Pregnancy Forum - My Mum And Nan Do Everything For Me...

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Q: My Mum And Nan Do Everything For Me...

asked by: Max_Mummy too be on November 25th, 2004

Experienced User

Im 26 weeks pregnant, ive known since I was 6 weeks, I didnt tell my mum and nan till I was 12 weeks though.
Ever since I told them, thyve been doing everything for me, well... Everything too do with getting things organisized for the baby anyways.
I was at college, but I had too drop out, as the chemicals in the dark rooms could have affected my pregnancy, and I was too far gone too get a job anywhere. So I now stay at home and clean the house. I live with my nan, who is highley obese, and dosent do anyhting, coz of complaining about her back, where I have pulled my back out like 12 times doing house work. My boyfriend is getting upset with me for doing all the housework, and being under lots of stress as well.
My mum and nan keep going out together, and talking baby things, and buying everything, which is upsetting me and my boyfriend, because we have been working very hard at saving money too buy the cot and the pushchair, and all the other baby things that we are going too need.
Does anyone know what I can do too tell my family too stop butting in with my pregnancy? I dont want too hurt them.

Replies(5)

Moira

replied on November 25th, 2004

Experienced User

Sounds like a difficult situation max.

As long as you stress that you really appreciate what they do for you, they should be fine. Try to explain that it's important to you and your boyfriend that you take responsibility for your baby and that you want to do things together to get ready for your new family. They may just thing they're helping you out and not realise that it upsets you, or maybe they're just excited and want to spoil the kid rotton. At the end of the day, you're the parents and you should get to decide and get to do things yourself. As long as you're appreciative and not disrespectful, they should understand - they've both gone through it themselves, so they should understand how you feel.

Regarding the housework, it's important that you don't harm yourself and at 26 weeks you must be finding it pretty difficult. The problem is if you're nan's obese, she's not in much of a better position - can you talk to her and explain that as you're both "disabled" you need her to help - it is her great grandchild in there so she must want to look after both of your health.

Let us know how it goes!

Max_Mummy too be

replied on November 25th, 2004

Experienced User

Yeh I have tried talking too my family, but they go on about it being a grandmothers priorative, just feels like they dont trust me too do it on my own.

Making matters even worse, is me and my nan live in a one bedroom flat, and I wont get my own place untill 6-9 months from now.

And house work, it seriously is, "if I dont do it it wont get done"

on another note..

I think this is the best forum ever! I feel so supported already. Thankyou.

Moira

replied on November 25th, 2004

Experienced User

max_mummy too be wrote:

yeh I have tried talking too my family, but they go on about it being a grandmothers priorative, just feels like they dont trust me too do it on my own.

have you tried putting it to them that way? Try telling them firmly that it's the grandmas perogative to support the mom and spoil the kid, not control the pregnancy. If it's stressing you out it's no good for you. It's your baby, not theirs.

max_mummy too be wrote:

making matters even worse, is me and my nan live in a one bedroom flat, and I wont get my own place untill 6-9 months from now.

is there any way around this? Are you entitled to any welfare?

max_mummy too be wrote:

and house work, it seriously is, "if I dont do it it wont get done"

oh dear, that's not fun...Have you tried telling your nan that you're just not up to it? It's important that you don't strain yourself. Can you cope with the house a little less tidy than you'd like?

max_mummy too be wrote:

i think this is the best forum ever! I feel so supported already. Thankyou.

glad to hear it! Post anytime you need to blow some steam off!

Tazzy D

replied on November 25th, 2004

Advanced Support Team

Just to let you know congrats first of. Secondly this is my opinion and I have 5 children and im preggo now.I wouldnt get upset with them buying everything or doing everything. I understand that you and your man want to do it, but the truth is hun you have 18 more years to buy stuff for this child, and you can never and I stress never have to much stuff for a baby. You can always still go out and get what you want as well. 2x everything is better than 1 that is how I llok at it. Also let them be happy and excited too. Some people dont understand but me I do. I just wish that I had someone buying stuff for me. I hope this doesnt sound or seem to harsh just given and explanation from another view. Good luck hun, and just maybe you can tell them what you guys want to buy and ask them not to get that.. Compromise good luck hun

mommax3

replied on November 25th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Send it to me!!!! Wink

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