My Boyfriend Said It Was Like I Raped Him? I Don't Get That? Posted: 12-30-04 12:55pm
This is kind of embarrassing, but I am too
embarrassed to tell anyone I know this,
i am his girlfriend...
So, my boyfriend and I made love the other
night, after, a few moments after I was
feeling phsycially uncomfortable so I went
to the bathroom to wash up,
i come back and he has his eyes closed, he
doesn't say anything to me
i presume he is fast asleep,( it happens)
I didn't think anything of it
and sat by him and channelsurfed.
An hour later he wakes up, and he is
fumming mad
he takes me home, he yells at me in the
car
he says I raped him, I am a pig, because
after we made love, I did not cuddle with
him. I said he was asleep, he was mad
that I did not try to wake him up.
We have been together for a year and half
and have been having a lot of troubles,
so I failed him by not cuddlying with him,
or waking him up
i mean what he is upset about , is
beautiful, most womyn would love to cuddle
after, I just thought he was fast asleep,
so I didn't bother
i got a drink, we were drinking, I didn't
ask him for one, I guess I should of
brought one, even though he was asleep,
ugh
this relationship has been tough prior to
this nite. I'm stressed.
But I most certainly did not rape him, he
said I can never give back what I took
away, his sex...
What does that mean, I don't understand!
Any input would be helpful.
Thanks
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lil_blaze2004
Moderator
Joined: 29 Oct 2004 Posts: 6492 Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 01-04-05 10:29am
I think your guy has some issues he needs
to deal with... Not exactly sure what
isssues but something none the less. Do
things like this happen a lot?? If yes
then I think it's time to look at it and
maybe leave..
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mjk
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Baltimore
Boyfriend Says Rape Posted: 01-07-05 02:08am
My reaction: the strangeness can only be
either he is playing mind games with you,
trying to invent a reason to leave because
of whatever, or that if he is not trying
to invent something and he's really upset,
it has nothing to do with you and he has
mental problems. I wondered if he has
difficulty with his own sexuality. It's
very unusual for a man to carry on like
that anyway, whether it's true or not that
you did not cuddle after (i believe you
there is no reason not to, just making a
point). Is he working through some kind
of trauma, etc., those were my thoughts.
But is this an equal partnership for you?
Do you feel emotionally on an even keel
with this guy? Is he abusive to you?
This incident is weird, and reflects
distorted perception on his part if
nothing else, but it also could show a
willingness on his part to 1. Fantasize
that you have hurt him and then 2. Take
anger out on you for that imagined hurt.
I hope that he doesn't have a habit of
doing this sort of thing, but look for
this kind of pattern if you are trying to
decide how healthy your relationship is.
Does he use you as an outlet/object of
anger? Had he raised the issue before?
If you still see him, ask him straight
out. Tell him you feel he has
misunderstood you and ask him if there is
anything else--like a bigger issue in his
life--that makes him angry. Get a
picture of his mental health, go slow, i'd
say. Find out about his history, for
sure. Good luck.
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~*klo*~
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 353 Location: eng
Posted: 01-22-05 13:58pm
Guys have a way of doing this, dont let
him shout at you. Walk away, I no its
hard but its for the best he wil come back
kissing your feet, ive just come out of a
year relationship and no matter what any1
says you can tell when things are going
bottom up.
Good luck babe.Xx
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pebblesinthesun
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jan 2005 Posts: 15 Location: Florida
Raping Your Boyfriend? Posted: 01-23-05 21:59pm
Ask yourself this question.
Did my boyfriend at anytime during the
time we had sex tell me "no" "
stop I don't want to have sex" or did he
tell you to stop at anytime during the
sexual contact and you didn't.
If he told you any of these things and you
continued on then thats rape. If he did
not then thats not rape if he committed to
do doing the sexual act with you.
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vivo2341
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Boston
Posted: 01-24-05 12:49pm
Are you positive he is not gay or maybe
bi? I have never heard of a man being
upset about a chick not wanting to cuddle
with him so that question has to come up
in your mind.
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shanti1
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Dec 2004 Posts: 87
Just Wanted to Thank Everyone For Responding, Posted: 01-25-05 21:36pm
Bless you all, you helped me regain some
sanity
as I was so preplexed by that bizarre
incident
no, he never said no, it was concentual,
as every time before that.
This guy is not 'normal' to me cause soon
after that incident, he was at my house,
and I had a piece of paper in my hand, as
I was writing a reminder list, he wanted
to see it, I said no,
and the next thing, he grabbed my hand,
and forcefully somehow dug his fingernail
in my finger, and I was cut pretty bad,
that it bleed and it is still hasn't
healed...
( I haven't seen him since)
and I don't deserve this, my life is
stressful enough as it is.
Just wanted to thank you for the support,
I think I was so blown away by it, bless
you all, I like 'normal' people! :)
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PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 01-29-05 21:00pm
Be careful with this one,dear.He sounds
very unstable and explosive.You would be
better off without him.He sounds like he
has more problems than you can handle.Be
happy and safe!
Patty
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Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Re: Boyfriend Says Rape Posted: 01-29-05 23:40pm
mjk
wrote:
my reaction: the strangeness
can only be either he is playing mind
games with you, trying to invent a reason
to leave because of whatever, or that if
he is not trying to invent something and
he's really upset, it has nothing to do
with you and he has mental
problems.
^^^ agree with this part of what mjk
wrote.
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Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Re: Boyfriend Says Rape Posted: 01-29-05 23:40pm
mjk
wrote:
my reaction: the strangeness
can only be either he is playing mind
games with you, trying to invent a reason
to leave because of whatever, or that if
he is not trying to invent something and
he's really upset, it has nothing to do
with you and he has mental
problems.
^^^ agree with this part of what mjk
wrote.
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 02-09-05 18:38pm
Yeah your boyfriend has real issues. You
didn't rape him. You two had sex and
then he fell asleep. Big whoopie doo.
He is definately playing some kind of game
and I think you should get far away from
that!
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JasenG
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 99 Location: Virginia
Posted: 05-20-05 14:46pm
My advice: run!!! Get as far away from
him as you can. He has isues that he
needs to deal with. Honest! Run.
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Pilleus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2004 Posts: 109 Location: Florida
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-15-05 06:54am
Sounds like he's a very troubled young
man. You can do better than having to
deal with that.
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