Pregnancy Forum - Too Soon to Deal With This!

Join Our Community!

Pregnancy Forum > Pregnancy Forum > Too Soon to Deal With This!

TOPICS DOCTOR QUESTIONS

Stages of Labor

What happens during labor? What do contractions feel like? And how do I know that labor has begun? Read on to learn about birthing basics....

Symptoms of Labor

Signs of labor occur after 36 weeks of pregnancy. Learn about the difference between real and false contractions. Plus, we outline signs of delivery complicati...

Treating pain during labor

Almost all women worry about the pain of childbirth. Preparing for childbirth includes thinking about how you'd like to cope with the pain of labor. Read on for...

Q: Too Soon to Deal With This!

asked by: mommyof2many on December 14th, 2004

New User

Okay so I was in the kitchen doing dishes tonight when my daughter comes in. I could tell something had been bothering her ever since she got home today so I thought since we were alone in the kitchen it would be a good time to ask her. I didnt want to push her into answering and after a little while she asks "if you have unprotected sex but the guy doesnt cum in you can you still get pregnant" I dropped the dish I was drying and physically felt ill. The only thing that was running through my mind was omg shes having sex shes only 13! I didn't want to scare her by acting hysterical so I asked the dreaded question if she was and she said no that a friend was wondering - great the same line I told my mom when I thought I was pregnant. Of course we've had "the talk" and everything and she's always been very mature but this is completely freaking me out. I want to believe her that she wouldn't do something that stupid and wouldn't lie to me about it, but I just dont know. I just dont know how to go about dealing with this.

|

Replies(19)

snowball

replied on December 15th, 2004

Experienced User

My husbands step sister was only 11 when she got pregnant and her response was that all of her friends were having sex and that it was just the in thing. These girls today look very mature there is a lot of young people today having childre.

Rolling Eyes

Rolling Eyes

|

PosrscheLvr

replied on December 15th, 2004

Experienced User

I would try the approach of maybe just telling her to be honest with you. When I was that age I couldn't even fathom having sex. It's the scariest thing to have a child that young ask you about something of that nature. Just try your best to equip her with the knowledge and pray she can make the right decisions. I don't have any children and I am young myself. I can only say I am glad my parents took the time to talk to me, again and again about the repercautions of sex. It definitely helped me make some better life decisions.

|

Tazzy D

replied on December 15th, 2004

Advanced Support Team

My opinion if it is her she will come to you when she is ready not when we want them to. You can tell her if she wants to talk that you are here for her.

|

l2at24

replied on December 15th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I want to post something, but I don't know what to say. You know her best you're the momma. Just go with your instincts, but waiting on her is kind of scary to me. If she's having sex, you need to take care of that now. Either it be keeping tighter tabs on her or getting her on bc. You don't need a grandchild on top of your 8 babies that's for sure.

|

Newmommy23

replied on December 15th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

All I can say is wow!! I don't know what I would do. I remember being 14 and my mom never really sat me down and talked about sex but by the time she did it was too late!! I think teaching them about safe sex and all that is important to start at an early age! My step-sister knows just about all there is to know about the subject and she just turned 12! I think waiting on them could be a bad move! I wish my mom would have pushed harder!! Good luck hun!

|

BeckLyn

replied on December 15th, 2004

Experienced User

Yeah I agree with lana. If you are seriously worried, tell her that if she does think about having sex, that you are willing to get her on b/c. That is a tough one. I had sex when I was 15. Almost 16. And I couldn't even think about telling my parents....

|

rlr79

replied on December 15th, 2004

Experienced User

I think that it's a good sign that she at least talked to you about it. Hopefully it was about her friend, but if it wasn't at least you're not completely in the dark about it. My mom was always really open with me, and took me to go get on bc before I even started having sex. Maybe you can tell her that since her friends are doing it that you know she probably is at least thinking about it, and it might be best to get on the pill or something? Just make sure you let her know that you are there for her to talk to and try not to flip out if she comes to you.

|

pinkbaby

replied on December 15th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

I never wanted to talk to my mom about that kinda stuff, and I still dont. And whether she told me 'its bad' or 'dont do it' I didnt listen. I always ended up doing what I wanted reguardless of what my mom said. I thought I knew everything. She would try and pull stuff out of me and it would push me even farther away. But when the time came and I felt comfortable, I would always turn to her.

|

mommyof2many

replied on December 15th, 2004

New User

After all the kids were in bed I decided to go see aurora and just let her know that if she needed or wanted to talk that I was there for her no matter what. I didn't want to push her and scare her so I was going to leave it at that but when I went to leave she started crying and saying how sorry she was and how it just happened (how does it just happen!) that they only did it once and that she didnt want to anymore because she was scared of what could happen. I admit there was a part of me that wanted to scream and ask how she could do something so stupid when she was so smart, but how can I be mad at her when I did the exact same thing. (now I know how my mother felt) I just let her pour out what she was feeling and told her that we'd just wait and see and whatever happens we'd all deal with it together. I just keep thinking that maybe if I spent more time with her that none of this would have happened.

|

btrflydrm63

replied on December 15th, 2004

New User

The truth is, no kid ever feels comfortable talking to their parents about sex. Now days kids are having sex at age 10 and 11 before they are old enough to know much about getting pregnant, but right at the age they get their periods. If you suspect your daughter is having sex. You should think about putting her on birth control. It may not be what you want to hear, but they are going to do it behind your back regardless of how many talks you have with them. Even if you dont condone her doing it, at least you will know that a baby wont ruin her life.

|

KaiGela

replied on December 15th, 2004

Experienced User

This is america, everyone is having sex at such a young age, its just life, and I mean, no matter how many "sex talks" you give them, it won't stop them. It'll give them ideas of the dangers and risks, but it won't neccesarily stop them. My parents never gave me the "sex talk".

I was 13 when I got pregnant. I felt alone and as if my parents would think less of me. Of course they would, I mean, 13 and having sex.

Please give her your support and don't yell at her. It's okay to be angry but if she is pregnant, she will want your support and she will want to know that you're there for her no matter what. Pregnancy at such a young age is hard to deal with, so she'll need your love.

|

Newmommy23

replied on December 16th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

Wow girl I am sorry. You did the right thing though and u guy's are obviously close for her to confide in you like that! There is nothing you could have done!! Could your mom have changed your mind?

|

Tazzy D

replied on December 16th, 2004

Advanced Support Team

Well the only thing I can say is get her on something no matter if she is going to do it again or not. There is always peer pressure out there, or the wrong place at the wrong time. We all know about that. I wish you luck with whatever the outcome is. Have you spoken to your husband about it?

|

*Valerie020905*

replied on December 16th, 2004

New User

Im glad she finally admitted to you. I know it must be scary for you to be dealing with this. I was 16 when I started having sex but my mom never really talked about it to me I knew what would happen but that was it. I have 4 nieces ages 18-15-13- and 2 months old. I talked to my older nieces about sex all the time I even made them watch that movie kids about these teens having sex with whoever and getting aids its a good movie. Well my oldest niece still did it...I told her if she thought she was ready to let me know the guy she was with they were together about 3 years...At first I was disapointed but I am glad she is taking responsiblity for her actions she is on the pill and doesn't want any kids right now. My 15 year old niece told me she has let her boyfriend at the time try oral sex on her...I kinda got mad because we all know where that can lead too...I told her please if you do let me know I will be there for her. Now days younger kids are having sex sometimes I know peer pressure can be a big influence.

|

l2at24

replied on December 16th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

I really can't say because I don't have children that age, and I haven't been through it. But, i'm praying that I will never go through that. My parents only cared if I had manners and good grades. Nothing else. I definately won't be like that. My daughters may hate me, but I will do everything in my power to keep it from happening. I'm really not into "that's how it is nowadays". I don't accept that. It's no different than it's ever been, but that attitude towards it is what's making people think it is. I'll let you know how it's going with my kids in 10 years... Laughing

Laughing

|

mommyof2many

replied on December 16th, 2004

New User

I havent spoken to steve about it yet. I know when I was having sex I was more afraid of how my dad would react then my mom I was kind of a daddy's girl which is what aurora is to her father. I think this would just crush him and anger him of course which is understandable but I think its going to hurt him more to realize shes no longer his sweet innocent little girl. She's asked me not to say anything to him and I don't want to break her confidence in me especially now but another part of me is saying he's her father and has a right to know whats going on in his daughters life. I know if we put her on bc, which is no doubt what will end up happening, it will be a decision that has to be made with all 3 of us. I just feel like i'm being pulled into two different directions right now.

|

kristynchase

replied on December 16th, 2004

Experienced User

I know that when my mom found out that I was having sex she made me get on the shot..But the hardest thing to do was to have to tell my father.. That to a girl is hard.. I was a daddy's girl and I didnt want to disappoint him.. And I think that my mom making me tell my dad was the hardest thing I have had to do.. And afterwords it was so hard to look him in the face.. I was so embaressed for the longest time.. Do what you believe is right for yourchild... You are the one that knows her the best..

|

Newmommy23

replied on December 16th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

I think you should talk to her and give her the choice of she tells him or you do and then I think the 3 of you should sit down and talk about it! That is my opinion! I didn't tell my mom someone else did so she just yelled alot lol.

|

KaiGela

replied on December 16th, 2004

Experienced User

And it is soo heartbreaking. I mean for me it was, because I know I hurt my dad. And it hurt to know that he would never look at me the same way again. You need to talk to him and explain it as best you can. Tell him to be supportive, because she really needs your help and support at this time of her life, esp at such a young age.

|

Search

Learn About Us

Get Help

Getting Started

Join In

Free Medical Forms

Community Guidelines

Do More

Become an Expert

Become a Partner

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc