Hey...I didn't know where to post this
problem, so I figured broken hearted was
the best place to do it, this is because
my heart has never been put together
enough to even been broken.
I am 20 years old and I have never had any
kind of girlfriend. The only type of
girlfriend I have had was when I was 12/13
years old and it lasted maybe a month.
I am currently in college and my school
has almost no social scene that meeting
any girls is just about impossible,
especially with over 70% male student
body. Also, I went to all boy's school
for hs, which made meeting girls
impossible at that time as well.
I feel like I missed out on an important
part of my life sexually and emotionally.
I feel like there is more time that I am
missing out on but I just do not know how
to fix the problem.
About a year ago I started to talk to a
girl I knew from when I was 12, and who
used to have a huge crush on me when we
were kids. The talked was very innocent
at first, and she has a boyfriend, but
eventually it became flirting and I could
tell she was attracted to me, but that
boyfriend barrier still existed, and over
time apart when I went back to school our
converstaions were limited to talking on
the internet with a distance barried of
450 miles between us....Soon when I would
talk to her I would notice she was
distant, and I understood because I knew
the reason -- she was reestablishing a
broken relationship with her boyfriend and
their relationship was on the right track
again.
Since then, about 4 months since we were
very flirty, I was so desperate I scoured
the internet for someone to talk to and
met a girl from maryland who I connected
with. After about a month, because of
distance again, she was taken.
I guess my real problem is I don't know
how to fix this problem. It seems like
this comes so easy to other people, to
find someone to start going out with, or
at least get intimate with. I have never
had that, and my fear is that I never
will. I don't know what to do with
myself....I can't even go out and drink
anymore because when I come home alone,
all the alcohol lets me think about is how
lonely I really am...
Any suggestions on how to fix this
problem?
|
quest
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Nov 2004 Posts: 48
Posted: 12-20-04 20:14pm
Go to a party
|
phreaknite
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 2
Posted: 12-22-04 04:45am
I have gone to parties....I gave up on
that when all the parties at my school had
3 girls and about 20 guys. The only time
I really have to meet women is at home,
and im only home 4 weeks out of the year
aside from summer....Not real good time to
brew up a relationship
|
MaseAfter5Years
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Dec 2004 Posts: 6
Posted: 12-22-04 05:01am
Find a new job, a new scene, if all else
fails talk to random people, it may be
scary but, you never know they might just
find you interesting, and who doesnt find
a person intersting if they come out of
the blue and talk to someone, and being on
a college campus with no scoial scene is
tough I am also in one.
|
sftbllchika06
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 413 Location: St. Louis
Posted: 12-31-04 23:14pm
I know somewhat how you feel. I have only
really had one boyfriend. Trust me you
aren't missing much. You just need to
take more chances. Find a girl you think
is cute in one of your classes and talk to
her. Maybe you 2 will hit it off. Go out
to clubs there are plenty of people there.
I have a question though. I need a guy's
point of view. Why do guys flirt and get
close and let the girl think that they are
going to be more than friends but it never
happens?? You don't have to answer that.
I was just wondering because I am sick of
being single and sick of being just the
friend they hang out with.
Meghan
|
Bluman
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 1 Location: UK
Well Join the Club :( Posted: 01-25-05 19:41pm
Hell im 23 and ive never had gf; ive had
my heart broken several times before even
getting anywhere with a woman. Ive been
rejected more than 500 times by women and
there was a time I could just shrug it off
and the bad emotions would pass through
me; how wrong I was. It all builds up
inside and starts to hurt more and more.
Everyone you know has been out with
several people at least. Even the big
fat, geeky mates of yours.
What is so funny is im not fat, good
looking (every1 says I am) and admired by
everyone around me; for my good nature
and kindness and good attitude. Girls
just arent interesting in me for some
reason or something I dont know. I dont
even go for the really good looking ones;
just average ones I find attractive in my
own way. I try frequently in
pubs/nightclubs and women I have worked
with, met while out and about, etc...
Maybe its pure bad luck or something I
dont know; but I have come close so many
times. Ive been given like 30 fake
phone numbers; and even spent entire
nights talking to some girls. Yet they
quickly try to get away from me when they
get the chance.
Fortunately im not a depressed person and
I enjoy doing things and often have bouts
of good mood and get extremely happy and
excited at times. If it wasnt for this
girlfriend dilemna I would be twice as
happy; just to know ive had someoen just
once!! Its just I feel so unloved and
unappreciated by women its unbearable.
There have been four girls I have fancied
so much that I still bear the pain years
later because they rejected me time and
time again.
Its not like I sit in front of my computer
all day everyday and dont go out or
nothing; im constantly out and about where
opportunities should arise but they dont.
Whats so annoying is ive now become
'desperate' which is a bad thing indeed.
And its all I think about all the time
every day now; when it used to once be
something I could stop thinking about
often. Ive cried myself to sleep many a
lonely a night; trying to figure out where
im going wrong.
What scares me the most is I will be 24 by
may and it may take a lot more time to get
my first ever gf; and my heart will be
cold and withered. I have my
emotional health to worry about and im
becoming more and more unstable.
As for sex pff.... My sex drive just
makes things worse I have never got any in
my life; all I hear my friends talk about
is sex this sex that; even my female
friends.
So I really hope you find a girlfriend
mate I reallly do or you may well feel as
bad as I do when your 23 and two thirds; I
really dont understand girls either mate
and why they reject nice guys all the
time.
Dont u think a good looking 23 year old
male whos not fat shoulda got some by
now??? Geeze... Must be bad luck.
Always the guy who treats them mean and
has no feelings that wins all teh girls I
want.
|
rIcHrD
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 19
Don't Dwell On It Posted: 01-28-05 08:53am
If you missed an opportunous time in your
life with regards to sexual and emotional
discoveries, that does not necessarily
make you worse of. Remember you were not
only saved the positive experiences, but
the negative. You had the opportunity to
absorb the positive and the negative from
the safe distance of observer status - you
could see what makes relationships work
and what doesn't, how people deal with the
consequences and whatnots. You're
probably a better person for that and
would be more likely to have a meaningful
relationship than those you observe who
have had a dozen - the reason they've had
a dozen is because at least 11 were bad
ideas.
Don't dwell on it - it doesn't mean much.
It doesn't mean you'll never have a
relationship, nor does it mean you're
incompetent (you may be, I don't know,
just giving an analysis). I'm sure if you
feel you're incompetent in any regard,
you'll have or will be working to correct
it. So the rest is just a matter of time
and perspective. Desperate people end up
in desperate situations - it is created by
the way they pursue a goal - rapidly and
relentlessly such that they never take the
time to sit and watch themselves.
Enjoy life - do the things that make you
happy. Don't force things because you
think you ought to do something or be
somewhere. Perhaps the reason you've
never had a girlfriend is that although
you're interested, you just haven't been
interested enough to make sufficient
concessions for it to happen. No point
chasing something if you don't want it
quite enough - if you see what I mean, you
just end up having to work even harder to
get out of it. Have fun.
|
damien123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 24 Location: Aus
Posted: 03-17-05 16:53pm
I am so glad i'm not the only guy like you
guys. Its sort of comforting to know that
there are others who share the same
unfortunate circumstances as myself. I am
23, never had a girlfriend and have been
rejeceted so many times. I am apparently
really good looking and have a really good
personality (or so i've been told) - I
think the problem is that i'm too nice and
polite. But in my eyes that seems ok to
me. Maybe i'm wrong though? But hey!
I'll try and keep my head up and not let
it bother me. People have told me that it
shouldn't bother me as there's more to
life. But it would be nice to feel loved
and not feel lonely - just too feel it
would be nice. Maybe it'll happen one day
- who knows? Like you all the same
thoughts go through my head and i've cried
on occasions too. It doesn't seem fair.
Especially when you think there's nothing
really wrong with you. It's bound to make
you thinkthough isn't it as I think i'm
missing out on an important part of life.
Anyways, good luck everyone.:)
|
20writer
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2003 Posts: 23
Glad It's Not Just Me Posted: 03-17-05 18:23pm
It's not easy for everyone. I'm in my
early 20s with no sexual or relationship
experience. I've never even been kissed.
For me i've always been self-conscious
because of my weight.
Don't let movies fool you. There's
nothing abnormal about not having a
relationship until your twenties.
Hollywood would have us believe we should
all be sex experts and completely jaded by
age 13.
Look at it this way, those of us still
inexperienced still have the fun ahead of
us of new love and the thrill of the
unfamiliar. Sounds like you focussed on
school and that's going to do you a lot
more good in the long run.
|
BADSAL
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2004 Posts: 257 Location: PA
Posted: 03-17-05 19:40pm
Well put. Oh my gosh- you people are
only in your 20's- you don't need to be
having sex all the time and finding the
love of your life yet. It will come. I
was 18 when I met my man. I was 22 when
I got married. Now I wish I had waited.
So many things change with time, now i'm
in my 30's thinking what the heck was I
thinking back then. Geez you will live
for many many many many more years. You
have plenty of time to figure out what and
who you want to be and be with. Don't
let it bother you.
|
h5101130229
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Mar 2005 Posts: 2 Location: kansas
Posted: 03-29-05 15:38pm
There is nothing wrong with you. I waited
till I was 24 before loosing my virginity
and dated for real. It just took me a
while to find a man I was wanting to date.
You are still young and being 20 and not
having a date ia more common than you
think. I started dating when I was 24 and
had a good dating life since then. It
will all fall into place naturally.
|
madhornet
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Apr 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Hertfordshire, England
Posted: 04-13-05 15:41pm
Well I worry about never having had a
girlfriend as i'm 29 in september. All my
friends around me (both male and female)
just find a girlfriend/boyfriend whenever
they want to. Maybe the trouble is i'm
too nice. I've been told i'm reasonably
good looking, have a fun personality and
sense of humour and have plenty of friends
but there's something I just don't get
about why i've been single all this time.
Problem is I get more and more desperate
as I near my 30's to at least get a
girlfriend.
I'm near breaking point with frustration -
shall I just become an arrogant bloke who
doesn't treat girls well cos it seems most
of them go for that over and over again -
I see it all the time.
Maybe i'll just go and live in another
country away from my 'attached' friends
who keep going on about how 'i'll find
someone when I least expect it'. Rubbish
- it would have happened by now.
Believe me in your early 20's you've
nothing to worry about - it's me that it
doomed to be single forever! I don't care
about finding someone to spend my life
with anymore - i'm destined not to find a
girlfriend or it would have happened
already - at least a short term
relationship of some description would
have been nice.
I'm seriously thinking about travelling
for at least a year and then moving
countries - maybe i'll find some women
who'll treat me with some degree of
respect and not as a permanent doormat or
rattle on about their relationship
problems with their jerk boyfriend yet
never go out with someone who'd treat with
respect. No men like that are too boring
and not enough of a challenge.
I don't understand any of this dating mind
games that goes on and never will.
Not only me,but also many people esle have
the problem.I have never had a
girlfriend.And it seems that girls are not
attracted by me. A girl that I really
love told me that I am a good person,but
she would never treat me as his
boyfriend(just bcuz she has bf?Or she is
just no interested in me?)
i reckon that I won't have any girlfriend
in the coming years...I don't expect
anymore... Just give it up.
Maybe I should lose weight first,i am 6
feet but 198 pounds already.
|
lilphilli107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 11
Posted: 05-19-05 01:39am
Phreaknite, no matter what your choice is,
make sure you will still be focused on
school, dont lose your concentration on
trying to find a girl. Just kick back and
relax, somebody will come for you. And
remember, there are plenty fish in the
sea.
|
Jiltedheart
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 11
Science of Attraction Posted: 05-19-05 06:05am
I will tell you all a secret. It's all a
freakin' science. Attraction is a
science. Body language is a science.
Every single part of attraction. This is
why I say this. A while back maxim put a
book out with a subscription abut how to
read womens body language. I laughed a
bit and tossed it aside. Later I started
watching some specials on discovery about
attraction, body language ect. I then
began to really study it. It's really not
to much to learn and you can just cruise a
room and know if a girl is intersted in
you or not in seconds. This is not an
exaggeration. I am don't pulling anyones
chain. It's the same thing everytime.
Same movements same patterns. You almost
feel like you are reading peoples minds.
It can back fire on you when you notice
your new girl giving signels to someone
else. It's a double edged sword. I do
urge you all to look it up though. As for
meeting girls. I live in houston. This
sounds silly but I have meet three girls
in wal mart in the last two months.
Everyone goes to wal mart. It may all
sound stupid to you and you may think im
full of bs but I promise im not. You have
nothing to lose. I never had luck with
girls till I researched it all. Does
kinda take away the mystery though it's
worth the trade in my opinion. Anyone can
argue it but it's all proven fact. So go
now. Read up on the science of
attraction. One thing though, you have
to drop the shy routine and raise your
chin and show some confidence. The shy
act only works in the movies. Never
worked for me anyways.
|
mnmice115
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jul 2005 Posts: 4 Location: bronx
Im 23 And Never Had a G/f Posted: 07-07-05 03:02am
The most I ever had was this girl I met
online she would hang out with me once
every few weeks or few months I hung
aroudn her 5 times but its somewhat of an
insult as well she treated me like crap
sometimes ignoring me for months thenn
being like hey whats up I missed u and the
reason she woudl get mad is cause I woudl
say shes a liar when she woudl give me
lame reasons why she cant hang out she
treated me like craplast year I got so
desperate I wrote a grls friend an email
that ig rew up with cause her firned use
dot like me and then I moved away and she
forgot about me so in response to my
email they kind of made a joke out of me
pretneidng liek she odenst know who I am I
lived down the block from her for 19 years
she knows who I am anyway I was crying a
few days ago as well I asked this girl out
she made some excuse up about why she cnat
hang out ive been coutning so far ive
asked out 10 girls in a row and they've
all said no to me I meet girls online
cause I cant take it being rjecte din
perosn it hurts so much to be honest I had
sex when I was 22 it wasnt that great
especialyl considering she ignored me
after and just used me and when I went
under another screename and pretneded im
soembody else she goes he was a real loser
I feel bad for him, thats nice the first
girl I ahd sex iwth used me and thinkis im
a joke I know how a lot of u feel im a
goodlooking guy I mean I attract girls but
as soon as they talk to me its all over I
know what the problem is im just a loser
in my opinion I mean im goodloking with a
nice body but these girlsa accoridng to
them if ur not a good talker ur ac
ompletele loser thats why they wont give
me a chance or some of u guys it hink
they just feel well he is not very good
at talking and will problabmy embarass me
infront of people I know so ic ant hang
out with him evnethough I find him
attractive yea I was reaidn gthat emal
from one of the guys abotu the fat guys
even having g/fs yea its true I mean I
work out and I cant even get a g/f and
these guys that dont care how they look at
all sitll manage to get girls easier than
me whats upw ti this cant somebody just go
out with me cause I try really hard to
treat them nice its always some excuse
nobody loves me sometimes if elel ike
nobody eve rwill I was thining about
suciide for 3 days after that last girl
turned me down its so painful its just
like where u walk aorund u see guys iwth
girls and ur always the guy alone with no
girl holding u or laughing with u I have
no friends and no matter how hard I try
or dont try to get a girl to go out with
me it never works can u imagine asking out
ag irl u grew up with that uve wanted to
ask out for 8 years basically ignore ur
email not care at all and last year a girl
that I liekd for 2 years didint call me
when I gave her my phone numebr now thats
some painful stuff dwelling over these
ladies for years in ur head eveyr single
week then ur like ok I was thining about
this girl every day for over 2 years and
now she rejected me its like u take that
long to ask somebody out how hard it was
for me then I get turned down how can u be
happy when u want someobdy to be with u so
bad then uf ianlyl force urself 2 years
down the line or in my other case 8 years
down the line and they dont want u life is
hard its unfair but u guys shoudl just do
what I do just keep trying ot talk to
girls I know how it feels I try to talk to
women half the time they give me that tone
of voice that sounds like why u talking to
me loser but hey if u try hard enough
hopefully somebody will love u back im 23
years old I still remmeber being 9 years
old laying on my bed dreaming of the day
that ill get a g/f now im a grown man and
it sitll hasnt hapepend I never would of
imagined being in a situation like this
its so hard being alone its the worst pain
ever and id ont liek when peoel say oh its
no big deal having a relationship ur not
msisng anythign if they felt that way and
it was true they woudlnt kepe gettingi nto
relationships what matters if somebody
dumps u after a yhear at least it proves
ur lovable on some degree if any girls
would ike to chat I have pics on my prifle
and my email address is mnmice115@
aol.Com im a nice guy just give me a
chance
|
CPL_JJ
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 03 Jul 2005 Posts: 124 Location: Top of the world, bitches
Re: Im 23 And Never Had a G/f Posted: 07-07-05 14:37pm
mnmice115
wrote:
the most I ever had was this
girl I met online she would hang out with
me once every few weeks or few months I
hung aroudn her 5 times but its somewhat
of an insult as well she treated me like
crap sometimes ignoring me for months
thenn being like hey whats up I missed u
and the reason she woudl get mad is cause
I woudl say shes a liar when she woudl
give me lame reasons why she cant hang out
she treated me like craplast year I got
so desperate I wrote a grls friend an
email that ig rew up with cause her firned
use dot like me and then I moved away and
she forgot about me so in response to my
email they kind of made a joke out of me
pretneidng liek she odenst know who I am I
lived down the block from her for 19 years
she knows who I am anyway I was crying a
few days ago as well I asked this girl out
she made some excuse up about why she cnat
hang out ive been coutning so far ive
asked out 10 girls in a row and they've
all said no to me I meet girls online
cause I cant take it being rjecte din
perosn it hurts so much to be honest I had
sex when I was 22 it wasnt that great
especialyl considering she ignored me
after and just used me and when I went
under another screename and pretneded im
soembody else she goes he was a real loser
I feel bad for him, thats nice the first
girl I ahd sex iwth used me and thinkis im
a joke I know how a lot of u feel im a
goodlooking guy I mean I attract girls but
as soon as they talk to me its all over I
know what the problem is im just a loser
in my opinion I mean im goodloking with a
nice body but these girlsa accoridng to
them if ur not a good talker ur ac
ompletele loser thats why they wont give
me a chance or some of u guys it hink
they just feel well he is not very good
at talking and will problabmy embarass me
infront of people I know so ic ant hang
out with him evnethough I find him
attractive yea I was reaidn gthat emal
from one of the guys abotu the fat guys
even having g/fs yea its true I mean I
work out and I cant even get a g/f and
these guys that dont care how they look at
all sitll manage to get girls easier than
me whats upw ti this cant somebody just go
out with me cause I try really hard to
treat them nice its always some excuse
nobody loves me sometimes if elel ike
nobody eve rwill I was thining about
suciide for 3 days after that last girl
turned me down its so painful its just
like where u walk aorund u see guys iwth
girls and ur always the guy alone with no
girl holding u or laughing with u I have
no friends and no matter how hard I try
or dont try to get a girl to go out with
me it never works can u imagine asking out
ag irl u grew up with that uve wanted to
ask out for 8 years basically ignore ur
email not care at all and last year a girl
that I liekd for 2 years didint call me
when I gave her my phone numebr now thats
some painful stuff dwelling over these
ladies for years in ur head eveyr single
week then ur like ok I was thining about
this girl every day for over 2 years and
now she rejected me its like u take that
long to ask somebody out how hard it was
for me then I get turned down how can u be
happy when u want someobdy to be with u so
bad then uf ianlyl force urself 2 years
down the line or in my other case 8 years
down the line and they dont want u life is
hard its unfair but u guys shoudl just do
what I do just keep trying ot talk to
girls I know how it feels I try to talk to
women half the time they give me that tone
of voice that sounds like why u talking to
me loser but hey if u try hard enough
hopefully somebody will love u back im 23
years old I still remmeber being 9 years
old laying on my bed dreaming of the day
that ill get a g/f now im a grown man and
it sitll hasnt hapepend I never would of
imagined being in a situation like this
its so hard being alone its the worst pain
ever and id ont liek when peoel say oh its
no big deal having a relationship ur not
msisng anythign if they felt that way and
it was true they woudlnt kepe gettingi nto
relationships what matters if somebody
dumps u after a yhear at least it proves
ur lovable on some degree if any girls
would ike to chat I have pics on my prifle
and my email address is mnmice115@
aol.Com im a nice guy just give me a
chance
sux 2 b u
|
Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Cpl-jj Posted: 07-07-05 15:00pm
Can you not learn to spell,here is a link
for you person.
i spelt it that way on purpose,
egotistical health forum.
I can spell fine, but I wish I could say
the same about you skar. Go get a real
husband instead of acting like you have
one so you can feel important and loved.
|
Meandering Away
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Jul 2005 Posts: 535
Re: Cpl-jj Posted: 07-07-05 15:08pm
cpl_jj
wrote:
cowboys
wrote:
can you not learn to
spell,here is a link for you person.
i spelt it that way on purpose,
egotistical health forum.
I can spell fine, but I wish I could say
the same about you skar. Go get a real
husband instead of acting like you have
one so you can feel important and
loved.
egotistical wow what a long word,tax your
brain did it freak.I bet it took you all
day to think of that,i am skars husband
fool.If I were you person I would go back
and correct your stupid moronic posts.
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