He's Addicted to Porn

I will agree that if he is not saving enough for you, then he is going too far.

But yes he is fantasizing about the women in the photos, and he is looking at women on the streets. But does that mean he wants to cheat on you, or he prefers those women over you. Maybe not. If he does, the issue is deeper than the porn and the girls in those porn vids or mags.

Minny, do you mean you have never noticed how good looking another guy was. You have never been attracted to another guy, while in a relationship? I am not asking if you acted or not, that is not the question. The question is, have you ever felt yourself stir over a good looking guy?

Next, men are visual. Men are sexually aroused more so visually than they are by imagination or by words, or talk. So that is why he is looking at porn.

Minny your worries along with many other women are not always warranted. Granted the number of times he has a wank might be a cause for concern. Nonetheless, men have their porn, and women have a vibrator. I would tell any man who gets jealous of a woman who has a vibrator to grow up and stop being so insecure. But there are many a men who expect their girlfriends and wives to throw the thing away when the man shows up. How selfish is that? Your partner is trying to control your own personal behaviors and sexuality. To me that is the ultimate in arrogance.

Minny not saying you are arrogant. You do seem to have a concern, but as far as him looking at porn, or being worried about him looking at other women, you are not being reasonable. It is natural for people to look at other attractive people. When they are on their own, and by themselves, fantasizing about attractive people is also not a problem. The problem is when the person wants to take it beyond this level and make it a physical relationship with fantasized person. If the boyfriend/girlfriend is in a pre-existing relationship, they are now trying to cheat. Before that, they were not cheating, but just daydreaming. Which is totally ok.

I hope I helped you understand a bit better. Get mad at the fact he can not hold out long enough to satisfy you. But I do not think you should be getting mad over him looking at women or porn. There I think what makes you mad is the fact you can not control him. That is wrong.

(of course when I say looking at other women, I do not intend this to include any behavior that is sexual harassment in nature)

yes look at porn, but some penis control is expected.

Well i've been with my boyfriend for going on 8 months now, we're very much in love & he's my best friend, and he still looks at it. And honestly, it kinda hurts! I mean I don't want to feel this way about it because most guys do it. It's pretty normal I guess. But the way I feel about it is, it hurts me inside but i'd rather it not. I'd rather just be okay with it because after all he is a guy. But something inside of me just wants to ask him why he watches it. Something inside of me just wants to sit him down and really find out why there's a different porn in his vcr what seems like almost everyday. I mean is it because he's just bored when i'm not there? I'm a girl that doesn't let everything her guy does get to her. Like if he's too sleepy for sex I don't freak out or whatever, and I don't call him every 5 seconds when we're not with eachother - i'm just not that kind of girl i'm truly laid back. But there's something about my bf watching porn that just really hurts deep down. I think it hurts every girl in a way when she finds that her man is watching it & probably getting off to it. There's just something about it that hits a jealousy spot inside of me. I'm a pretty attractive girl [or so i've been told most of my life] but when my boyfriend is watching these airbrushed, orange, fake-titted girls screw other guys & have threesomes and lesbian encounters & sh*t I mean it's just kinda like - okay? I really want to confront him about it because we have a pretty close relationship yet I don't want to seem all insecure. Basically I don't want to seem like the typical girl who's totally afraid of her boyfriend cheating on her. I'm not afraid of that at all because we have trust in eachother and we both believe that is the worst of the worst. Idk what to do - any advice people?

Lets look at it this way. Does a man have a right to get upset if his gf or wife has a vibrator and uses it? Should a man feel hurt, and insecure?

I would say, no, and that he should get over it. Actually he should be happy, because he has a wife that is sexually active.

However if she would rather use the vibrator over actual sex, than there are some issues. It might be addiction, or it might just be an indication that she no longer is attracted to me, or there is a loss of love in the relationship.

Chances are when you are getting passed over for a vibrator or a porn mag, etc, it is due to problems in your relationship, not addiction.

However masturbation is a normal thing, and no one should be getting hurt that their partner masturbates. To me that is your own problem, and may indicate you have control issues.

Well we all know every man out there is going to look at other women at some point in his relationship. I mean it's just going to happen and there's no way around it. But why do men in relationships try to hide the porn as if they're ashamed of it? How do men feel about watching porn vids when they're in a relationship with someone whom they really and truly love? I still can't find the words to say to my boyfriend. I'm getting there.. But I don't know how soon that'll be :/

Why do men hide their porn? Would you flaunt your vibrator around, for everyone to see?

I think I answered that one.

How should a woman feel for using a vibrator when she is in a loving relationship? I think a woman should not feel guilty at all, or be ashamed. Nor should a man be offended, hurt, or feel betrayed.

The same goes for a man looking at porn, a woman should not feel anything bad. It is none of her business.

Unless it is out of control, then it is actually not the porn but a behaviour issue.

You a getting up the nerve to say something to your boyfriend??? If it was me, and some one said to me that they did not like me looking at porn, and felt betrayed. I would say stop being so insecure, jealous, and controlling. It is my body, it is my life. I would then tell her to grow up, or get out. (because the last thing I want is an insecure controlling girlfriend or wife)

so yeah go ahead and say something. But I suggest you also mention my points as well. If you totally feel you are right, then also talking about what I have said to your boyfriend should be no problem. If you are totally honest, you have nothing to worry about.

I probably won't say anything to him. Just for the simple fact that when I found the porn, I was cleaning up for him. But I do have a vibrator, but it stays at his house haha, we use it sometimes during foreplay and whatnot but i've never used it unless i'm with him. I know my boyfriend isn't "addicted" to porn - he's just a simple guy who looks at it every now and then. I can't get mad because of it, or blow up at him, that's extremely uncalled for. But I guess it's just a part of our relationship that's natural. I can't stop it, it's not that big of a deal because he's not looking at it every chance he gets. But no matter what, I think all women feel a little uneasy about the subject. I do .. And i'm not a control freak or a b*tch at all.

I like you attitude. Just remember, him looking at porn is not a sign of him wanting to cheat. It is a sign that he is interested in sex, and all his parts are working.

Sorry this is a little long! But interesting. Hah.

Well .. Yesterday I went over to my boyfriends house like I always do, and when I walk in his room - there he is jackin' off to a porno mag. Hah! What to think, what to think. My initial reaction was to turn around and just walk out. [he knew I saw him.] so I did. I turned around and walked out and went and sat in the kitchen and just sorta had a blank stare on my face like "what now?" so yeah that was weird. He walked in the kitchen and said "what are you doing?" and grabbed my hand and we went into his room. He asked me what was wrong and so many different emotions were going thru my head all I knew to tell him was.. "that was just kinda weird." idk it really was just weird. Weird to walk in on the love of my life getting off to naked airbrushed models in a magazine. So for a few minutes I just was kinda speechless and didn't really know the words to say to him. He just acted like it was nothing and he said he was sorry and it was just normal of him to bust one before I got there so "he'd be ready for me." soooooo yeah. For a few hours we didn't even talk to eachother just sat there and watched tv. It was the most uncomfortable i've ever been around him. Really it was. It was so uncomfortable and awkward. I wanted to say so much to him but didn't know how. Finally I caught him looking at me and he hugged and kissed me like there was no tomorrow. We didn't say anything else about the incident - and I tried my hardest to get it off of my mind. I did for a little while, and we had sex last night. I laid there after we had sex and started thinking about it again and thinking "how the h*ll am I ever gonna forget this one?" I mean honestly i'll never be able to forget it. As dumb and as insecure and "typical girl" as I sound .. I'm only being honest about everything i've said. It was just odd I don't know exactly how to explain it. After I thought about it, I initially should've just walked in [after I saw what he was doing] and started helping him out! That's what part of me wanted to do. But I didn't. He probably would've liked that and that definitely would've put me up on the points scale. But I feel so weird now. I just still don't feel right after what happened last night. I woke up this morning and we kissed and I told him i'd see him later and that I loved him. He said the same back. But deep down there's this feeling that I don't want to be there. I hate it and I wish it'd go away. What do I do? How can I just remind myself that what happened should be just a laugh that only me and him can share? How can I just remind myself that it really isn't that great big of a deal as I am making it?

Someone please help me out :/

Well I would say you are on your way. You realized that your thinking is wrong. That is a start.

Yes, you bf was pulling one off to an airbrush model, in a paper magazine. A fantasy, a non-real, thing. No more real or alive than a vibrator is compared to a dick. Yes, you should have jumped in, and helped him out. I think it would have been a good experience, one both of you would have enjoyed.

Now, for you to get over your weirdness. Some people might take offense to this, but you have to realize what you bf was doing is his business, and imo it is natural. He was doing nothing wrong. However, due to certain religious values and mis-guided feministic values(not saying all feministic values are wrong, just those seek to control other people and those values that have issues with sexuality). You feel he is cheating on you, thus the shock and the "air brush" model comment. You might also have feelings that he thinks those women are better than you, and that he only thinks women are meat. Of course he does not, if he did, would you actually go out with a cave man, or a red neck who thinks you should be bare foot and pregnant in the kitchen? So no he does not think less of women. The porn mag is just his way of doing his job, nothing more nothing less.

In terms of if you feel he is cheating on you, that is just plain crazy as I explained in previous posts. You have to internalize this idea. He is not cheating on you, you have been brainwashed into thinking that if he looks at another woman he wants to cheat on you. That is just crazy. All humans take note of who is good looking or not, that is part of our nature. It is natural for us to keep our eyes open for a potential mate. Yes, men are more aggressive or obvious when they look at women, but that is all they are doing. Being sexually aware, and findng other women attractive is not an indication of his desire to cheat. It is him feeling comfortable with you enough to be able to be himself. Now, of course he should not being gawking at every woman, and nor should he be making comments to you or in front of you. But if you catch him looking every now and then, just be happy. At sometime he must have looked at you the same way, and he must have thought you good looking. Actually he must have found you so attractive that he just did not look, but he actually did something about it. Now think of all the girls he looks at and has looked at, and think yourself to be in an elite class, one of only a few in his history of dating women, you are his girlfriend.

Lets say he looks at a 100-1000 girls in a run of a week. How many weeks go by, or have gone by, before he asked you out? Just think out of all those girls, you are his pick. He chose you. If you think about it, you have every reason to trust him and feel confindent in him. You do not have much to worry about at all.

I will qualify this, by saying if he is looking at women in a subtle way. He is being mannerly about it. If he is just looking at everything that moves, and he has a head on a swivel, and he is basically drooling at everything, then you are in trouble. Such men are not rare, but they make up just 1 or 2 precent of us. Chances are you man is not one of these guys.

So, I say your shock is because you have been taught to be shocked by many mis-guided things in society. Now that you realize your thinking is wrong, and hopefully realize that your shock is not a result of your actual your free independent thinking, you should be okay.

Dont let society tell you what to think. Let your feelings and instincts tell you what is right or wrong. Society is not always right, sometimes we have to ignore those ideas created by man for those created by mother nature, which is a force far greater and better than man.

Okay let me just get this out there. I do not, in any way shape or form believe that porn is cheating. That is stupid and senseless. Porn and cheating are 2 very different things. I never said that..

Thanks for your advice seriously! It helps. I'm trying to just have the most positive, creative outlook on this as possible. I mean come on, a little sex never hurt anyone. Well.. Nevermind.

I can't believe so many other people are having the same problem I am. My boyfriend is addicted to porn. Not even porn, just pictures and videos of nude girls. I just tried to post my big long story and it logged me out. But basically, I'm scared, confused, hurt, depressed, angry... I don't know how much longer I can take this. Help?

LOOK
ok ok ok iknow...were women. were all insecure about our bodies and our looks. we always will be NO MATTER WHAT WE LOOK LIKE!!! until we learn to get past this one thing......
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looks are unimportant in the long run.

therefore, visual stimulation is nothing compared to spending your life with a real live human being.

men will always look at other women. most will not admit to it. this is because women are insecure and dont understand that sexual desires for a man are an instinctual thing, and not emotional. There is a difference between having sex and making love. Women will always have emotional ties to sex because it is instinctual as well. We cant seperate, men can.
Men have this thing called a penis, and it is constantly needing "release". Men watch porn to help this "release' so they can go on about their business, or just because its a turn on to watch other people f*ck. Ladies, dont tell me it doesnt turn you on in the slightest to watch other people do it!!!

Men have higher sex drives then women. Men and women are wired differently.

Ill be happy to e mail you a photo of me so you can see that porn hasnt a thing to do with how you look!! Im a gorgeous 22 year old stripper who is constantly at the gym, and my man looks at porn!! he doesnt lie about it, and i dont care that he does it as long as i get mine Hell, ill even watch it with him!

so please, jsut know that porn jhas no emotional attatchment!! men will alwyas look, even if youre pam anderson!!!!!!! so calm down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he wouldnt be with you if he didnt love you.

end of story

oh ya, but if hes lying, DUMP him cuz he will lie about other things too.

Well, I was surfing the net and thought I would google what I am going through. Well my partner definitely is addicted. I should have seen the signs we were apart for many years...and his job entailed him being away a lot...so I can understand the need for arousal...but then I would join him...and he would send me away so he could get off on his own. Not that I am not willing...because that's not the case...he has suggested it has to do with my weight...and that he would give it to me more often if I was not as heavy...but his tendencies include downloading and masturbating most mornings...whenever I leave the house...he seems to be downloading and hides it from me...we actually had a big fight...a few months back and I told him how I felt...and he said he would stop...but instead he hid it and then by chance it popped up on the computer...he didn't clear everything I guess. We have been fighting a lot this is the first time we have actually lived together...but the sad part is we used to have a sex life and now his work and just him in general...he couldnt be interested...but he has the time to masturbate...the most recent blow up went something like this...he had to go away for work...so it was a last minute departure...he speeds home from work...grabs himself lunch and not me...even though I asked....starts the computer up and starts downloading porn so he has enough for the trip...and here I am the fool...rushing home to iron a few shirts for his trip...well I go to check email and there it is downloading so I flip...because for the last week I am begging for some affection...but he just cant seem to take the time to touch me...oh but his cuddling should be enough...I just dont know what to do...I gave him the ultimatum...but he says the porn is more important...sex life sucks...I feel like I am stuck in a rut...another thing to add is I made decisions for us to stay apart for him to further his career and I continued working...and I didnt want to move...so he figures he can make me pay for the choices I made of staying apart...when I should have been with him...someone tell me am I nuts???

You have got to be kidding me. You don't mind him looking at porn? Have you no self respect? If he is doing that now, what will it take to make him happy in ten years from now? It looks to me like you don't care what he does, because your willing to put up with just about anything to have him. Big mistake! He is not husband material, and as far as I'm concerned he isn't even a good boyfriend. He looks at porn, he drinks, and he's a liar, but other than that he is perfect? Give me a break. I have a husband that has never used drugs, doesn't smoke, drink, gamble, curse, doesn't have hobbies and sports that he spends all kinds of time and money on. He doesn't have a bunch of buddies to hang with. and he doesn't chase women or look at porn. And as far as I know, he has never lied to me. This is the kind of man you need. My husband works every day. I can time him with a stop watch for him getting home from work. He go's to church with me every Sunday, we go out to dinner at least twice a week. I have never had to work a day since we got married. He calls me every day from work just to see how my day is going. I haven't ever had to ask him to do any of this. It is just in his character. He has strong moral values and integrity. He isn't hen pecked, he is just a good man. OH! and he is gorgeous too! We have been married for almost twenty years. If you stay with this guy, he will make your life miserable. Ask yourself this. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life wondering what he is doing, and having to check up on him, and never being sure of him? Do you want all that drama? That what you've got in store with is guy. Dump him, before he breaks your heart and waste too many of your good years.

There is no way on God's green earth that my husband looks at porn. Don't measure my good Christian husband, by your sicko boyfriends yard stick. Your's could never measure up. I can see where your going, now your defending him. I feel sorry for you. You don't have enough self esteem and self worth to stand up for yourself. So, go ahead and put up with it for as long as you can. If you didn't want to hear the truth, than you shouldn't have asked.

Ther is no way on God's green earth that my husband looks at porn.
don't measure my good christian husband, by what your does.

childofgod.. hunnie you're making your husband out to be the most perfect individual on this earth. well you got another thing comin' for you. you talk to everyone on here like he's just holier than thou & so are you.. lighten up. if your husband doesn't watch porn.. yay for you. but i wouldn't bet on that. i also wouldn't bet on the whole "he's never lied to me" thing. get real sweets. nobody's perfect. you sound like one of those people that stick their nose up in the air everywhere they go because they are just soooooooooooooooooo right about everything & they never do anything wrong. wake up out of your little fairy tale & stop looking down at everyone else.

if things are great for you & your hubby.. wonderful. but you shouldn't sit there & throw it in other peoples' faces.. especially the people that come on this forum dealing with partners who are addicted to porn & would rather watch that than spend quality time with them. you need to think before you speak & have some regard for other people.

especially since you're so christian.