hate me when she gets
older. So she has two middle names.
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jessamyn
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Posts: 4116
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Posted: 11-04-04 18:41pm
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Omg I am in love with her name shes gunna
grow up and be some exotic hottie and have
the most superb name!
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Ixannahsmom
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jul 2004
Posts: 200
Location: Oregon
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Posted: 11-04-04 19:19pm
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Aww thanks I love her name too there were
so many good names and I just couldn't
narrow it down any further so she got all
three. Eveyrone in my fam thought I was
crazy but I didn't care. I love her
name!!! Now I have to come up with
another name liek that for this one!!! I
don't know hers is hard to beat!!! Any
suggestions???? I need a boy and a girl
name I want a boy but I am thinking it's a
girl. Either way I am happy rj said we
could have 5 so that is 3 more after this
one. I am sure I will get a boy in there
some where
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