I was just wondering what you guys and
girls thought about this. I have
been with my girl about a year. We
have not had sexual contact now for 11-12
weeks or so. I am very very
frustrated. It almost seems like
she doesn't care about my needs.
Now I don't just mean sex, I mean oral,
making out, kissing, rubbing, or anything
else remotely related to sex.
Basically, all I get is maybe some rated
'g' snuggling around her family and a
peck and hug goodbye. Thats it.
11 weeks and counting. She says
she has no sex drive. At first her
excuse was the pill, so she changed pills.
The second was stress. One
excuse after another. Bottom
line---even if you are not turned on I
think that intimacy is healthy for a
relationship. Not just sex, because
to be honest I lost my virginity to her
and if she never wanted it again until
marriage I would be fine with it because I
love her (i was not her first). I
mean I think that the closeness and
connection you get with intimacy is vital
to a healthy relationship. I know
she is stressed and has a history, yada
yada yada. I am tired of excuses.
Would you guys wait through this, or
leave her for another girl? Any
insight would be helpful. Thanks.
Ps....And yes I have discussed my feelings
with her. Over and over again. She
just gets irritated and makes another
excuse and an argument starts.
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PosrscheLvr
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Oct 2004 Posts: 304 Location: Plano, Texas
Posted: 11-28-04 16:02pm
This may sounds bad but it may be she is
getting it somewhere else. I know
personally when I go from sexual to not
sexual something is going on with me.
It's not just stress for 12 weeks, if
there was really something that wrong with
she then she should be seeing a doctor.
Is she acting strange in any other way?
Girls are crappy in the sense we don't say
how we feel and tend to just do things and
that's all. I hope this is not the case,
but it's what it sounds like to me.
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Hotness
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 16 Location: Florida
I Agree.. Posted: 11-29-04 00:44am
Yeah, are you all together a lot? Have
you noticed her lying about things? It
sucks, but you have to be sure she's not
sneaking around on you. You seem very
concerned and really want to fix things,
while she doesn't really to seem to hear
you when you tell her about it. You don't
want to put your all if she's not into it.
However, my boyfriend tells me I do the
same things to him sometimes. We were
long distance and saw each other every two
weeks or so and were just all over each
other (except we werent have sex), now we
live together and we have sex, but he says
i'm still not very affectionate. He tells
me that I don't ever try to kiss up on him
or touch him sexually or anything.
Honestly, I never even realized I was
doing this to him. I love this man to
pieces and there is no question about
wanting him or ever cheating on him.
Honestly, I just never thought I wasn't
showing him affection. He brought it to
my attention and he says i've improved,
but he still complains to me. Sometimes,
i'm just not into it. Sometimes, I just
don't feel like doing it. Sometimes my
mind is full of things I have to do, and
unknowingly- I reject him. Your girl says
it's stress- well, it might be. It might
come and go for her. One thing that helps
is that no matter how rejected he feels,
he still comforts me and rubs on me and
keeps his affection intact. Usually when
he takes things into his own hands, I
follow up and remember to do the same to
him. I know it sounds bad that I need a
reminder..But really, a lot of times, my
mind is just in a different place. If
she's worth it, don't give up! But don't
run yourself ragged trying to get her to
do things, she just might not want to do.
Hope i've helped, although I might of just
confused you more! Good luck!
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southcoach
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2004 Posts: 65
Posted: 12-02-04 23:34pm
Thanks so much you are a big help! Right
now I think it is because of the stress.
We are going on a little break so she can
sort through her stresses. I am going to
stick through it because I love her.
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BeckLyn
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Nov 2004 Posts: 476
Posted: 12-03-04 14:22pm
Good luck and I hope things work out. I
know when I lose my sex drive it is mostly
because I am don't care about the person
as much (in a long term realtionship that
is) otherwise it needs to be exciting or
new. I am on several meds that also
hinder my drive, but I was with one man
for a year and couldn't ever get enough,
so I think it's how much you care and love
the person.
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ilovethebeach
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2004 Posts: 48
Posted: 12-03-04 18:07pm
I dont know if this will help, but I
havent had sex with my boyfriend of 7
months (he gets jealous because I have had
sex before, just not with him). I started
taking the pill so we could but then my
sex drive took a nosedive..I partly blame
it on that.
Just because she doesn't want to do it
might not mean shes getting it somewhere
else. Maybe she's scared or maybe there's
another reason you don't know about.....
Good luck!
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 12-04-04 21:07pm
Umm, I really hate how just because a
woman has a low/no sex drive that she is
automatically getting it somewhere else.
Even though she switched pills, 11 or 12
weeks is only three months and it could
take her body six months or more to get
normal after being on the pill that
lowered her drive.
Stress also has a lot to do with it. A
lot. When you are stressed out and tired
the last thing you want to do is have
sex.
Also, not to be mean, but has your sex
always been good? I am not trying to be
mean or hurt your ego, but seriously. I
mean, do you do enough/good foreplay?
Last long enough? Please her? I know
that when you have a man who only lasts
ten or fifteen minutes or less and isn't
pleasing you then the thought of sex makes
you so sick that the kissing, holding
hands everything stops.
I am not saying that you aren't pleasing
her I am only asking you to consider it
along with many, many other things.
I really don't believe she is cheating.
I think she is just stressed out and still
has a low sex drive from that pill.
Also, you said that she doesn't care about
your needs, and you don't mean just
sexually, also oral making out, kissing,
etc. That is all sexual honey. I mean
if she doesn't feel like having
intercourse and getting/receiving pleasure
then why in the world would she want to
give you oral which does nothing for
her?
Waiting is up to you. If you really love
her you wouldn't even be questioning it.
If you love her, you will talk to her
about it until you figure out the problem,
and then you will wait through it.
