Teen Pregnancy Forum - Has Anybody Been In This Situation?


Has Anybody Been In This Situation?

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Lildreamer

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

Has Anybody Been In This Situation? Posted: 10-19-03 04:29am


Hey everyone.........Ive been thinking of my ex-boyfriend(before johnny) and my big enemy,fabi, whose due to give birth any day now with his baby. Me and my ex-boyfriend go way back......Like 3 years ago. We were together when we were 14 years old. He was my first love...But he had these girls obsessed with him and every chance they got they tried to break us up. Well they succeded.....These girls at the time were 12 & 13.....The 12 year old one said she was pregnant and he left me becuase he wanted to make sure......These girls always said they were becuse they both wanted his baby.(yes at that age). She wasnt pregnant,but we remained broken up.The break up was horrible becuase I was in love with him. Those girls always gave me hell. We would always still see each other and talk on the phone always saying "i love you" to one another. Everyday one of those girls would say they were pregnant. After the break up and drama we drifted away from each other. Everytime I saw him it hurt.He got locked up months later and got out a year later. He called for the first time in along time this year. I was 16 at the time and we started talking again about what had happened on our break up & why we never got back together. Well we met up and I instantly felt old feelings coming back. After all he was my first love. Well he never said anything about fabi, he only told me that he hates her and doesnt want anything to do with her. He only spoke of us and being back together.He asked my mother for promission to be together again & promised to change his ways & to walk away from his gang. The thing was I told him about johnny and that I moved on. That didnt sit with him to well. I made the mistake to continue talking to him and having a secret romance w/him. Later I found out that fabi was 3 months pregnant by him.I was shocked cuz he never mentioned it.I saw it for myself.....He told me it was true. He said he didnt want to lose me again for the same reason. He wanted to be with me and not her. He wanted to take the baby from her and to raise it with me.He must be crazy!He knew I did not love him and I would prefer johnny. I ended everything then and there on the spot becuase I couldnt let him do that to her or the baby. She is one of my worst enemies but I didnt do it for her, I did it for the baby's sake. I told johnny I wasnt faithful at the time and he forgave me.(lucky me) could you imagine adopting your enemy's baby.I know there's nothing wrong with it, but wouldnt that be quite a situation. Well hes with some other girl right now and fabi is ready to give birth to his son. He'll never change.!! Would you have took in your enemies baby?Can anyone relate this. I just would like to know. I thought about him out of nowhere.Sorry if its boring it was just in my head and I want to release him and this from my mind.Thanx for giving me the oppurtunity. Last edited by Lildreamer on 10-26-03 13:30pm; edited 1 time in total

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Long Story...but Worth the Read, Trust Me!! Posted: 10-19-03 12:19pm


Ok, wow, I can totally relate to your situation...Its a pretty long story but ill try to make it suckers as possible...This is really hard to talk about, so bare with me...Ok this happened last january(i was 15, he was 17)...I met this guy through my friend, me and my friend wanted to hang out with some people one night so my friend called up her ex, and this other guy(my soon to be boyfriend at the time) and we all went out...Well me and this guy...We'll call him joe...Seemed to really hit it off right away...He was totally my type...Clean cut, physically fit,absolutely abercrombie and fitch...He did everything for me...He was my support system when things werent going too great(i thought), always called, and was always with me..... Okay now for the clincher.....His "ex girlfriend" was 6 months pregnant with his child....When her mother found out she was pregnant she kicked her out of the house....And yes, joe's parents took her in...So she was living at his house..... But, he was living at his uncles house while we were seeing eachother because he said he didnt want to be with her, and his parents were forcing him to, so he had to get out of that house....And yes, people have asked me, including my mom, why I would even want to get involved in a situation like that...Well, my answer... I wanted to give him a chance, I hadnt known too much about his past(at that time) and didnt think it was fair for me to blow him off just because he was going to become a father in the next few months... Im not a judgemental person at all...And now that I really analyze the situation, 1/2 of it was because I wanted to be a mommy, and he was my chance to become that... Everything was going great, he called me every day and every night, when we werent together we were talking on the phone....We had 3 hour conversations on aol and I saved every single one of them(pathetic huh?) there was something about him, its hard to explain...But I seriously considered myself being with him for a while. After about 3-4 weeks, he told me he loved me...Then about 2 weeks after that, he asked me out..I said yes. We sat and talked about the baby and what was to come in the future....He told me that he was going to get full custody of the baby so that the mother couldnt see her, because he knew she was going to be an "unfit mother" because she was only 15 and immature...He told me when the baby came he was going to let me watch the baby while he was at work, and basically take on a step-mother role in her life... Well, wanting a baby already, I was absolutely ecstatic about this, even though I had my doubts about him getting full custody...I told him I was going to be there for him and his baby no matter what....So basically I was willing to change my life for this guy.. All was going great, I thought stronger then ever...When the day before valentines day came around...I was home sick from school and was in bed all day...My mom left to go run some errands so I was home alone...I called "joe" that morning and he seemed to kinda blow me off, he told me he would call me back after he took his shower and got dressed...Well it was about 3 hours later when I was getting pretty pissed... So I called my mom on her cell telling her how mad I was and how I thought something was up....She said she was sure everything was ok...I still wasnt feeling good so I told her I was going to lie back down and I would see her when she got home....About an hour later she came in the door and walked in my room, she shut my door half way and was talking to me...Well, nobody else was home so I thought that was kinda weird y she would shut my door....About 10 minutes later she left and went in the kitchen, she came back and told me to get up and come in the kitchen because she had gotten me something and wanted me to see.. I thought something was up, so when I got out of bed, I put my hair up and put a hoody on, I walked into my living room and got really freaked out cuz I wasnt sure what was going on, I continued walking into the kitchen when I saw the basement door 1/2 open...I looked and there was joe...He was standing there just smiling at me, he came out and we walked into the kitchen together...There on the floor was a gorgeous, and I mean gorgeous arrangement of about 20 balloons(the big ones), a huge basket of candy, a white rose, a red rose, a poem he had written, and also a letter....Girls, it was heaven. He then took the white rose, and for every petal he tore off, he gave me a reason why he loved me.. We spent the whole day and night together(he didnt leave until 5 am), I was amazed how a guy could think of something like this....That was the end of it, I knew right there that this guy was a keeper, and there was no way he wasnt serious about us.. Next day was valentines day,i went to his uncles house that night, and had an amazing night. I left at 11:00pm. That next week was when things got extremely rocky....Well, to make it easier...I got a phone call on february 23rd around 8pm...It was joes "ex girlfriend" and his little sister....They told me that on valentines day night he had gone over to his house(he was living at his uncles at the time) and woken his ex up, and gave her a balloon that I had given to him that night, as part of his present...I freaked out and asked if I could come over and see it for my own two eyes...They agreed...Well, what do you know, my balloon was sitting in his house with his ex girlfriend...She told me everything that had been going on....He had been going over there most nights and sleeping with her... I wont go into details, but he was extremely manipulative,controlling,abusive,he was a liar, a cheat, a stealer, you name it, he was it... But I didnt see that, until after I found all of this out....All of this time, he had been sleeping with his ex, while telling me he loved me...So basically, he was using her for sex, and me for a relationship....He sexually, emotionally, and physically abused me....I come to find out...I didnt see it that way when I was "in love" with him then though, it was always, oh hes just stressed out, or hes just got a temper... No, hes got a problem, he was abused as a child and was taking everything out on me...Im still recovering, but ive got a long road ahead of me...I have trouble getting close to people and trusting...Its hard for me to let a guy touch me, let alone anything else...This guy has scarred me for life and I hate him for that...He knew what he was doing because he has done it to so many other girls....I wasnt love to him, I was just another girl to check off the list...I meant nothing to him, yet he poured his heart and soul out to me, he bought things for me, he spent all(for the most part) of his time with me....Yet he treated me as though I was a piece of trash sitting on the side of the street...I know this has gotten a little off topic, but to answer your question lildreamer....No, dont take on this girl's baby.. Not only is it just a bad situation, but theres a very good chance that this guy is still with her, no matter how many times he says I love you, no matter what he buys you, or no matter how far out of his way he will go to see you, please, trust your gut instinct...I knew from the beginning I shouldnt have gotten involved, but I did...I made excuses for y I got involved...Its not worth it....This guy should be in jail for what he did to me....So please, go with what you truly feel is right in your heart, no matter what your head is saying, you dont want to make a decision that will haunt you for the rest of your life...I did....You dont want to become another one of his pregnant ex girlfriends...He wont be there for you, he will leave you just as he left the last one....Im telling you this because I dont want you to be in my situation, I would give anything to have my life before him back...Im depressed, im scared when I go out with friends of guys, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about what he did to me...So point of all of this is, do whats right....Not what u think is right, or what could make it right....If its not a good situation dont get involved, move on, find a guy who hasnt been in jail, someone who isnt tied to a baby....Im only 16 and so are you, we dont need that drama in our lives, a baby is forever, do you really want to take on an enemies baby? I was going to...And look where it got me. I apologize for this being so long, and this isnt even 1/2 of it! If you have any questions at all, feel free to pm me, or just respond to this...Hope this helps............crombie chic

Lildreamer

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

I Feel You!!!!! Posted: 10-19-03 21:02pm


Wow crombiechic I most definately feel you. So how long ago did this happen? Im lucky I choose to walk away from him. If it wasnt for johnny..I would have probably fell for it. It must have been hell for you to try to recover from this. Do u still see him around? All this began when I was 14 and he came back to my life when I was 16....Now im 17.I would have to say this was my worst love experience ever.....And being 14 at the time was not easy to cope w/it.All what your saying is exactly what happened to me.....But fabi just recently got pregnant(now 9 months).Shes 16! I still see him around and this girl always tries to show off her stomach to me....Wanting me to be jealous that shes got him! Its sad for her becuase she doesnt know the things he said about her and the times me and him were involved when she was pregnant.Im glad that she was the one who ended pregnant by him and not me becuase he will never change.If he was w/me during her pregnancy...Hes with everybody!This guy is known for sleeping w/every girl in my city.Hes only 17!I know its going to take a long tome to heal from this....It could take months or years.Im just starting to accept this and its been 3 years.My boyfriend now and I are going through big ass drama right now and im scared to have another big failed relationship.I have been w/him for 2 yrs and 2 months.How sad is that! But im sorry for what had happened to you and I know you will be ok....This is not the end!Take care.....

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-20-03 09:26am


Aw ok, first I wanted to thank you for just reading my story...I know it was extremely long but I think I got the message across...This happened last january-february..So it will be almost a year....I dont usually see the guy around anymore because he lives in another town and goes to a different school...But in june, about 5 months after I broke up with him, he imed me basically asking me to take him back...Well, he owed my mom money so I told him id meet up with him to talk about things, well as soon as I got there I realized nothing had changed, so I had to keep telling myself that this isnt the type of guy I wanna be with regardless of how he looks or the sweet things that he said..It was all an act. Yeah it is sad for this girl fabi, cause while shes showing her stomach off her "man" is sleeping around...Shes just trying to make things out to be better than they are, because she knows the truth. Sooner or later this chic is gonna realize life isnt a big bag of sunshine...Shes totally in denial. Oh I misread about u being 16, 16-17 same thing lol...But anyways, yeah its gonna be a long road for me but im doing well. Ive started going out with my friends more and have just talked to some guys which has been nice(i wasnt allowed to see or talk to my friends when I was with that guy, let alone go outside of the house without him) one more thing before I go...You may have felt, I know I have, that this girl fabi is so lucky to be attached to this guy forever because of their baby......Dont think that...Thats what I started to think after I broke up with my guy...I was thinking oh hes living back with her at his house and theyre gonna be a happy family once the baby comes and all of that...Well 2 weeks after the baby was born I found out he was out bowling or somethin with another girl...So things werent as peachy as I thought....So whatever u do, just know that things are wayyy different behind closed doors(my ex used to beat up on his ex while she was pregnant) I mean I would call his house when I knew he would be there and they would constantly yell and argue, it was so obvious that this guy had a problem, but I had blinders on.... Well I really hope you stay strong, dont give in to this guy, he doesnt deserve you...He obviously isnt living up to his responsibilities by being faithful and honest to this girl fabi, so why would he to anybody else? Hes scum.... But I appreciate you listening and I truly hope everything turns out for the best with you...Keep in touch and let me know how things go....Hang in there girl!

Mesmerizeu15

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Aug 2003
Posts: 2730
Location: Pittsburgh,PA

Posted: 10-20-03 09:31am


Crombie chick, are you insane? To much writing woman!! You girls I feel really bad for you...Good luck and dont let men get to you!!

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-20-03 09:33am


Haha mes, guys suck what can I say? Obviously a lot...Lol but anyways, that was the last of it, I just want girls out there to know that some guys can be so decieving and controlling, without them realizing it....Im just here to help...

Mesmerizeu15

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Aug 2003
Posts: 2730
Location: Pittsburgh,PA

Posted: 10-20-03 09:37am


I totally understand, and I totally give you props for actually going to that exstent to show us what you mean and that you are a credible person...Thanks chick!!

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-20-03 09:46am


Oh wow, I really appreciate that...I cant change my past, but I can help to make sure girls dont have to live through what I did....Its such a life altering thing, that once you experience it, you're never the same....I just hope girls out there realize the extent of how bad it can get... I really appreciate you guys listening too, ive never told anybody other then my mom, so its nice to have girls who understand, and who will just be there and not judge.

Lildreamer

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

Crombiechic!! Guess What! Posted: 10-20-03 23:13pm


I totally feel you. Everything you say is sooo true about him. He is such a piece of s**t!!! Fabi is in denial probably..Im sure she knows but shes so caught up on the fact that she has him and I dont!!! Hey, I dont want him...Its cool with me! Poor..Poor girl!Oh well! Ohhh crombie guess what....Today I saw that guy on the streets today and we looked at each other real quick and he turned and walked the other direction without looking twice..For the first time I felt nothing at all for him, not hurt,heartach,old feelings....Absolutly nothing at all.....I finally think im going to be ok with my past and finally ready to let it go!!!!!!!!!!Yahhhhhhhhhh me....Wha hooooooo!!!!!! Go me!!!!!!!!!! Thanx crombie ..Im glad we understand eachother......Ay, crombie the sun will shine again....Its not going to be easy, but trust me everything is going to be just fine! Dont be a prisoner in his feelings! Break free!!It can be done!

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-21-03 07:20am


Im so happy for you!! Now u can at least be at ease with the fact that he is part of ur past, and theres no more feelings there...I know ur going to be okay because it seems like u have a good head on ur shoulders....I on the other hand am still feeling the aftermath of my ex....Theres no longer that want to be with him again, its more like I just hate him for what hes done, im sure its going to take a while for me to feel comfortable walking by him if I ever saw him again....But, I guess thats all I need, just time....Im glad we understand eachother too, its nice to have someone to share this stuff with.....Just always remember never settle for less than u deserve...Keep staying strong!

Mesmerizeu15

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 11 Aug 2003
Posts: 2730
Location: Pittsburgh,PA

Posted: 10-21-03 13:22pm


I am loving how we all "feel" each other. This is a great site, and I love how we feel so attached to these people that we are able to open up. Just a couple weeks ago we were complaining that the boards were slowing down. This is getting faster, and it is beginning to get harder to catch up. I am glad to have such good buddies!! By the way, I never did tell you my real name is stacie!! Mezzy

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-21-03 13:27pm


Aw I know, at first when I signed up for the forum I was a little skeptical on how all the girls would take to me..Just because they had all gotten to know eachother and gotten so close and because im not preggo...I finally feel like more girls are reaching out to me, its awesome...We've got our own little "sisterhood" going on here lol....This forum was an awesome idea...Oh and im vanessa by the way...Nice to meet u stacie

Lildreamer

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

Crombiechic Its Me Again! Posted: 10-23-03 23:33pm


I know exactly what you mean...The aftermath is all apart of the heartache package. I hated him too with everything I have. It makes you want to just ask so many questions to him about why it happened and why did he do it to you. I know I felt the same way...I had an oppurtunity to ask him them too. I thought if I finally knew, it would set me free. Nope..Not at all! Time is really all you need...Lots of it for me...But youre right, he is my past and I plan on leaving him there. Ohhhhhh...I just found out at school fabi gave birth to his son 2 weeks ago! Maybe he'll leave his other girlfriend this time. Much love to u crombie.........Everthing is alright! Jennifer

CrombieChic16

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Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-24-03 10:55am


I had that opportunity also...And thought it would be "closure" for me...Boy was I wrong....It actually made things worst because it brought everything out again, and that wound become fresh again....You're right, the only cure for this is time...And its going to take a lot of it....It will be a year this january and it feels like it happened last week...So ive got a long road ahead of me...But am determined not to let this guy and his past ruin my future....I am so glad I got to talk to u about this jennifer, its nice having someone to relate to, when ur feeling so alone...As for fabi...Just know that shes not out having fun with her "man" shes at home caring for that baby....So ur not missing out on anything...Best of luck, talk to u soon. vanessa

Lildreamer

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Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

Its True! Posted: 10-25-03 00:35am


Thats true about fabi....I knew its not all heaven for her as she makes it seem. I really think you should go for this new older guy. I wish I can go out with a older guy but my mom forbids it. When johnny broke up with me..I met a 21 year old guy who was really mature and nice. He completly understood what o was going through w/ johnny and him being locked up right now..And he told me some good advice. He wasnt even coming on strong like most guys..You know! My mom found out I was talking to a guy and I was open with her on his age and she forbid him to call and for me to see and call him back. I was so upset! I really liked him...Really,really liked him. He could have been my way out of johnny's web. How can I move on..(like she wants me too) if she wont let me date or see any guy! She says they all want..U know! She is so confusing. She said for me to wait till I get older.....Uhh no! Itll leave me depreesed on johnny! Working and school is not going to take my mind off him. I cant keep myself busy 24/7..You know! Well your lucky so go for it. Take care!

CrombieChic16

Active User, Really EHEALTHy

Joined: 10 Oct 2003
Posts: 745

Posted: 10-25-03 11:42am


Jennifer, i think ur like my long lost twin! Lol, we understand eachother so much, its scary...My mom doesnt know about this 21 yr old guy yet....But am going to tell her after I meet him(if it ever happens)....My mom is the type of person who would try to sway my decision if I told her I was going to meet up with an older guy...But if a week later I talked to her about it and told her I met this awesome guy but hes a little older I think she'd be more okay with it...And then tell her I know that u think hes out for one thing, but whats wrong with taking it slow? I know im mature and responsible and wouldnt put myself in another vulnerable situation like before.. Honestly, if you meet an older guy( not tooo too old) but a more mature guy, why not get to know him? I mean at least as friends first....I know most people would say oh just sneak out and see him...Well this is my thing, my mom has to know where I go when im out at night, and thats fine, I tell her, because god forbid if something happened and she didnt know where I was, who knows what would happen. But, if you really wanna see a particular older guy, hang out with a group of ur friends, at a place where ur mom knows u are, and have this guy come along.. If u guys get serious enough then sit down with ur mom and explain to her how u feel, tell her u dont wanna sneak around and be irresponsible, tell her that if she wants, u guys can just hang out at ur house when shes homes, so both u and her get to know him in a more comfortable and safe atmosphere...Either way, dont hold back from getting to know eachother, but dont decieve ur mom either...When all guys are gone she'll still be there, so u dont wanna screw her over... As for this guy(the 21 yr old) im extremely excited and really scared at the same time...Im so self concious about the way I look from head to toe(from the abusive ex) that I kinda dont wanna do it...Ive seen this guys picture and hes a complete knock out(looks identical to nick lachey)...And I think, why would he wanna be with someone that looks like me? I dont know, im constantly criticizing my body....My mom thinks I have an eating disorder, but I dont, I have the aftermath of what that asshle did to me....Im trying to get over it, but I always feel like ive gotta be perfect because he would always tell me that I was fat or putting a couple pounds on...And that just shattered my self esteem, and ive been trying to pick it up...But no luck yet... Long post lol, ill go for now and hear what u have to say! As for fabi, yea of course shes making it seem like its heaven, shes in complete denial about what her guy is doing behind her back...She just doesnt want to face it....Im sure she wishes she hadnt of slept with him now that shes got that baby! Take care hun! vanessa*

Lildreamer

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 14 Sep 2003
Posts: 144
Location: CALI

Guess Who? Posted: 10-26-03 14:33pm


Hey gurl..Whats up...Hows it going? Im really glad that we can relate to each other....Im so glad theres someone out there that knows what I mean! Well jose(21 yr old guy) and I stopped talking 2 weeks ago. Its already 2 late for us. Im really sad about that! My mother mad it hard on me and I couldnt call him or see him so he told me if we can be friends only. When we use to talk on the phone we would say how much we miss each other and we'd blow kisses on the phone and all that good stuff. See I met him before a long time ago but I never had a conversation w/him. One day I snuck out of the house w/my homeboy and I went to his house and I saw jose again for the first time in a long time. Then my friend introduced me again and thats when we started talking. We both told each other that we both looked familar. And we remembered the last time we met. We hit it off right away. The next day I went to his house(he's my friends cousin & he lives w/him) and I kept seeing him the next 3 days and he asked me out. So we were together...He knew about johnny and he understood the situation I was in w/him. I only got 2 see him 3 more times untill my mom pulled the plug on our relationship.Ohhh he was great.....I told him about my mom 7 we talked on the phone constantly...But one day he thought it'll be better if we could be just friends. That hurt! He said he had too end it cuz he didnt want to hurt me if something was to happen. He said I dont deserve to get hurt. We talked on the phone but it wasnt the same. So we drifted apart and thats that. I still kick it w/his my friend,juan,(jose's younger cousin) but I dont talk to jose anymore. I cant believe I let him pass by. As for hanging out w/friends....Im not allowed to have friends at all. Im not allowed to go out(like the movies,the mall, nothing). Its school, home, and work. My mom has to pick me up and drop me off everywhere. I have been on check for 2 years now. Johnny was my only way out. When I was 15...I knew a lot of people and I was always in a group of friends. I started ditching school, smoking weed, drinking, and getting inrouble w/the law. My best friend was the "leader" of our group..It was always me , my best friend, and another homegirl..Us 3 were close friends..Like glue. Where ever one of us were @ the rest of us were there. Well we did some scandaloss sht together. So one day I got kicked out of my school, and sent to another school and the next day my other friend did and then the other one did. We got seperated to different schools and there was no way we could communicate w/each other. Our parents hated one another. So I got sent to another school again within a week(cuz of ditching) and this time I got my act straight. I started w/ no friends...No nothing...I only had johnny(bf). The school was fool of haters. All my enemies went there. But now its my second year there and not much has changed....I only talk to the homies @ school. My mom gets mad if someone calls for me. Im 17 now & been working my ass off trying to make up credits for school, working and still im not allowed to go out w/anybody. As for boyfiends...How does my mom expect me to move on if she wont let me see any guy. She saod all haspanic guys want ****. She said wait untill I move out of her house to find a bf.Uhh,im turning 18 next(july 6)year. Thats in a long time. I cant have any guys over cuz...First of all..My dad..And I had an accident with johnny when he use to come over.(we got caught somewhat in action by my dad). And that was almost a year ago. My mom is so confusing...What am I suppose to do?