Please Tell Me Your Opinions Posted: 12-24-04 19:24pm
I am 25 my boyfriend is 28 and we have
been together for 1 1/2 years. My
boyfriend says he wants to be with me
forever and that he wants to marry me. I
am ok with him saying that although I
sorta feel non commital and this is
why...I am a student thus I am poor. My
boyfriend has a decent income and yet we
still split everything 50/50 (rent, bills,
etc). I am ok with that. He buys
mountain bikes, and snowmobiles and all
kinds of things I can't afford and than
takes off all weekend doing things I can't
do because I can not afford the equipment.
When I tell him I want to do these
things with him he basically says I am too
poor to enjoy the same things that he
likes. This upsets me because I am a
student and will eventually make more
money than him and I have every intention
to include him in on whatever it is I do.
I will not exclude him because he can't
afford it. I tell him that if he wants
to be married like he is always talking
about one of us doesn't get to be rich and
one of us poor, we are in it together.
He doesn't understand. I would be ok if
he would try to help me out a little, he
could buy me a bike and I could pay him
back so I can have fun too. I would like
this to either be more of a
team/partnership situation or I need some
space so I don't expect such a serious
commitment from him. I am ok with
backing off on the seriousness but he is
not, yet he doesn't understand why I am
upset with the way things are. Anyway,
we have been together for 1 1/2 years and
this has been going on for about 6 months,
it is driving me crazy!! Am I being
ridiculous?????????
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msibuc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 12 Location: ny
You Don't Sound Crazy to Me Posted: 12-26-04 13:15pm
I personally wonder why he feels the need
to keep it all 50/50. While he's talking
long term commitment, does he have reason
to believe that you may not be around long
term? He doesn't have to buy you bike -
couldn't you all just rent one sometimes
so you can join along? Does he do things
you can afford on an approximately 50% of
the time basis, since he seems interested
in the 50/50?
Have you tried just sitting him down,
telling him you can see a future with him,
and levelled about how you feel about
these things? If he doesn't understand
then, seems like you have to get as sound
of a sense as you can re: why? Are you
not being clear enough? Is he not as
good of a person as you might hope? How
would you respond to such questions if you
were a year after being broken up?
My gut feel is that he is not being
reasonable with you, but cannot know, and
the above questions seem - to me, anyway -
like a reasonable start at figuring that
out.
Hope it helps. Please feel free to check
out my post "bad relationship?". I'd
value your thoughts on my situation.
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msibuc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 12 Location: ny
Posted: 12-28-04 14:12pm
Is this guy the samew guy that used
steroids? I suppose he's entitled to
spend his own money on what he wants,
though it rubs me the wrong way if he
needs everything 50/50 money wise if he
knows you're committed and not in
position to afford things that he could
help out with while you're in that
position. If i'm committed to someone, I
just help them out, so it's my bias. I
admit that I tend to become weary if they
don't at least extend gestures back (that
don't have to cost much if anything) or
indicate they do not appreciate that i'm
happy to help.
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rodman1948
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2005 Posts: 7 Location: California
Short And Sweet Posted: 01-11-05 11:30am
You need to start looking around.
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Granps
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004 Posts: 225 Location: Arlington, TX
Posted: 01-17-05 01:00am
Rodman1948
ditto! :(
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subie90
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 19 Location: Louisville,Ky.
Posted: 05-31-05 19:20pm
If he really loved you and was as serious
as he wants to say he is, well...Actions
speak louder than words. This is
continual and I don't see it changing.
Follow your own gut instincts and phase
out some. Then watch how he behaves and
reacts. Seems selfish and self centered.
Would you really be devastated to have to
just move on? Sounds like your priorities
are in order, get your education, make
your own money be secure in your own
right, then you find someone who will
reciprocate the way that you do! Not
waste your goodnatured partnership on
someone who takes it for granted while
hurting your feelings with no remorse for
change. I would'nt stay with him. Been
there done that! You are wasting
yourself, you are too good for that. If
you can't just cut it clean, then ween it
away gradually, you will see more for
yourself, look at the big picture.
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sarahk
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 108 Location: England
Posted: 06-03-05 10:47am
Geez, when I ever (if I ever!) settle
down, it will be with a guy that treats me
like a princess....Yes that includes
paying for stuff and buying me pressies
:wink:
