Well I have been dating this guy for about
4 months now and our relationship has
changed alot from when we first got
together... Things that I liked, but he
didn't, he now tries sometimes to give me
what I want... He tells me he loves me
(he told me first, as I wasnt sure of
feelings yet)..
But I have noticed that he has become very
selfish... I try to give him most of the
things he mentioned for christmas and even
things that dont cost money (those
sometimes mean more than things that cost
money).... For christmas he bought me
some diamond earring hoops and some
perfume and a few small things...
But he is very insecure... He is very
jealous... Every guy I talk to he makes
comments about and so I respect him to an
extent and dont talk to alot of single
guys and just to our married friends (if I
talk to guys)... But it seems like we
fight everyday when we aren't together...
Like if we chit chat on the phone, we are
fighting... But once we are in person,
everything is perfect, get along great and
everything...
But the problem is, he will accuse and
accuse and accuse and blame me for things
but once I want to talk things out, he
doesnt ever want to talk (which I think is
important in a relationship)... But once
I accuse him of something if he does
something wrong, he gets alllll mad and
upset thinking that I am looking for
something to gripe about... Once we get
togehter in person, its like nothing has
happened...
I really like him alot and I know he loves
me... Once we were fighting and I tried
to end it because I just couldn't take it
and he was so upset and asked for one more
chance and apologized and everything, and
all was well for a week or so... Then it
was back to normal...
We got a puppy together and he loves that
dog and we take good care of her together
(she sleeps at my home)... But I think
alot of his issues are with things that
have happened in his life recently...
I think that he is afraid to lose me
because now I am someone close to him and
I am his first real relationship... In
the last 2 years he has lost alot of
people close to him... He hasn't spoke to
his real dad, his mother and step dad
(practically his father, been there his
whole life) are getting a divorce, and
lost his 2 best friends in a car accident
that he was closest with and been best
friends with since childhood.....
So I think he might be overprotective
because he is insecure and afraid to lose
me (another person to with he has grown
close with)... Am I overreacting?????
The fighting is getting unreal when we
aren't together, which is sometimes for a
few days because of his work...
Any ideas on how to fix this? Thanks :)
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msibuc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Dec 2004 Posts: 12 Location: ny
Hi Posted: 12-27-04 12:47pm
Do you think that jealousy and insecurity
came from the recent past (not talking to
dad, losing a couple of buddies)? It
does seem he might be afraid of
abandonment, but I wonder whether it's
deeper rooted than that. If so, could it
change? Could therapy help him better
cope with things? If not, can you deal
with those things in him? Could therapy
help you better cope with things?
Couples counseling, maybe, if you've
already tried confronting him about it abd
that didn't work?
Hope that helps. Would you mind taking a
look at my post and letting me know what
you think? Thanks!
Good luck.
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damien123
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 24 Location: Aus
Hey Posted: 04-05-05 15:46pm
Its seem that a lot has happened in his
life recently. With regards to phones -
you can never truly say what you mean
across them so its always best to try and
speak face to face - cos that way you can
say actually what you mean. I believe him
feeling insecure is a compliment to you as
he wouldn't feel like that if he didn't
have "real" feelings for you. Hope it
works out :)
