I have been reading several threads here
and the main consensus I am finding among
most (but not all) of the posters is that
a woman who obtains an abortion will
without exception suffer some long lasting
psychological trauma. Even when provided
with evidence that this is not the case
for most women, this attitude still
persists.
I am not sorry, nor have I ever been. I
experienced an ectopic pregnancy and
immediately sought an abortion. Had the
embryo attached correctly, I still would
have sought an abortion. Now is not the
time for me to be having a child. I
recognize this fact and have made a peace
with it. I do want children one day but
that day is no time soon. I was not
depressed, suicidal, upset, or sad about
the procedure then or at any time. Under
similar circumstances (i.E. I'm poor and
still a student), I would still seek to
obtain an abortion. For any woman
contemplating an abortion, you will not be
automatically stricken with depression or
loathing for yourself. If you have
doubts as to this, please thoroughly
rethink your decision as you may not want
to obtain an abortion if you feel so
strongly against it. If you have read
other threads on here, there is no
garauntee that you will end up like some
of these women who are claiming to be
sorry about their abortion. Most women
feel relief after their abortion because
they realize and recognize that this is
truly the best decision and option that
they could make for themselves. If you
are being pressured by a significant other
or by your religion or by anyone/anything
else to continue the pregnancy when you
don't want to, tell them politely where to
shove it and the same is true if they are
trying to get you to choose abortion when
you don't want to. This choice is yours
and yours alone to make. Only you know
when is the right time to become a parent
and if that time is not now, you will
likely not regret this decision that has
to be made.
I have had an abortion. I am not sorry,
depressed, or loathe myself. If I become
pregnant again in the near future or at
any time that I do not wish to be, I will
not hesitate to seek and obtain an
abortion. This is my life and I am
living it in a way that I do not regret.
If you have to make a decision, make the
one you will not regret, I did and felt
relieved. If you are feeling guilty or
depressed about your decision, ask
yourself why? Why do you feel this way?
It obviously was something that had to be
done at the time, so why feel guilty about
the inevitable? Is there someone or
something making me feel guilty? Why
would they want to do that? Could I have
made a different decision and still have
the life I want to lead? A good
doctor/counselor should ask you those
questions and help you with the answers to
those questions.
If you are facing an abortion, remember
that you do not necessarily have to feel
regret, pain, anguish, or depression over
it. It was a decision that had to be
made and obviously, for whatever reason,
you have justification for not choosing to
continue the pregnancy.
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Moira
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 302 Location: somewhere where it rains a lot
Posted: 12-04-04 14:15pm
I had an abortion at 17 and it was the
best thing I ever did. If I hadn't, I
wouldn't be at university or even talking
on this forum - heavens knows where i'd
be. Probably stuck by myself on benefits
with a kid I never wanted and resented
bitterly or even worse, stuck with my
abusive ex. Now I have qualifications,
hope of a good career, good friends and a
great boyfriend, and I look forward to
becoming a mom and foster mom in the
future. I have never suffered any
"psychological trauma" because of the
abortion, and have never regretted it even
for a minute. I am n.O.T sorry.
I know what a baby is - and a baby is not
a non-sentient 5-7 week embryo. I don't
feel guilty because there's nothing to
feel guilty about.
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apooks15
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 5
Posted: 01-05-06 22:43pm
Hi jenn, I just wanted to say thank you so
much for ur response ur story really
helped me, and I really thank you for
sharing, and I really admire you for what
u have been through and how u have let ur
opinon change with experience. I hope
everything worksout thanks again
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-06-06 12:25pm
I am not sorry either.. If I had not had
an abortion I would have been unhappy, and
unable to finish college and have a
wonderful life and fiance.
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sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 397 Location: New York
Posted: 01-06-06 18:20pm
carifairy
wrote:
i am not sorry either.. If
I had not had an abortion I would have
been unhappy, and unable to finish college
and have a wonderful life and
fiance.
how do you know? You didn't allow
yourself to have the baby. Do you have a
magical crystal ball that told you that
you would have been unhappy or unable to
finish college or would have not had a
wonderful life? The only thing not having
the abortion would have proven for sure is
that you could have said you didn't kill
your children. Sorry if that isnot what
you want to hear, but it's the hard truth.
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sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 397 Location: New York
Posted: 01-06-06 18:24pm
Jenn-
i realize this post is over 2 years old
but somebody responded so I will anyways.
We know all too well your "not sorry".
You just short of brag about your
abortion. Maybe someday when you look
into little tommy or jane's eyes, you will
remember the abortion. I realize you
were ectopic so your procedure was
inevitable, but you said you would have
aborted regardless.
I get a kick out of you saying: "it
obviously was something that had to be
done at the time". Really? Was
somebody forcing "sue" to abort. The
abortion does not ***have** to be done
unless in circumstances like yours, for
example. Ugh. Irresponsiblity
prevails.
You, jane, or susan may not feel one bit
of guilt or depression but guess what?
You sure as hell should. You should live
with it. Because woman that abort have
killed another human. To make matters
worse, killed their own child. Edit
disgusting slobs.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2610 Location: Charlotte n.c.
Thanks: 12
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-07-06 02:43am
I do not ever want children, so yes I
would have been unhappy. It's just a
personal choice to not want children, many
women don't want kids.
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2599 Location: ,
Thanks: 17
Thanked:13
Posted: 01-08-06 00:58am
carifairy
wrote:
i do not ever want children,
so yes I would have been unhappy. It's
just a personal choice to not want
children, many women don't want
kids.
i tell you carifairy that remembers me a
coworker of mine who used to say oh no I
don't want to have children. 3 months
after saying me that she got pregnant.
She was happy as a pie, now has a
beautiful baby boy.
I would be scared to promote abortion. No
matter how much one wants to sugar coat an
abortion it is what it is, a heart that
stops beating, a life that is taken away.
In my almost 33 years of life I have
seeing that those who do mean things on
earth pay it on earth. We are here today
enjoying our lifestyle and planning a
bright future but tomorrow we don't know
what is going to happen. You may do an
abortion today and have a child in the
future thinking all is going to be alright
and then your child might get sick, turn
into a drug addict and die, a gazillion
things that can happen. Pain will
certainly knock your door and to most then
realize that it might true that there is a
god out there. You might not feel sorry
now for having or promoting abortions but
you might change mind in the future. You
might even look back and think that daring
to raise a child back then was going to be
an easy cross compared to the cross that
you will be wearing in the future.
May god protect all of us
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nightangel73
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 09 Nov 2005 Posts: 2599 Location: ,
Thanks: 17
Thanked:13
Posted: 01-08-06 10:46am
whatisupwiththat
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
i tell you carifairy that
remembers me a coworker of mine who used
to say oh no I don't want to have
children. 3 months after saying me that
she got pregnant. She was happy as a
pie, now has a beautiful baby
boy.
i know a woman that wanted a family with
her husband. After a couple of years
into an unhappy marriage, she buckled her
two boys in the car and watched it roll
into a pond, killing both children. Her
name is susan
smith.
that's terrible and not the only case.
But that type of crime is something that
most people who wish to have a family
would never do. Only a phsycotic would do
that. What I did mention of my coworker
is something that we do see all the time.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-08-06 11:58am
Being pro-choice, I am not promoting
abortion, I am promoting a choice, again,
being pro-choice does not mean that we are
100% for abortion, if you want to carry on
with the pregnancy, great, if you want to
adopt, great, if you want to abort, great,
it is the pregnant womans choice.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-08-06 12:06pm
This is a support forum and should
continue to stay that way!
|
sunshine424
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Nov 2005 Posts: 397 Location: New York
Posted: 01-08-06 15:39pm
whatisupwiththat
wrote:
nightangel73
wrote:
i tell you carifairy that
remembers me a coworker of mine who used
to say oh no I don't want to have
children. 3 months after saying me that
she got pregnant. She was happy as a
pie, now has a beautiful baby
boy.
i know a woman that wanted a family with
her husband. After a couple of years
into an unhappy marriage, she buckled her
two boys in the car and watched it roll
into a pond, killing both children. Her
name is susan
smith.
too bad this is irrelevant. This tells
astory of a psychotic woman, which is the
only type of person that would kill
her/his children. Normal people do not do
what she did. You may.....But then again,
you probably think your normal, but
clearly you have demonstrated your not,
among being many other things, like
extremely childish.
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sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-08-06 16:10pm
Their is no such thing as normal. A mind
can crack at anytime we see it all of the
time. I do not believe that her husband
was much help, as I recall, the signs were
there.
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-08-06 17:20pm
sunshine424
wrote:
maybe someday when you look
into little tommy or jane's eyes, you will
remember the
abortion.
I have never forgotten
the abortion. I deal with this issue
everyday. I work with people living in
the turmoil that is an unintended
pregnancy. And I am always surprised at
the end of the day by who asks me for an
abortion services referral and who asks me
about our prenatal care program. I don't
think anyone really forgets an abortion
let alone an unintended pregnancy. I
would even venture a good guess that many
.Women also distinctly remember pregnancy
scares. Big events in our lives whether
we have planned them or not are always
remembered. What is different is how we
each view those events.
Quote:
I realize you
were ectopic so your procedure was
inevitable, but you said you would have
aborted
regardless.
yes, and I would
probably decide the same now.
Quote:
i get a kick out
of you saying: "it obviously was something
that had to be done at the time".
Really? Was somebody forcing "sue" to
abort.
not someone, no,
because during counseling we speak with
the .Woman alone to ensure that she is
here by her own decision. It is more
that something, whether it be financial
situation, educational goals, family
situation, or relationship dynamics, is
pushing her to be there. Most of the
.Women that I have contact with come to
the decision to obtain an abortion through
much thought and reflection. Most of
them feel as though they have no choice
but to obtain an abortion for a variety of
different reasons.
Quote:
the abortion
does not ***have** to be done unless in
circumstances like yours, for
example.
as someone who works
with actual .Women going through this,
there are instances where an abortion has
to be performed. The .Woman's
circumstances often necessitate her being
there. If she could find any viable
alternative, she wouldn't be in the
office. No one wants to obtain an
abortion, it isn't something that .Women
aspire to experience. Many .Women decide
to obtain an abortion though because they
feel that they have no other choice.
During counseling, other options that are
usually touted in our abstract discussions
are raised but the .Women usually have
very good reasons as to why they cannot
choose them, why they did not choose them,
and why they, instead, have chosen to be
at the clinic.
Quote:
ugh.
Irresponsiblity
prevails.
your personal opinions
and my own of the level of responsibility
these .Women are taking are going to be
very different and do not affect the
actual .Woman or her decision. For
myself, I was on ortho tricyclen-lo and we
used condoms that were lubricated with
spermicide. I was doing everything in my
power to not become pregnant and I still
became pregnant.
Most of the .Women that I have contact
with were doing everything that
they could to keep from becomming
pregnant. For many of them, the decision
to obtain an abortion was the most
responsible decision to make (again, we
will all differ on this but our opinions
don't matter to them). Their personal
situations and our cultural expectations
made abortion the most viable decision out
of all they were faced with.
Quote:
you, jane, or
susan may not feel one bit of guilt or
depression but guess what? You sure as
hell should.
thank you so much for
illustrating one of the points in my
original post.
If someone is telling you that you should
feel one way or the other no matter what
decision you make, they are operating
under an agenda that has become more
important to them than you have. My
biological father was a lot like you, even
going so far as to tell me that I should
sacrifice my life for nothing. His
beliefs, in that moment, became more
important to him than i, his own daughter,
was.
The people who genuinely care for you, the
people who want you to be happy, and the
people who truly love you are going to be
more concerned with your well-being than
with whether you remain pregnant or not.
If someone is pressuring you, to have an
abortion or to remain pregnant when you
don't want to, that person does not care
about you and probably won't support any
decision you make unless it is the one
that they are advocating. Someone who
cares about you will ask you what you
want.
Quote:
you should
live with it. Because woman that abort
have killed another human. To make
matters worse, killed their own child.
Edit disgusting
slobs.
thank you for your
opinion. Civility and common decency
restrict me from telling you what you can
do with it. In the future, however,
might I suggest you post them in the
debate forum where they belong. This
forum is for support.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Posted: 01-08-06 19:01pm
Very well put jenn, I feel the same way.
This is for support! I amglad you came
back here! You are very supportive!
