Pregnancy Forum - Why Me!!!

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Q: Why Me!!!

asked by: 1stTimeMom2Be on December 20th, 2004

Experienced User

Well my "sperm donor" if you will, was my last man...And that ni99a crushed me so much mentally that I havent really been able to talk to people the same or do any of the same things I used too....Becuz when I was with him , I wasnt aloud to do anything or talk to anyone and I think I was at a vulnerable time in my life where I chose to put up with that shyt cuz I didnt wanna be alone and then when I got pregnant I came to my senses and realized my child is more important then this busted a$$ ni99a so I left him....Which was about 3 weeks ago...People have been wantin to meet and shyt and I havent been able to do that yet becuz he brought my self esteem down so low that I just dont even feel confortable around people like that right now...I let him do a lot of damage...Mentally and emotionally, and now im payin for it...I was always the one sayin I would neva let a ni99a do anything to me like that and then I turned around and let him do it to me....I think if I wouldve stayed with him a day longer the abuse wouldve turned physical...And it hurts to know that I put up with that shyt...And then I listen to everyone tell me how stupid I am for gettin pregnant by him and leaving him, and how im a bad mother becuz im refusing him the right to his child... Im at a breakin point right now... : that was just on my mind and I had to let it out... It means a lot just to be able to talk to someone sometimes... I dont want it to seem like im puttin my problems on you guys, or like im askin for something back... I cant believe I even got any tears left for his punk a$$ its just wat im going through cuz of the shyt hes done...And then it hurts even more becuz then I will have to explain to my child all this over again...I just wanna know wat I have done that is so bad that I have to go through this shyt...I know ive done wrong before but damn...It aint over wit...Dats what im sayin...Im still dealin with that shyt....The shyt he has done to be and said to me has totally taken all of my self esteem and is keepin me from other relationships right now... I dont even go out anymore... I dont have fun...I dont know what none of that shyt even feels like anymore...I know i'll be iight but the shyt is just hard right now....I aint neva imagined myself going through shyt like this...Ive always been the strong one outta all my peoples... Now I feel like the nobody... I try to hide the shyt cuz I dont wanna stress myself out... I got a shorty whos life depends on me right now... I have to hide it right now...I aint got nobody I can talk to like this...Nobody understands me around here...Everybody just thinks im yung and over exageratin...But im so so serious...I try so hard not to sweat it cuz I dont wanna think about the ni99a no more period but I cant help it...Everytime I get bored I feel like its his fault becuz when I was bored before him I went and did something but now I dont feel confortable doing stuff anymore...I look in the mirror and think im so ugly and fat cuz of shyt he done did and said to me...The way he treated me made me feel ugly...Im just not the same confident person I was before... He changed me for the worst...Im hurt bad....My child is the only reason thats keepin me going right now....I dont kno wat I would do without my child right now...Sorry guys but I had to vent to someone....I had to let it out....Thanks so much all of you....U girls mean a lot to me....

Replies(13)

:::bubblegum:::

replied on December 20th, 2004

Experienced User

Omg hun, im so sorry bout your life! Im sure your feel better soon..I think you need to talk to someone. Som1 close to you. Its good your talking about it with us, it can only make things better. Try to think about happy things, about how you have people who want you to go out! Some people dont evn have that. Just keep ur head high. Goodluck Wink

Tazzy D

replied on December 20th, 2004

Advanced Support Team

I'm here... Vent on.

Newmommy23

replied on December 20th, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

Ohh hunny! Don't let him get to you anymore! He is gone now!! Now it is you and your baby and those are the two most important people in the world right now. You seem to be suffering from depression and I think you would benefit from talking to a priest if you have one or just someone you really trust. You need to talk it all out so that when your baby comes you are ready to be the best mom u can be!! We are here for you! Keep your head up and remember god doesn't make anything ugly!!

steen

replied on December 20th, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Just remember that he is the jerk. Certainly, when somebody have bullied and controlled you, you get into the habit of being unsure over doing anything on your own. That is how those types get such control over you. You are not alone in this, and it is not your fault.

Take your time and heal up. It is like a broken leg; you are not up and walking again the next day. You are worn out and stressed, but I must congratulate you on taking charge of your own life. You are doing just the right thing in looking at the big picture and decide what is best for you and the little one.

I am impressed with the strengt you showed and I am sure that you will get back on your feet soon, simply because you have decided to do so. You have shown more strengt in this situation than many others could have. You can be proud of that.

So hang in there and just work on caring for yourself. Remember that you are the one with the personal worth, while he is the ^%$#%$#^

Tazzy D

replied on December 20th, 2004

Advanced Support Team

steen wrote:

just remember that he is the jerk. Certainly, when somebody have bullied and controlled you, you get into the habit of being unsure over doing anything on your own. That is how those types get such control over you. You are not alone in this, and it is not your fault.

Take your time and heal up. It is like a broken leg; you are not up and walking again the next day. You are worn out and stressed, but I must congratulate you on taking charge of your own life. You are doing just the right thing in looking at the big picture and decide what is best for you and the little one.

I am impressed with the strengt you showed and I am sure that you will get back on your feet soon, simply because you have decided to do so. You have shown more strengt in this situation than many others could have. You can be proud of that.

So hang in there and just work on caring for yourself. Remember that you are the one with the personal worth, while he is the ^%$#%$#^

sorry I have to say this
steen that is the nicest thing that I have seen you post and well said if I say so myself. Now this is the way the forum is suppose to be

jillie81

replied on December 20th, 2004

Experienced User

Here, here!!! I think you need to talk to someone, if that means posting to us then go ahead, i'm here if you want to chat. As steen said you've decided what you want to do and that's look after yourself and your child. Forget him, I know that's easier said then done, but one step at a time. I know you'll get there!

lidarkeyes

replied on December 20th, 2004

New User

Always!

I am always here for ya girl!! And you can talk to me whenever you feel the need!! Please don't hesitate :d

1stTimeMom2Be

replied on December 21st, 2004

Experienced User

Thank u guys all so much....Everything I told u guys is what I told this guy last night that ive been talkin too...Dont worry, only a friend...He asked why I was single and pregnant and thats wat I all told him....Then I felt bad becuz I felt like I was just pouring my problems on him but he said he understood...And u guys are always the ones I come to first...My family is just not a very trusting family so I cant really talk to them...Thats why im so glad I got you girls....I dont know what I would do without you guys supporting me through this pregnancy and time of my life...U guys are life savers...Im just glad I finally found some people that I can talk to comfortably...Thanks again guys....Luv yous....

sarah anthony

replied on December 21st, 2004

New User

He is the one that hurt you and no one has the right to tell u that u r a bad mum. It is not ur fault at all. And dont ever let ne one tell you otherwise. And as for friends and family if they havent been in your possition then they wouldnt know. This is not ur fault at all and I am always here if u need to talk. I think u need a hug (((hug))) good luck

Newmommy23

replied on December 21st, 2004

Active User, very eHealthy

****hug**** from me too!!! Anytime u need to talk, vent whatever I am here!!

1stTimeMom2Be

replied on December 21st, 2004

Experienced User

Thank u guys again...U guys are great....Anytime I have a problem I will come to you guys....U guys are my support....I love u guys like sisters....

jessamyn

replied on December 23rd, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Babe never let someone control your life like that... Yes you may feel like a different person and be not up to par with self esteem but you have to give yourself a chance know that he is the weak one for sinking to the level of bringing you down and that you are better than that and deserve a chance to live without withdrawls or anything.. Lift your chin up babe and look the world directly in the face go out have fun go to the movies out to lunch treat yourself... Get a pedicure do soemthing drastic just for you and move on! Smile...

And hey saddness brings wrinkles think about it!

sarahsweet

replied on December 23rd, 2004

Extremely eHealthy

Aw sweetie. You know what? It can only get better from here on out. You got rid of the punk, why? Because you are smart. Because you noticed that things were getting out of hand, and because you understand that you are so much better than that! You may feel weak at times, but look at how strong you already are! And you can only get stronger from here on out. And now, you have a wonderful precious little baby to look forward to, and I know that means so much more to you than anything else, especially some dead beat who is going to push you around. Pffftt...You will see how much easier your life will be without him, and I think you will move on much more faster than you think! Good luck hun, and keep us updated.

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