I was just wondering what you guys and
girls thought about this. I have
been with my girl about a year. We
have not had sexual contact now for 11-12
weeks or so. I am very very
frustrated. It almost seems like
she doesn't care about my needs.
Now I don't just mean sex, I mean oral,
making out, kissing, rubbing, or anything
else remotely related to sex.
Basically, all I get is maybe some rated
'g' snuggling around her family and a
peck and hug goodbye. Thats it.
11 weeks and counting. She says
she has no sex drive. At first her
excuse was the pill, so she changed pills.
The second was stress. One
excuse after another. Bottom
line---even if you are not turned on I
think that intimacy is healthy for a
relationship. Not just sex, because
to be honest I lost my virginity to her
and if she never wanted it again until
marriage I would be fine with it because I
love her (i was not her first). I
mean I think that the closeness and
connection you get with intimacy is vital
to a healthy relationship. I know
she is stressed and has a history, yada
yada yada. I am tired of excuses.
Would you guys wait through this, or
leave her for another girl? Any
insight would be helpful. Thanks.
Ps....And yes I have discussed my feelings
with her. Over and over again. She
just gets irritated and makes another
excuse and an argument starts.
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l2at24
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1509
Posted: 11-28-04 08:54am
I know that i've have 'held out' at times,
because I was mad about something totally
unrelated to sex. Is there something you
did or didn't do that would make her so
upset? Maybe you ask for it too much.
Maybe she feels like that's all you think
about. 11 weeks is a long time for that
punishment...I don't know babe. You
should ask if something is wrong. Try to
talk to her about her actions/feelings
without bringing up that you haven't had
much physical contact lately. Oh yeah,
and if you're thinking you want to marry
her you'd better be in for the long haul.
When she gets pregnant, there may be a
lot of times she can't or doesn't want to
have sex. And after the babies start to
be born ugggghh. I love being married
and love my babies, not trying to turn
people off from those stages of life.
Just saying that there will be times that
you might miss a few months.
|
southcoach
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2004 Posts: 65
Posted: 11-28-04 09:19am
Thank you very much for the reply. She
is depressed and I know this may have
something to do with it, but she was
depressed with her ex too and they did it
all the time. Also, I never ask for it,
ever. I just try to be as understanding
as possible. I know that there will be
times when she doesn't want any, but no
physical contact whatsoever? She was
with her ex for 6 years and they never
went this long (she told me). I mean,
sometimes she is mad at me about something
so I understand then, but when we are
doing great she is the same way! I just
don't know if I can take it anymore
|
l2at24
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1509
Posted: 11-28-04 10:43am
Is she truly depressed? She may need to
go to the doctor for an evaluation. Why
did she tell you about her and her ex's
sex life? If she told you without you
asking, she may want to end the
relationship. Before you end it, you
should have a serious talk with her about
your feelings. You could say something
like - I love you very much and i'm
confused about our relationship right now.
You have changed and i'm trying to
figure out why. I need to touch you, and
I need to be touched. I can't live
without the physical contact we used to
have. Try to read her reaction. If
she doesn't make any attempts to get back
to the way it was, then you have a
decision to make. If you want to stay,
you have to accept things the way they
are. Another thought - when and how did
her six year relationship end? That
could also have a lot to do with it.
|
southcoach
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2004 Posts: 65
Posted: 11-28-04 14:11pm
Yes, I believe she is truly depressed.
She just started going to counseling. I
have talked to this girl over and over
again about how I want her to touch me and
how intimacy is part of a heathy
relationship. Her answer is always "i
don't know". Part of me wants to wait
for her because I know she is going
through a lot. Her ex treated her like
crap. She says she is not used to me
because I treat her so well. She says
she is "working on it". I just don't
know if I want to wait anymore. I didn't
ask for this. You are right. I have a
decision to make, but I just know that
people don't change unless they really
really want to. Thank you so much your
replies. They were a big help
