Imagine hating birds in the morning.
Imagine hating the sunrise. All things
bright and beautiful were dark and
menacing. I have had glimpses of mental
freedom that you mention and I loved it,
but not enough to avoid going back to the
darkness. I have finally begun to
understand "one day at a time". It is
not about what I will or must do tomorrow.
It is about what I am doing right now. I
just finished running, meditating and
praying. It's a good way to start the
day. Thanks for the words of
encouragement.
The lonliness you mention is something
that I have never been used to and have a
hard time with. I used to just have a
drink to feel happy and the lonliness
didn't matter. Now I spend time alone
and am uncomfortable and don't like it.
At times I am fine, other times I am just
feeling alone. I have heard that hobbies
help but I just haven't had the energy to
start anything new. Any suggestions?
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ROBSPACE1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2005 Posts: 14
Noisy Birds And Nosy Neighbors- Posted: 11-03-05 21:38pm
I just liked the way that all rolled off
the tongue-hahha---good deal light-have
you done any serious time in in-patient
treatment?-i found that 3 months of good
food-recreation-volley ball -tennis and
chicks!-yea-they let us hang with the
ladies-play guitars etc-it was the best
treatment I have ever had-most treatment
centers are a 3 wk. Bootcamp cleanup
thing-thats ok for the young-new users-but
us veterans need more then that-just my
observation-the relapse rate with
treatment centers is so high because the
stuff is not even completely out of the
body-let alone the mind-i went through the
bootcamp centers twice-me and everybody
else were wanting to take off ever minute
in there-the 6 or 7 meetings a day and no
recreation or talking to the women-well-it
may work for some-but all it did for me
was keep me pissed-to much like
jail-finally the state ordered me to the
state treatment center-it was great-it was
a good mixture of education and
recreation-we had bingo nights with
prises-arts and crafts-games-musical
instruments etc-and the staff were
fantastic-none of that push and shove
crap-none of the get clean or else!
Menatallity-lets face it: the best way to
get off any drug or alcohol is whatever
works for you-i think people need to be in
a fairly comfortable inviroment to really
open up the mind and listen-the other
places I tuned em out- cuz they pissed me
-what your doing is good-do you have any
clean friends to hang with or go to c.A.
Meetings with?-did you know treatment is
free if you can't afford it?-light-if you
are able to kick it's ass on your
own-great-but don't be afraid to ask for
help with this-i was able to walk away
from every other drug over the years-not
coke-the caca is way too strong-it was for
me-and it kept lieing-it is very tricky
and decieving-it;s amazing-kinda like it
has a mind of it's own!-it definately has
it's own agenda-too take everything you
have and leave you screaming for more-then
it is still not satisfied with putting you
in the poorhouse-now it is after the big
prize-your life!--i watched my partner
die-he did a big shot-it blew a blood
vessell in his brain-and flooded the brain
with blood-instant vegetable-brain
dead-that quick!-his parents had to have
the machines unplugged and let him go-47
years old-and ya want to hear the real
sick part-me and 2 of his brothers rode
the elevator in the hospital down to the
ground floor-and on the way down we made
arrangements to get some more coke-later
that day-5 floors up their brother is
dead-and the coke was still not happy-it
wanted the whole damn family-!What kind of
evil caca is it?-nothing in the world can
do that to people---light-make a choice
and just quit and don't look back-keep
clean runnin buddies and don't drink-go to
churcjh or meetings or just stay home and
pray-just don't pick up-don't let it
win-good luck-say hi to the dog-for
me-dude is nut's-and his old lady is
packin some heavy armor-aloha!
|
The Light
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2005 Posts: 6 Location: Hawaii
Noisy Birds Posted: 11-04-05 00:57am
Thanks robspace,
i have not been to treatment and with the
job I have I don't think I can. I do hang
with non-users and have good sponsor who
is also a friend. I just can't make it
past a few months. Then a few weeks, then
a few days. One day at a time works, or
one minute at a time works too. I keep
trying and will keep trying. I have never
heard of c.A. I know of n.A. But have
not been. Most of the people at my aa
meeting are also former users, including
my sponsor, so that really hepls with the
understanding.
I really appreciate your input and will
just keep the damn phone out of my hand!
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ROBSPACE1
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 Oct 2005 Posts: 14
Hey-light-just a Couple Tips- Posted: 11-06-05 21:00pm
Light-one of the big things I had/have to
do is to find out what my triggers
are-what it takes to get me to re-lapse
and pick up again-here's a few that I
discovered within myself that could lead
me back to that life-1-alcohol-2-anger
which is lonliness manifested most of the
time-3-too much isolation-4-listening to
the song cocaine-(i'm serious)-you'd- be
surprised how music can send the mind
right back to the "good old days"---but
the main trigger that has caused me to
relaspe is being around the stuff or
alcohol-that means saying goodbye to old
buddies-hey this is called self
preservation and I am my biggest
charity-if I don'r dig myself enough to
quit destoying myself' then it would all
be a waste of time to change-but-the
longer I stay clean; the more I like life
and me again-that is not ego light but we
all do need to be able to look at that
face in the mirror and not think "what a
hideous creature that is"!Lol--don't lose
humor or love for others while making
these life safing changes-good luck-
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ndnbutterfly
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jun 2006 Posts: 1 Location: Canada
Posted: 06-03-06 05:13am
Gh
|
le_fou
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2007 Posts: 1
Posted: 01-11-07 13:19pm
I did coke for around 2 years. The
first year I would do half a gram or even
less a week, the second one i've been
doing 1.5 gr a week. I never stopped
working, or being functional, but this
last half year, everytime I did coke I
started feeling awful (asphyxia, horrible
headaches, constant coughing, the horrible
taste). I quit coke by myself a month
ago.
I would mostly do mj, coke and alcohol on
weekends. I haven't had any craving for
coke. Sometimes I think having some
would be nice, but I have been able to
scare those thoughts away with remembering
how awful I was feeling during my last
takes, as well as feeling guilty and angry
against coke keeps me from consuming.
I have found I don't think about it
regularly. However I am scared I would
become unexpectedly mad for it, since I
haven't had much symptoms, except
boredom.
The last time I took cocaine I was angry
at how badly I was feeling that I threw
every evidence away, the dealer phones,
phones of people I hanged around with to
take it etc.
I still do mj, but less frequently, just
some or other night I can't sleep well,
helps me eat and sleep. Work and being
busy helps as well. Even leaving coke
made me smoke a lot less (a small pipe pot
charge and 3 tobacco cigs a day) I don't
know if I didn't become too addicted,
because I think I should have, judging
from the time I consumed... However I
find a bit odd that I think of it a lot
less than I thought I would when I quit
it. I want things to remain the way
they have worked for the last month...
Am I almost free or is the worst about to
happen?
|
1247jj
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Oct 2007 Posts: 1
Habit Posted: 10-01-07 04:52am
I have always enjoyed going out drinking
beers and partying it up with my friends.
I don't ever want to stop going out and
having fun on the weekends at parties or
bars. I never did any drugs until I got
out of college. For the past 8 years or so
I have been doing coke when I go out
drinking. It has gotten to the point where
I can't drink anymore without craving
coke. I've tried hanging with different
people to get away from the whole scene,
but I always find my way back to my coke
buddies. All my good friends who I have
hung out with since I was little are
caught up in the crap. It's not that easy
to just not hang out with them. I would
die of boredom sitting home all the time.
I don't know how to go out and just
instantly find a whole new group of people
to be with. I wish everything could go
back to the old days where everyone just
drank beers and had a good time. I guess
the point I'm trying to make is you
screwed no matter what option you take.
|
micro149
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Jan 2008 Posts: 8
Cocaine Drug Rehab - Cocaine Addiction - What is it? Posted: 01-24-08 10:32am
I stumbled upon this forum about cocaine
addiction and it got me wondering.
What actually brings someone to be
addicted to specifically cocaine as
apposed to heroin, alcoholism, or other drug addiction. So, I did a
little research on cocaine and where it
came from.
The definition Cocaine
(Methylbenzoylecgonine) is a crystalline
tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the
leaves of the coca plant. The name comes
from "coca" in addition to the alkaloid
suffix -ine, forming cocaine. It is both a
stimulant of the central nervous system
and an appetite suppressant. Specifically,
it is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor. It
gives a feeling to what has been described
as a euphoric sense of happiness and
increased energy. It is most often used
recreationally for this effect. Because of
the way it affects the mesolimbic reward
pathway, cocaine is addi
ctive. Nevertheless, cocaine is still
used in medicine as a topical anesthetic,
even in children, specifically in eye,
nose and throat surgery.
Its possession, cultivation, and
distribution are illegal for non-medicinal
and non-government sanctioned purposes in
virtually all parts of the world. Although
its free commercialization is illegal and
has been severely penalized in virtually
all countries, its use worldwide remains
widespread in many social, cultural, and
personal settings.
I found out most of my information from
wikipedia but I found this site on Google,
National Treatment Centers and it
explained what addiction was and where to
get drug
rehabilitation for it.
|
cole915
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Feb 2008 Posts: 1
please help me.... Posted: 02-04-08 20:38pm
So my boyfriend told me the other day and
hes addicted to cocaine. He said he does
it once a week and has been for about 5
months. I realize this could be MUCH much
worse but once is bad enough. I dont know
what to do... he seems to believe that he
can stop on his own, and I can see in his
eyes that he wants to but I think hes
under estimating the power of the drug. He
told me that its just a 'social thing',
only doing it when hes with certain people
and drinking...which I had to laugh about
because it just seems ridiculous to say.
My first thought was to leave because Ive
never even smoke a cigarette and I refuse
to be taken down with his drug problem.
Then I realized that I was the only one he
trusted enough to tell and he clearly
needs help. I love him I really do but I
dont know if I should believe him when he
says hes clean. I mean hes been lying to
me for 5 months so what am I supposed to
think.... I dunno I was so ready to get
him into a rehab but he swears that he can
do this on his own. Is this stupid to
think that he can? Any suggestions anyone
has please please please let me know!!!
~Nicole
P.S
I asked him how much money hes been
spending on it and he told me about $80 a
week... I dont know much about drugs and
I'm curious if that gets a lot.
|
AngieS
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Feb 2008 Posts: 5
Need some help?!?!?! Posted: 02-17-08 21:37pm
Hi I am turning 30 this week, I want to
quit coke. Even as I write that statement,
I get that little voice in my head saying-
quit forever?? I hate that voice. I have
been doing coke for it seems about 8 years
now. I used to do it like 4 times a week,
by myself, get crazy paranoid, up till all
hours. Fighting depression, I lied to
everyone. I quit for one month, but then
started again. This time on the weekends a
bump here or there when I was drinking.
This "casual" use has gone on for the last
year and a half. I justified to myself
because I had been so much worse in the
past, and now it was just a little here
and there. I live in a party city and I
bartend at a big nightclub, so you can
imagine how easy it is, coke flows in this
city like water. Sometimes it seems that
everyone does coke. It's crazy. I can't
quit bartending right now, it is my source
of income and it pays very well. I am
going back to school, I have plans on
moving because the me that I love doesn't
like all this craziness. The crazy partier
that I turn into sometimes... I really
don't like myself when I'm like that. I do
love myself, but sometimes I think how
could I and do this to my body? Yet, the
drug addict overcomes me at times. I
finally realized that I am a drug addict,
yet I'm a little unsure how to totally
stop. I have many friends that do not use,
most of the time when I am with them, I
don't use either... but other times I just
hide it. I try doing one day at a time,
just seems like once a week I have been
messing up. I started going to church, but
I never seem to wake up in time, seeing I
bartend saturday nights till like 6am. I
thinking maybe to start going to NA
meetings?? Should I get a sponser, how
does that work?? Is there someone that I
can be doing with my nutrition to help the
depression and all the damage I have done
to my brain. What scares me is that I will
die if I do not stop this. Cocaine and
drugs killed my good good friend already.
I have always been a very smart girl, yet
this way of life is just so so stupid. Can
anyone give some advice??
