Ok I don't think I told you guys my whole
story because it is confusing and I didn't
want to confuse anyone.... Well I am 7
months pregnant and I just got married
oct. 29th 2004... My husband is not the
father, and I haven't seen the real father
since my 2nd or 3rd month.... They both
know who the father is and I thought my
husband would except it more than I
thought.... But I don't think he is ever
gonna get over the fact that it is not his
baby... Some days he is like telling the
world that we are haveing a baby and
saying its his... But then when he gets
mad and says stuff to hurt me like...
Your having tony's baby... (tony is my
ex) I was with sean (husband) before tony
and then I left him and dated tony... I
got pregnant to tony and I hated him I
could not live with him and I was still in
love with sean... I know I sound like a
complete prostitute here but I just don't
know what to do... Sean is always
bringing up that the baby isn't his and
sometimes he says I just went back to him
because I got prego... That is not
true... I made a mistake and I messed up
big time... I am nameing the baby
christopher sean after my husband not the
babys real father... Just last night we
were talking and I mentioned that I wanted
to have 2 kids eventually and he was like
no way I can't afford two... But before
he wanted me to get prego right after this
one... I asked him why he said that
before and he said well I thought you were
gonna give that baby up... Omg... I aske
him before if he wanted me to give the
baby to tony and he said yes... This was
before we got married... I burst into
tears... I can't ever give up my baby...
No way...Somedays he is all about this
baby... We got a two bedroom apartment so
I could do a nusery and we did the
bathroom in rubber duckies so the baby
would be amused while we bathed him... He
wanted me to name the baby sean but I got
him to settle for sean as a middle name...
I just don't understand how he can be two
completely differn't people about this....
So when we were talking last night I gave
him the decision... I said if he really
wants me to give the baby to tony then I
will... And I was crying when I was
saying this... But then the whole time I
have in my head... No way will I actually
give the baby to him I just want sean to
make the right choice on his own... I
know he will... I just want him to think
he is making this choice on his own...
But I will never give up the baby even if
he says to... But I think there is no way
he could give the baby to tony... I mean
he is a loser... He is sitting in jail
right now for only god knows how long this
time... I pray sean says we are keeping
the baby... Sorry this was soo long... I
just needed to get it out... Hope your
not to confused... I really ain;t that
great at wording things....
|
mommax3
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1134 Location: Virginia
Posted: 11-19-04 14:57pm
Girl, I will pray for you to make ends of
this, but seriously, I think you should go
to counseling with your husband, I am sure
that you are hurting really bad, and I
know you reealize that this is hurting him
too. You guys need to go together where
someone can talk to both of you and help
you and for him to know whether this is
omething he can truly accept. Hate to
say you don;t want your husband to feel
animosity towrds your child throughout
your marriage and your child's life
|
sarahsweet
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2004 Posts: 2485 Location: traverse city, michigan
Posted: 11-19-04 19:05pm
Oh man..I read your post earlier and im
sorry it took me so long to reply. I
dont know what to say. Your husband is
probably going thru a lot of emotions
about this baby. He loves you, so he
loves the baby, yet he is probably jelous
that it is not really his. Remember
though, that anyone can be a father, but
it takes a man to be a dad. Im sure he
will act as if he is the baby's father,
and love it, eevn though it is not his.
I wish I had better advice for you, but
you will be in my prayers...Good luck to
you hunny, and if you want you can pm me
to talk if needed.
|
little_woman
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Mar 2004 Posts: 765
Posted: 11-19-04 19:13pm
First things first you are not a
prostitute ok? And the dad of the baby is
the one who is going to help you raise him
not the sperm donor and you two should go
to couples counseling cause if you really
truly want this to work he needs to learn
to accept this child as his
meg
|
lilangel2905
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 225 Location: PA
Posted: 11-20-04 13:04pm
Thanks guys... Sorry I couldn't reply
last night we got into the biggest fight
ever... He even gave his wedding ring
back... But he has it now... It all
started last night when I said I was
hungry... He goes thats your fault....
(for being hungry?!) I asked what he meant
and he said its your fault you got knocked
up... I was like what does that have to
do with being hungry???? He just shrugged
and said I don't care and I don't want
nothing to do with it... I was a little
confused so I asked him what he didn't
want anything to do with... He said
everything... I asked the baby? He said
yeah.... We got into a huge fight... He
said that he would only stay with me if I
got rid of the baby... I asked him why
the hell did he marry me then? He said
that he thought I loved him... I told him
I love him but I am not getting rid of my
baby for you or no one else... He said
fine the marriage is over... He called me
a prostitute and a promiscuous person...
You know every name that could be hurtful
to me... Then he was like your right I am
in love with crystal (his ex) and you can
never compare to her... (crystal had a
baby also and it wasn't his but he was
gonna raise it as his own but they split
up and she left) I was like why are you
still in love with her... Obviously she
don't want you... Obviously she didn't
want you as her baby's father either... I
know that was mean to say but you have no
idea what he put me through... He said
don't you ever talk about her like that
you ******* prostitute... He said that he
was leaving and that he could take me baby
away because I am a physco.... Yes I am a
cutter but I haven't done it since he left
me the last time... We live on the third
floor in an apartment in the middle of
town... Well I said if you walk out the
door and go down thoses stairs I will beat
you to that sidewalk... He was confused
about that but I didn't care it made sense
to me... 3 stories high... I could dive
head first.... Ok ok maybe there is
something wrong with me... But I love him
so much... He can't leave me... I will
die!!!! Litterally... I haven't been on
my meds since I got pregnant.. But they
said I couldn't take that while pregnant
it could hurt the baby... I really should
go back to my shrink but sean keeps
telling me I don't need it its all in my
head...The reason I act the way I do is
because I want to... But somtimes I can't
control my urges to hurt myself... I am
scared... Scared for my baby also... I
would never do anything to hurt him I just
don't want him to have a insane mother...
Well as the night went on sean laid in bed
with me and I just had tears running down
my face... He said he was sorry for
everything and he loves me... Sometimes I
wish he would hit me instead of saying the
caca he does... I can handle that alot
better than words... Pain is nothing
anymore... I would rather feel it
physically instead of mentally.... I
don't know what the hell I am gonna do....
Sorry if this was long too... I just
needed to get it out... I am tired of not
talking about anything... I use to tell
my brother everything... But we moved out
on our own now... Now I have no one to
listen.... I would talk to sean but I am
afriad that I might trigger something to
make him mad again.... I can't take
this... I hate my life... Well I gotta
get going... Sean should be commming
soonn...
|
Kia
Supporter
Joined: 23 Jun 2004 Posts: 6594 Location: Planet Tampaxia,
Posted: 11-20-04 14:13pm
All I can think is he knew this when you
guys got married - so surely that is a
sign he accepts it? Men they baffle me
sometimes, I just hope everything works
out ok for you.
|
Nikki n Rudy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2004 Posts: 642 Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posted: 11-20-04 16:42pm
Does he not know that he can adopt baby
christopher? And since you're pregnant
and married (and hes not the father) he
took responsibility for it and wanted to
be his daddy. There is something called
presumed father...
Presumed father: the individual that the
law presumes, until shown otherwise, to be
the legal father of a child. This may not
be the actual biological father of the
child. The law in most states creates a
"rebuttable presumption" that if a woman
conceives or gives birth to a child while
she is married, her husband will be
"presumed" to be the father of the child.
A similar "presumption" can also be
created if a father voluntarily allows his
name to be placed on a child's birth
certificate. These legal presumptions
will remain effective until they are
successfully "rebutted," or challenged by
someone in a formal legal proceeding
|
sarahsweet
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2004 Posts: 2485 Location: traverse city, michigan
Posted: 11-20-04 16:52pm
Oh sweetie, I am sorry to hear you have to
go through this. It seems as if he is
emotionaly abusive to you, and you
shouldnt be going thru this, especially
during pregnancy. A happy mother makes a
happy baby, I would suggest getting some
marriage counseling??? Please consider
this!! You are in my prayers...I hope
everything works out for you, keep us
posted
|
manytravels
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Nov 2004 Posts: 159 Location: TN
Posted: 11-20-04 17:33pm
Ok that sounds really sucky.. I slightly
know where your coming from on the part
where he is doing name calling and
manipulating you into feeling bad about
yourself. When me and thomas first got
married in dec 02, when we would argue it
was just terrible and thomas would act a
lot like how you describe sean acting.
Its nearly 2 years later and he has cooled
off a lot. I go to a therapist also, and
thomas has tried to make me feel bad about
it before, I was diagnosed as
schizoaffective and thomas use to say
things like its all in my head and I
really don't need meds cause they don't
actually work, I just believe they do, etc
etc etc. Is there no meds your
psychiatrist will keep you on? I am still
taking 2 of mine and an 24 weeks pregnant.
Anyways.. It really sounds like he needs
some sort of anger management. I know its
not as easy as just getting him to go
though. And it sounds like he has some
sort of complex, or jealousy issue about
that other guy being the babies dad. He
sounds like he needs a lot of reassuring
that you want him and only him. I can
just advise you to be patient.. Maybe
things will change after the baby is born.
A lot changed after mckinzey was born, I
think her being born is what really tied
me and thomas. But I don't want to tell
you oh yes it will turn out all great,
cause it might not. If it doesn't change
after the baby is born, I know it don't
sound easy but it probably would be best
for your sake and the babies if you left.
Cause a child doesn't need to grow up with
a father who holds an animosity towards
him, and doesn't need to see his mom being
treated how he is treating you. Anyways..
I'm not good at advice but I hoped that
helped some
|
lilangel2905
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Oct 2004 Posts: 225 Location: PA
Posted: 11-20-04 22:58pm
nikki n rudy
wrote:
does he not know that he can
adopt baby christopher? And since you're
pregnant and married (and hes not the
father) he took responsibility for it and
wanted to be his daddy. There is
something called presumed father...
Presumed father: the individual that the
law presumes, until shown otherwise, to be
the legal father of a child. This may
not be the actual biological father of the
child. The law in most states creates a
"rebuttable presumption" that if a woman
conceives or gives birth to a child while
she is married, her husband will be
"presumed" to be the father of the child.
A similar "presumption" can also be
created if a father voluntarily allows his
name to be placed on a child's birth
certificate. These legal presumptions
will remain effective until they are
successfully "rebutted," or challenged by
someone in a formal legal
proceeding
you sound like you could help me with a
few questions... Or anyone else if you
know the answer please share it to....
What if the biological father wants to be
a part of the baby's life? Can my
husband get in trouble for putting his
name on the birth certificate??? I think
he wants to and I want him too... But I
just don't know if you could get into
trouble... Where can I get more
information on the presumed father
thing... I think that may help alot if I
read more info on that subject...
Thanks....Oh by the way so far the
hospitals don't have any idea who the
father is... On all the paper work so far
it says n/a for father.... Oh an thanks
to everyone else who left me posts... I
apprieacate the support... I just have to
look into the marriage counseling thing...
I haven't heard of that around here... I
hope its around here...
|
little_woman
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Mar 2004 Posts: 765
Posted: 11-20-04 23:14pm
If you want more information when it comes
to adoption and things like that check in
your state for laws since it varies, and
like I said above the one who will help
you care for your child will be the one
who deserves to be on the paternal side of
the certificate
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