Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 13 Location: New Jersey
My Marriage ...very Confused Posted: 10-23-03 22:23pm
Well I have been married for 3 years. To
a man that I dated for 7 years prior to
this. I am hurt and I feel cheated. We
wanted a family right away. We got
pregnant 4 months into our marriage. Then
everything shut off. He won't have sex
with me at all. I didn'y have sex again
untill my daughter was like 14 weeks old.
Then it is like every 3 months. I am
confused as to why? He is only 33. He
says he don't know why he is just tired,
etc... I want affection...
I am sick of waiting and afraid I may do
something that I may regret...
Mel
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Suzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 530
Posted: 10-24-03 02:47am
Dear billie,
hi, you and your husband have been
together for a very long time, so i'm
assuming you are able to talk to each
other quite openly. The only thing that
will get you around this problem is to
talk about it. It is unfair of your
husband to just fob it off as if he is
just too tired, tiredness is not an excuse
to completely shut off your sexual
relationship with your partner. You have
wants and needs that must be fullfilled to
be happy aswell, so it is going to be very
important that you can tell your husband
how much all this unsettles you and makes
you feel unwanted and unattractive. A
womans most vulnerable time is when she is
pregnant or just had a baby, the fact that
we get so big when we are pregnant and
gain a little extra weight during
pregnancy makes us feel less attractive
and very self concious of our body, and
our worst nightmare is to think that our
husbands won't want us during this time.
Your husband needs to be well aware of
this. If your husband loves you he will
not want you to feel this hurt and
confused.
Good luck...
Suzy
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Billie
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Oct 2003 Posts: 13 Location: New Jersey
Losing the Battle Posted: 10-24-03 21:39pm
Hi suzy...
Thanks for the reply... We have been
togther dating for 7 years and married for
3. But I have told him how he makes me
feel, and told him everything. After I
say, this...This.. And this is bothering
me. Or I really wish this could be
different. He just says... Sorry you
feel that way... Sometimes I feel like he
cares about me, and loves me... But maybe
he is not in love with me anymore.....
I am so hurt... All I want to do is cry
all the time, and taking care of a 2 year
old all day I can't cry.....
Billie
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niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
Hi Billie Posted: 10-24-03 23:27pm
Dear billie. You have spent so many years
with your husband. You should know him
very well by now. You are also the one
that understands the situation well. I
will be honest and blunt with you.
There could be several reasons for the
problem:
1) your husband has a hormonal or
psychological problem where he does
not have the urge to make love.
2) he does not find you attractive enough
to make love to you.
3) he is secretly involved with another
woman but does not want to break
the relationship with you.
Whatever the reason is, this is a serious
problem. You cannot go through life
making love so infrequently. In general,
men want to make love at least once a week
especially when they are as young as your
husband.
For some like me, once in two days is the
frequency.
You need to find out exactly from him what
the problem is. Ask him to be
straightforward with you about it even
though it might hurt you.
If worse comes to worse, you might have to
move on to someone who cares enough about
you to want to make love to you more
often.
One thing is for certain. You are not the
one at fault here and you deserve better
treatment than this.....
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niceguy
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Aug 2003 Posts: 150 Location: New York
One More Thing Posted: 10-24-03 23:29pm
Billie, send me a private message if you
want to talk discreetly.
Maybe I can help in some way...
