He's Addicted to Porn

Hey amythyst:(roxanne)
he said many times, although he enjoys it,he would stop for me. I really wanted to believe him but after secretly video taping him he was at it again.I know many men would say that it is spying what i'm doing,and yes,in a sense it is,but I want to know if he's true to himself when i'm not there.I told him I think he has a serious problem.He said he may have but he'll change it for me.I think it's just like other addictions.He refuses to go to marriage counseling w/me because he says that no one should resolve "our problems".He says that he can take care of his own.Go figure! I have absolutely zero trust in him because the lies continue. We have a 2yr.Old daughter together and she needs him in her life.I do not want to break that up.Thanks for the reply.Have a nice day:)

Porn is a problem if he is using it as a substitute for real intimacy with you.It is obviously upsetting you,so that makes it a problem as well.Why does he feel the need to lie about it?Because he knows you will go apesh*t over it?I was engaged to a guy who had a porn adicction.Not just a little playboy or hustler,boxes and boxes of mags and videos.$$$ spent on pay-per-view every month-and no sex for me-unless I dressed up and played a hooker or some other "naughty girl".At first I thought this was kinda fun,but then I realized he would not make love to me without looking at porn or the dress-up.I tried to talk to him about it,but he was not willing to even listen.I could not help him and he did not want help.If your guy wants to work things out,you both need to seek professional help.Porn addiction is more common than you might think.It is a dirty little secret that not many people will talk about,but, as you can see,you are not alone.Take care and do not let his addiction make you feel that you are any less a woman.Those women are not real and they feed a fantasy.They are doing their job-to be a fantasy image.Good luck to you all.
Patty

Hey let the poor guy have his porn. I dont know why he is denying it, or why he is ashamed of it

Sometimes it feels like you're the only one whose man is dealing w/ that. My husband was raised as a strong catholic in catholic schools from day one. He is soooo wonderful! His achillies heel is pornography. All I have to do is ask him "have you looked at porn lately" and he'll look down and nod and turn red and apologize. He's had this problem from very young, many men do. I don't know how religion plays into all of your lives and I don't want to preach, just take this fo what it's worth.
Everyone has their weaknesses. Pornography addiction is a very hurtful one and satan knows that. I'm not saying that our husbands and boyfriends are demonic, i'm saying that satan is the prince of this world and he makes it nearly impossible for men to keep porn off of their minds. If your man goes a month or even a week without looking at porn and then goes and looks at it, you should congratulate him on his success in keeping away from it for x amount of time and that you know he can do that again. Don't hide your hurt feelings but let him know you are proud of his efforts.
My weakness is alcohol. I am not an alcoholic, I mean it, not in denial. But when i'm around it I really like to drink, when I have chosen to keep away from alcohol for a while it seems like all there is on tv and the radio is booze booze and more booze!! In this way I can imagine what it is like for my husband.
I suggest that to help understand his addiction we look at our weaknesses; be it overeating, drinking, smoking, shopping, etc, and look around and see how many things influence you to do that. I know that porn is a perversion, and somethink like shopping is not, but it's just an analogy.
God bless

Some of the posts you women made on here shows how crazy you are and more obsessed about his porn than he is.

I made a user name just to reply to this post.

Men look at porn
men will do it with or without your consent

most healthy men have erections when they are going to sleep or whatever and its almost impossible to fall asleep without taking care of it first. So maybe he should go outside and lay in the grass with an erection and wait for a sexy cloud to go by. Or better yet he can do what every other guy does and watch some porn. Guys need to to masterbate! And married or not you cant tell him he cant do that.

If you two dont live together or work different hours, you have no right to tell him what not to do in that area. You dont own him sexually. If hes not cheating there isnt a problem. Its all in your head.
Does he tell you what to think about when you masterbate ????

You freak out on him when you discover this, then try to comprimise when it doesnt stop by offering to watch it with him ?????
How are either of you going to feel comfortable doing that ?
You are going to be paying attension to him and not the movie.... No wonder he thinks its a bad idea. Geez

now for the woman who secretly videotapes her husband.....Deep breath....

Oh my god. This made my so angry I cant stand it. Almost funny in a serial killer kinda way. You cant trust him huh ? Who can trust you ?
If my gf did this, its over. You are overly obsessed and driving your poor husband insane. I feel for this man and I hope you havent destroyed him so badly that he can never stand up to you about this. You dont want to show them to him in fear that he will erase them...??!!?? What are you keeping them for is the question. Omg. You should go to therepy and while your gone he can masterbate in peace. If you cant accept him watching porn then you need to leave or learn how to stop caring.

Now onto the "devil" woman. All this devils of society crap makes you sound insane first off. Secondly an overly religous person as yourself wants to make humans feel bad about themselves for being......Human.
Oh and by the way im an alcoholic.... what. How dare you

the problem in your relationships isnt your boyfriends watching porn...Its the girlfriends self esteem issues.

Listen ladies,

i do understand why this could make you insecure about yourselves, but just let it go. This has nothing to do with you. Dont talk to him about it, dont try to figure it out, dont make him feel guilty.....Leave it alone.
You are making him feel ashamed and it will take a miracle for him to get over this enough to start being honest with you about it (why its your business I dont knnow) after the damage you have done to your relationships.

You can accept it, or leave him. Find another man and wait for it to happen again, because it will.

I am a 24 year old male, have a beautiful girlfriend of 6 years, who understands men and accepts us for who we are good and bad. I have a few porn movies on my computer, a couple playboys here and there. We watch porn together , I watch it alone, sometimes no porn and just sex with eachother.

How is all this possible ?? She never made a big deal about it and I feel comfortable with this. She doesnt have an issuse because she is more secure with herself than you women are. Go get a makeover, buy a new outfit, visit a gym...Whatever it takes to get your esteem back to an acceptable level because it doesnt stem from his masterbation.

That is all I guess. Im sorry but this post really upset me which is why it sounds like ramblings. Good luck hopefully trying to repair the damage you have done.

:lol:

No men should not lie, it is wrong and it ruins the trust in the relationship which I think is the most important factor in a realtionship. I dont think him watching porn is bad, lying is what the problem was. I would advise for you to talk with him. Compromise. Its okay to watch porn but lets do it together, or if that is something that you are uncomfterable with then talk to him about being honest with you. I think you need to make it clear to him what the issue is.

Well here's my two cents for what it's worth . My dh of almost two years watchs porn all of the time . My problem with it is that I have lupus with organ involment , and a host of other medical problems ... I'm not the skinny little thing he married as i've gain alot of weight due to the medications that I have to take , yes it does hurt that he choose's to look at this stuff , why because my self esteem is nothing , I mean I look awful , I wouldn't want to have sex with myself , if that makes any sense . I can no longer do the things that make him happy sexually any longer as my immune system is compromised and he does not understand why he can't have um booty . Hope I don't get in trouble for that . But he would rather go online and look at what other people are getin that he's not , he will not understand that I can't bend and do all the things that he wants anymore . The things that he looks at are very graphic . And I don't care what any of the men on here say ! It does hurt and damage a woman when a man has to lie , even when they've been caught red handed , it's easier to tell the truth than to lose the trust of someone that loves you ! Thanks my two cents!

I have been married for six years. For six years my husband has looked at any pornography he could get his hands on. I thought we had a happy marriage and a good sex life, but I feel very betrayed. I would find things along the way, ask him, he would lie and get angry. I blew it off a million times thinking he would stop doing it. We recently moved from an apartment into a house and we got dish network. We recieved several months of free hbo and showtime. The first night we had it while I was putting our one year old son to bed, he was watching soft core porn as I came back around the corner. Then several days later he had a early morning meeting. I was lying in bed as he got up to "get ready". He thought I was still asleep. I got up a few minutes later to find him masturbating to a show about a whorehouse. He blamed me, and said if I had, had sex with him the night before he wouldn't have done it. Which of course was a lie. He continues to do it. My problem is, I am so hurt and confused by all of this that it is running my life. I never leave home without him, if he stays up until three in the morning, I do to. Our son gets up at seven every morning, so you can imagine how tiring this becomes. I have lost all of my friends. I never go around my family anymore. It consumes my life. He swears he will stop but just a few days ago I found stuff on the computer. Please someone tell me how to fix this.

Hey!

Just a thought, but I actually watch porn with my boyfriend. It's kind of fun bacause we laugh together, and try some new moves. It also makes me feel good that he is watching it with me, and he always wants me to watch with him. He also tells me all the time what he likes about me better than what is on the screen. I don't know maybe try to look at it and understand what he wants from it. I wouldn't care though if he watched it alone. But at the same time he doesn't have an addiction. It will be okay sweetie! Atleast he knows how it hurts and he admits he has a problem.

I wish you luck! Stay strong, and you are not stupid for forgiving him ever! It's all about love.

I agree with greedymike80. You ladies who are worried about your husband watching porn need to relax..

Men dont necessarily watch porn because they dont like their partner. They watch it just out of curiosity to learn things and to see what different types of beauties are out there and who is doing what to whom...

And I also agree that women have no right to object if the guy masturbates. As long as he is not sleeping with anyone else, it should be ok. Remember you married him, you didnt buy his life and soul (and dick)

I just want to say to all you out there who think that lying or having to hide something isn't cheating to a loved one then you all are stupid!!!! Or don't have any morals. Or maybe you should wonder how it will feel to be in that other person's shoes. I am not a hater about any one subject but I do have morals and anytime you have to lie about something to a loved one or a person you truly care about then you're are definetly doing something you shouldn't be doing!!!!!!

Sometimes you have to lie to not hurt the other person.

Say a guy meets an extremely sexy woman while his wife is around.
Would the guy let his wife know that she is a cow compared to the sexy woman? Or would he lie to her and say that his wife is the best?

If the guy likes to watch porn and he wants to keep it a secret for whatever reason, I think he is not lying to his wife, only hiding something that would otherwise hurt her..

Okay, so totally forgive the guy.. It's just porn.
It's not like he's going out and cheating on you.. He's just watching it.


:)

not a big deal.
Everyone has their own addiction..
His is porn... Could be worse.

Dear lady, it is good you forgave him. Keep forgiving, provided you believe in him and love him as you claim.
I also believe you can be instrumental to him stopping the porn addiction. The steps you can take could be discussed by the two of you. It will just make you closer and better.
All the best.

Sex is good. Masterbation is a natural means of pleasure. Throughout the millions of years of human evolution, sex has been our way of maintaning survival. We breed, just like all other animals do. I believe porn is good for ones sexual health. Look, I like porn, and jesus was a pimp. It's just that simple.

I recently caught my boyfriend of 1 year looking at porn on my laptop while I went out to rent us a movie. He denied it at first, but later apologized. Then not long ago, I found that he was going to download more porn while he was on my laptop while I was at work. He said he cancelled the downloads before they completed. But I wouldnt really know.

Few months ago, I caught him calling datelines and signed up for dating websites.

He tells me his looking at porn has nothing to do with how he feels about me.

I told him it hurt me though, but he still continued.
He admits he is a porn addict.

I dont understand why he cant do it on his own time at home. Why does he do it when he's at my house when I only went out for half an hour to rent a movie.

Is this a problem? I want to leave him, but im not sure.

Can he still love me and like me like he says he does?

Bombard him with porn magazines. Bring him xxx movies and let him watch them all. Eventually he will get somewhat bored of it or at least become less fascinated by it.

You know...I don't want to get heated on this but I dated my husband for 3 years and married him(now been married for 4 years) I had no idea he had a porn problem. The 1st year of our marriage was hell. I found porn all in the computer the 1st year and forgave and forgave and let it drop. The next 2 years were happy ones at least I thought. I am not ugly by any means and tried to please my husband in every way but at the same time not being a door mat. I am college educated and have worked very hard with my husband and my children ages 3 and 1 year. Well, some things were not clicking after the 3rd year. I knew he was still looking at porn and I said nothing. But deep in my gut I was afraid this would get out of hand. He thought he married someone nieve I guess because I was so loving and understanding and forgiving not to mention I was adventureous when it came to sex. He was gone to work (24 hour duty in the navy) and I hacked into the computer. Found his active email addresses that I never knew about and hacked into those. Low and behold, he had slowly worked up to web cams, then started talking to these girls, then putting ads on dating sides and (a big surprise) emails where he had met some of these people and cheated on me. And even though I had absolute proof, he still lied to my face.Your hard drive doesn't lie. I left him for 5 months, he promised to go to counseling, I came back to florida and he backed out of going to counseling. He has treated me very good since being back but, hmmmm, where's my trust? I am going to go to counseling by my dang self while he is on deployment right now. I don't know where i'm at in life right now and he's changed his tune completely but backed out of counseling. He couldn't believe I had the guts to leave him because I had always completely been there w/ out question. But I will not hesitate to go through the divorce if these cycles pop up again. I have this internet while he is gone but it will be turned off once he is back. It's like keeping alcohol in the house w/ an alcoholic. And trust me, he was very good at hiding all this. He started w/ porn, then starting communicating w/ people, then cheated so yes, porn can be very damaging and can ruin lives. Addictions are horrible. If your man has a problem and can't stop looking at it and lies, it can turn into getting a bigger high by going further just like any drug. Forgiving, forgiving and forgiving....Yeah, that's all good, but if you don't hold him accountable for the lies somehow, you are enabling them to just get away w/ it. They will take the consequences of you gripinp at them, being hurt, etc. As long as you don't take more serious action than that.