Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
Need Some Advice On What to Do With My Babydaddy!!! Posted: 12-05-04 14:39pm
Here is my story....Ever since I got
pregnant (october), my babydaddy has
become emotionally abusive...I love him so
much that I have taken it all this time
until last tuesday when I didnt exactly
say we were threw but I think he got the
hint anyways...I cant even go out on my
porch without him tellin me im cheating on
him...He doesnt let me go anywhere, not
even to the library....He wont let me have
any friends and he doesnt like me
associating with my family because that
means that I dont care about him and I
only care about him....Every single thing
that goes wrong in our relationship is my
fault according to him....He never does
anything wrong...He is perfect and I have
to be perfect too because thats what he
wants...He told me I couldnt invite my
family to our wedding when we got married
and that they couldnt be at the hospital
when I had the baby...It just got
ridiculous...One of our arguements got so
bad one day that I was balling and told
him he better hope I didnt have a
miscarriage and he had the nerve to say to
me "well if you do then you do." I
couldnt believe that shyt so I hung up on
him...He called me back and started
apoligizing saying he only said it cause
he was mad and all this other bullshyt...I
just kept putting up with it....Ever since
our break up on tuesday, he hasnt called
me until yesterday and he talked to my
brother because I didnt want to speak to
him....So hes having my brother relay
messages and shyt and im like hang up, you
dont have to listen to his a** so he
did....Then he as called her like 5 times
today already and I wont answer the phone
because I know I will end up giving into
him again because im a vulnerable
person....I dont know what to do....Should
I talk to him or just leave it like it is
at least until the baby is born? Every
time we have ever argued, I cried and
cried and cried because I am a very
emotional person....But when we were
fighting on tuesday, I dint cry not one
time....My eyes didnt even get no water in
them....I told him I was all cried
out....Someone please tell me what I
should do because im on a one way
street...I feel like im some clay and hes
just molding me to be more and more of how
he wants me and im fed up....I dont want
anything to do with him at least until the
baby is born...Is that a good or bad
idea....I know this is getting long so
i'll just wait for replies now....
|
mommax3
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1134 Location: Virginia
Posted: 12-05-04 14:53pm
Hi sweetie
did you ever talk to him about going in to
counseling?
Or at least go by yourself first?
Too me it sounds like a really bad
situation that I wouldn't want to bring my
baby into
how old is babysdaddy?
(how old are you?)
if someone loves you they shouldn't want
to change you and they shouldn't say
hurtful things to you
have you ever had a miscarriage?
My husband would have gotten mad and said
something like that too if he thought I
said it just to get a reaction (sorry,
don't take that the wrong way please, but
you did say it in the heat of the moment,
right?0
so maybe you guys should keep up your
break a little longer, but with no contact
for another week, and then meet in a
nonconflicting place and talk about what
is bothering the two of you
|
sheeridinprincess
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Nov 2004 Posts: 98 Location: Oregon
Posted: 12-05-04 14:56pm
You need to be strong and stay away from
him its best for you and your baby. I'm
much like you i'm so in love with my
boyfriend that he can do anything to me
and I will stay however he isn't abusive
in anyway. But has cheated on me several
times and I wish I could be as strong as
you and leave. Hun you need to do this
for yourself and your baby no one should
tellyou u can't have your parents at your
wedding or at the hospital.
|
Moira
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 302 Location: somewhere where it rains a lot
Re: Need Some Advice On What to Do With My Babydaddy!!! Posted: 12-05-04 15:36pm
johnswifey
wrote:
i love him so much that I
have taken it all this time until last
tuesday when I didnt exactly say we were
threw but I think he got the hint
anyways...
good for you! That's an important step,
and it must have been really hard to do,
especially when you're preggo. It's
actually quite common for a guy to get
more abusive during pregnancy.
[quote="jw"}i cant even go out on my porch
without him tellin me im cheating on
him...He doesnt let me go
anywhere,...[/quote]
that's not good. Controlling you like
that is not justifiable, ever. He can
rationalise to himself that he has to stop
you cheating on him, but it's just not
reasonable.
[quote="jw"}every single thing that goes
wrong in our relationship is my fault
according to him....He never does anything
wrong...[/quote]
well, that's a classic sign of abuse hun.
It's not his fault at all, it's all
yours...Yeah right. He has issues.
jw
wrote:
he told me I couldnt invite
my family to our wedding when we got
married and that they couldnt be at the
hospital when I had the
baby...
that's just horrible. Any man that could
try and control birth day, when you're
going to be doing all the work and when
you need support well, he's just cruel.
jw
wrote:
i know I will end up giving
into him again because im a vulnerable
person....
no you won't. You're nto a vulnerable
person, if you were you wouldn't have had
the strength to dump him - that shows how
strong you are. Even after taking all
this abuse from him, you still managed to
do it.
jw
wrote:
i dont know what to
do....
ok, here's my advise: have a few days
where you try not to think about it, where
you just spoil yourself rotton. You
deserve it. Get your favourite movies out
from blockbuster, eat your favourite
foods, call your girlfriends over
-whatever you do to treat yourself.
Beyond that, mommamax is right,
counselling will really help you come to
terms with this. Sounds like your
families supportive, which is great for
you.
jw
wrote:
feel like im some clay and
hes just molding me to be more and more of
how he wants me and im fed
up....
of course you do. That's what an abuser
does - he tries to make you what he wants
and then punishes you for not reaching his
ideal. He has the problem, not you.
jw
wrote:
i dont want anything to do
with him at least until the baby is
born...Is that a good or bad idea....I
know this is getting long so i'll just
wait for replies
now....
keep your distance. Tell him if he's not
going to be civil you won't talk to him at
all, and when you do have to talk to him
(eg to say how the pregnancys going) try
to keep it to the point and not gt
emotional.
You've done the hard part -you've left
him. If you can do that, you can do
anything. Just stay away and focus on
being happy and healthy for he little one.
You know, some women are trapped in
relationships like this for years, you've
had the strength to get out. You hould be
darned proud of yourself! I know it seems
hard, but there are good times ahead.
|
l2at24
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1509
Posted: 12-05-04 16:21pm
All I have to say is go with your
instincts. If you have a bad feeling
about it, then don't stay. Once you make
a decision, then you can take the next
steps instead of going back and forth,
should I stay or leave? Who knows how
many years that could go on. There are a
lot of things that I overlooked when I was
younger, and now I ask myself why didn't
you get it? It gets to a point where you
feel like there's no turning back. Don't
get that far. Leave him now. You still
have to maintain some kind of a
relationship for your child. You never
know what will happen in the future. My
friend split with her baby's daddy and
about 4 years later they got back together
and are married now. You won't regret
leaving, but you might regret staying.
Like momma said counseling is perfect.
The counselor can help you figure out
exactly what you need to do to get away
from the abuse, and how to work with him
about your child.
|
Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Posted: 12-05-04 19:47pm
Hey hun,
i think every relationship has it;s ups
and downs I know mine does and I have been
through alot of this with my man. I cant
tell you what to do wether to stay or
leave you have to make that decision for
yourself know one knows what you can
handle or take. Some men/women are very
insecure and you just cant change that. I
know that it is hard and right now your
emotions are going every which way. And
he is probally scared to and he just
doesnt know what to say or do. First I
would def. Try to talk to him and express
how you feel,but if he is anything like my
man it goes in one ear or out the other.
So you need to find in yourself what you
want for yourself.. Good luck and pm me
if you need me
|
JohnsWifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
Posted: 12-05-04 19:59pm
mommax3
wrote:
hi sweetie
did you ever talk to him about going in to
counseling?
Or at least go by yourself first?
Too me it sounds like a really bad
situation that I wouldn't want to bring my
baby into
how old is babysdaddy?
(how old are you?)
if someone loves you they shouldn't want
to change you and they shouldn't say
hurtful things to you
have you ever had a miscarriage?
My husband would have gotten mad and said
something like that too if he thought I
said it just to get a reaction (sorry,
don't take that the wrong way please, but
you did say it in the heat of the moment,
right?0
so maybe you guys should keep up your
break a little longer, but with no contact
for another week, and then meet in a
nonconflicting place and talk about what
is bothering the two of
you
my babysdaddy is 21 and I am 18....We were
together almost 3 years ago when I was 14
and he was 17 and I left him for cheating
on me...And then we got back together in
september of this year because I still
loved him...No I have never had a
miscarriage...This is my forst pregnancy
but for him to pretty much say I dont care
whether my child lives or dies was way
over the top....I have tried every single
day to talk to him and all I get is that
im wrong, its my fault and it doesnt
matter how I feel....I think im dont with
me and him for good....As far as my child
goes, he will have every right to see
him/her but thats as far as it goes....I
wont go to counseling because for one, I
know he would never go and it aint worth
it....He is not worth my time
anymore....He proved that to me by his
actions.....Thanks for all the advice
though...
|
JohnsWifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
For Everyone Elses Advice Posted: 12-05-04 20:05pm
Thank all of you soo much....But I think a
lot of you think that this just started
and it hasnt its been going on for months
now....There is no hope for me and him...I
was stupid to stay around this damn
long...Thats my fault....But I will not
take this out on my child at all....I dont
really care what he does anymore...If he
doesnt want anything to do with my child,
so be it...I'll do it by my damn self like
I have been already for the last 8
weeks...If he does, thats kool too....I
just dont have time for his bullshyt no
more....Im going to go through this
pregnancy on my own and with the help of
you guys and my family and i'll be ok....I
dont need his ass no more...I've had
enough and me writing this post in the
first place made me realize that...I know
I wasnt going to give him another chance
when I wrote this post but I thought maybe
there was something I wasnt seeing so
thats why I asked for your guys' help....I
appreciate everything you guys...U guys
mean a lot to me and so does my child
which is why I refuse to suffer for his
ass anymore...
|
Tazzy D
Advanced Support Team
Joined: 30 Oct 2004 Posts: 3718 Location: , va
Re: For Everyone Elses Advice Posted: 12-05-04 20:12pm
[quote="johnswifey"]thank all of you soo
much....But I think a lot of you think
that this just started and it hasnt its
been going on for months now....There is
no hope for me and him...I was stupid to
stay around this damn long...Thats my
fault....But I will not take this out on
my child at all....I dont really care what
he does anymore...If he doesnt want
anything to do with my child, so be
it...I'll do it by my damn self like I
have been already for the last 8
weeks...If he does, thats kool too....I
just dont have time for his bullshyt no
more....Im going to go through this
pregnancy on my own and with the help of
you guys and my family and i'll be ok....I
dont need his ass no more...I've had
enough and me writing this post in the
first place made me realize that...I know
I wasnt going to give him another chance
when I wrote this post but I thought maybe
there was something I wasnt seeing so
thats why I asked for your guys' help....I
appreciate everything you guys...U guys
mean a lot to me and so does my child
which is why I refuse to suffer for his
ass anymore...
Well you go girl there is the pregnancy
spirit. You will never be alone you have
all of us to stand behind you,beside you,
oh and in front of you.. Loook at it this
way we are your guardian angels
|
JohnsWifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
Posted: 12-05-04 22:42pm
I know all u guys got my back...And thats
why I got mad love for all of you....
|
lil_blaze2004
Supporter
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 12-06-04 10:09am
He sounds like one of my exes- and I was
not smart enough to get rid of him. Now
I look back on that relationship and
realize it was one of the most damaging
experiences of my life. I am so happ yto
not be with that guy anymore even though I
thought he was "the one" I too was 18
when I started going out with him and it
ended when I was 21. I am now 25 and
with a "real" man who loves me for me and
lets me live my life. Wifey- it's up to
u but it sound real unhealthy to me and
will not be good for your child to be in a
household like that.
|
l2at24
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1509
Posted: 12-06-04 10:38am
I'm proud of you for being strong enough
to make that decision. It's hard to do
especially when you're pregnant, but like
I said you will never regret it.
I am so proud of you!! I think walking
away is the best thing you could do for
yourself and your child!! .Y.O.U. .G.O.
.G.I.R.L. !!
|
JohnsWifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
Posted: 12-06-04 14:20pm
Ok I have another question now.....He
keeps calling and calling and I already
know what hes going to say but I refuse to
talk to him...I will not answer when he
calls or I have someone else answer...I am
wrong for that???Should I answer the phone
or what???
|
l2at24
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Nov 2004 Posts: 1509
Posted: 12-06-04 14:21pm
Unless you have something to tell him
about his baby, I say no talking. Also,
you need to change your name!!!!!!
(johnswifey)
|
JohnsWifey
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2004 Posts: 117 Location: Milwaukee, wi
Posted: 12-06-04 14:24pm
I thought about changing my name too...As
a matter of fact, im about to go do that
right now....But thats how I feel about
the talking thing too.....Thanks....
