Broken Hearted Forum - Am I Justified In Feeling Hurt? (porn

Hi, i'm a first-time poster and i'm just looking for a little advice on a "problem"(?) that's been boiling up in me for almost two years now.

I'm 25 years old and i've been with my boyfriend for a little more than two years now. I feel we're perfect together, personality-wise. We love each other very much and both trust each other completely. He seems to have very little interest in sex, but I was willing to let that go for the fact that we really do get along so well in all other aspects of the relationship. Of course, frequently I can't help feeling like it's me and that I don't turn him on, but he reassures me that that's not the problem... He says that people put too much emphasis on sex in this society and that he feels like it's not as important as most people think, there are more exciting things in life. Personally, I find sex very important in a relationship, so appreciatively, he does try to make an effort.

Anyhow, about two years ago while using his computer, I noticed that he forgot to clear his internet history, cache, cookies and that when i'd try to type in a web address, asian porn sites would pop up in the address bar. (i'm japanese, by the way.) I have no problems with him looking at porn, of course, and it doesn't appear as though he has any sort of porn addiction. The "asian porn"'s creepiness is debatable, but that's relatively trivial to me also.

Soooo... Of course i'm very curious as to what exactly he was looking for at this point, especially since he seems to have a low sex drive... Maybe I was looking for clues as to what exactly turns him on? Maybe I just found it funny in general? I don't know, but I clicked the history.

Then I noticed that right after looking at asian porn, he typed in the names of three japanese girls into a search engine. I immediately recognized the name of one of them: he used to work at an esl school and he had mentioned once that this particular girl was now a model in japan. (granted, she sort of looks like a horse, but that's besides the point.) he showed me some picures of her and we had been laughing at her horse-ness and he had mentioned that she wasn't too bright either. Hmmm. (she's now back in japan, I believe.)

i also recognized another name: he used to be in a band and this was one of the female fans from that time. This girl, he used to have her picture up on his wall for about a year and a half while him and I were dating. Once I asked him who she was, (naturally out of curiosity), he had mentioned that she was one of the only female fans that his band had had and so he had her picture up on the wall. I also know that he corresponds with her on a regular basis, which I had no problem with until I discovered the internet history porn thing, of course. Recently, I also discovered from a friend that she once visited the us and they had met and had sex (before he had met me, of course.) my boyfriend recently moved to a new apartment and her picture is no longer up on the wall, whew.

Anyway, from time to time, he forgets to clear his internet history after looking at porn, but i've noticed that every single time that he does so, he googles the names of these three girls that he knows offline, either before, during, or after he looks at e-porn.

This is where i'm intellectually torn. Emotionally, I think I feel a little hurt and betrayed that he fantasizes (maybe obsessively) about these girls that he personally knows. I'd have no problem if they were just anonymous porn models, but these are girls that he knows and corresponds with on a regular basis. That obviously bothers me a bit. I'm definitely hurt by the fact that he used to have one of these girl's pictures up on his wall while he was dating me and that he was fantasizing about her at the same time.

However, I know that he would never ever cheat on me and that these are just sexual fantasies of his. I say it with confidence that he would absolutely never cheat on me and i'd never cheat on him.

The last two years though, i've been so mean to him at times because of this whole thing. I really feel like this is an important topic to bring up with him. The problem here is that, is there really a "solution" to this? I doubt that anything he says about this will be in any way comforting to me. If I bring it up, will it just cause him to become more secretive about fantasizing about these girls? I don't want to be fascistic about this entire situation either: am I being overly jealous and posessive about him? He obviously can't control his fantasies and when I try to look at the situation from the outside, it just appears as though i'm only upset because it's not me that he's fantasizing about, right?

But then... Isn't it a little sleazybaggy of him to have a girlfriend, but then regularly correspond with these girls that he knows personally offline, while secretly fantasizing about them? But does it matter if I know he'd never cheat on me?

I'm so confused! Please offer a little advice. Sad

Am I Justified In Feeling Hurt? (porn - Sort Of.)