Husband Lies. What Is Your Opinion On ? Posted: 01-04-05 00:56am
I have caught my husband with pornography
four or five times. He knows I do not
approve of this. He always says he found
it at work or one of the worrker's
threw it in his truck. Two of the times
they weere torn out pages. Easy to
hide.He is in construction. Do you
other's mind if your husband has
pornography.................
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mjk
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Baltimore
Husband Lies Posted: 01-07-05 12:26pm
Hi,
i just want to say that the way I look at
it--and I have had experience with a man
liking porn--is that the man who I knew
who liked porn, which really turned me
off, proved himself to be incapable of
respecting me as a woman in any way that
did not reflect on his self-image. I
mean he loved to see me looking nice but
it became obvious that has more to do with
his vanity and shallow character. He did
not show respect when it came right down
to it, like considering my feelings in
other areas, not just that I didn't like
porn, but he would do whatever he liked in
general whether it bothered me or not.
He has demonstrated he is incapable of
deep love and intimacy. That is the
issue I would urge you to consider. It is
a sign you may be operating on two
distinct emotional levels and that could
be unhealthy especially for you. I think
you should try to open a
dialogue/conversation with him about the
respect issue --in a calm manner. I
think that a relationship especially
marriage is real when the
conversation/dialogue is still there.
When there is no more dialogue the
relationship isn't really there I think.
If your gut tells you there is something
wrong there probably is. A lot of men
are into porn unfortunately.
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Garnet
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jan 2005 Posts: 7
Posted: 01-11-05 04:29am
Get away from this guy. He has too many
deep rooted issues and you can not save
him and he will not change.
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Roxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Il
Posted: 01-13-05 02:19am
Hello mjk:)
I also have a problem with my partner
looking at porn.Alot! I have been with my
partner for about 3 years and caught him
looking and "playing" with his fantasy
girls on the internet since we;ve been
together.I have cried,he said sorry he'll
stop.I've gotten angry,he said he'll
stop.I've ignored him,he said he'd stop.He
swore to me that he wasn't doing anything
anymore,in the meantime i've caught
him,mainly to see if he'd tell the
truth.He can't keep his eyes to himself
when we go out.He "has to" turn his head
in the direction of any woman walking
past.He said he enjoys looking.I told him
it is disrespectful in front of me.I have
kept my weight down and dyed my hair to
impress him.What good does it do? We have
a 2 year old daughter together and this is
frustrating me and I can't keep the anger
in and I tell him it bothers me and I
don't want to show her i'm upset.I told
him I really think he wants me to leave
him but cannot say it.He says he loves me
but it's just the way "guys are".I think
not all! When I have gone out to
school,work,the store,i would always get a
compliment or asked if i'm taken.I can't
tell you how many offers I get a week.And
here I am feeling like the ugliest woman
in the world...Just from one man!What a
waste of my life! It's a shame how a
partner can make you feel! I have told my
partner over and over again that I deserve
to be treated with more respect! It's as
if he has no brain at all! I am so
confused at the fact that he can say one
thing and do the other!!! So,all I can
say to you is...Keep your head up.Smile.If
you'd like to check out my website,it
is:roxmodeling.Com have a nice day:)
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vivo2341
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Boston
Posted: 01-24-05 13:03pm
I will let you know I am a 27yo male and I
have been married almost 3 years and with
my wife almost 7 years total.
Before I met me wife I had a 'collection'
of porn and went to the strip clubs
atleast once a month, when I met me wife I
could tell (and oh she let me know :))
that she did not approve of it and I think
it makes her feel undesirable so I tossed
the porn and quit going to the clubs out
of respect for her because I love her
dearly and would never want her to feel
that way.
You must also remember that men are
different than women and some guys really
just need it, if it was a big deal for me
to give it up I may have started a fight
over it wtih my wife but then again then
we may not be togeather now, but I can
tell you that some men need it just
because they have a higher sex drive and
some do it because they get bored with the
partner they have and if anything it can
spice up things and give him some ideas if
anything if you are a female who is ok
with it, of all the girls I have been with
80% seem to be ok/like it but 20% don't so
it really is all dependant on the female.
He should still quit doing it if you dont
like it but I will be the first to fess it
is something that some guys just can't
stop.
As far as looking at other people well in
that case he is just an ahole and lacks
respect for you, even if he is doing it he
seems to be doing it so that you have no
problem noticing and I really feel for
you, I know how that would make me feel
and it is not good at all.
Usually with these type of 'lookers' most
of them will want to keep browing the eye
candy but will get very angry if you did
the same so have you tried going that
route yet? I know it would not make you
feel good probably but if it gets him
angry enough and make him realize how you
feel then maybe it will change his mind.
Too bad you have a kid with him as then we
could all just suggest leaving his ass but
its really had with having a child with
someone as it cuts down your options.
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nottingham
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 7 Location: Southwest Missouri
Husband Lies. Posted: 01-26-05 13:39pm
Hi! Sue for faith. I just want to tell
you that I have alot in common with you.
My husband also works in construction and
it seems that when you get a group of men
together, working or not, they all revert
back to their childhhood pranks. Not to
mention the foul language and wolf
whistles! So I can see some truth to them
putting something like that in his
vehicle. The "boys" my husband works
with, filled the back of his truck with
thier lunch trash. On the subject of the
porno, I agree with the other post in that
some men actually have very high sex
drives and as long as he is not neglecting
you in the bedroom and keeping you
satisfied, I wouldn't worry about it.
It's time to worry when he would rather
look at porno than you.
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Roxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Il
Posted: 01-26-05 22:51pm
Hello everyone!
The only real reason I have a problem
with my husband looking at porn is that
when I get home from wherever,he'll be
"too tired" to make love or simply not
feeling good.When I find out what he did
while I was away,it makes me so damn
furious knowing he was enjoying
himself.And to look me in the eyes and
swear to me that he was doing nothing
wrong, makes me even more furious.I told
him that it is very hard for me to trust
him and that if he's lying about that
stuff,what else is he/will he lie about?
I told him that after all the sh-- i've
put up with and the lies,and that I remain
married to him that the only way I can
"get over it" is by me letting him have a
taste of his own medicine.I will start to
lie to him,keep things from him,and deny
things right in front of his face.He
said."however you need to get over
it."isn't that so sad? I do not think
couples should go on like this.I had asked
him if he's acting this way because he
wants me to leave or him to leave but
doesn't know how or when to say it.He said
if he wanted to leave,he'd leave.Any
advice??? Thank you:) roxanne
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Roxy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2004 Posts: 25 Location: Il
Posted: 01-26-05 23:19pm
Hey bigman16,
I understand why men would deny
it.But I have wanted to watch it
w/him.Wouldn't men enjoy it better if
their mate got into it w/him? I think if
I really liked porn and my spouse enjoyed
it w/me,that would be cool and we'd get
along better and a better
understanding.But it only makes it bad in
the relationship when you have to lie! I
do not hate porn.It's the fact that he has
to keep it a secret from me.My ex-husband
and I use to watch it together. That's
probably why we lasted 13 yrs?????I really
don't understand. My current husband
likes keeping "his excitement" to
himself.Also....With women,it's not really
the size...It's the respect.Then the
size:) have a good day.Smile:) if you'd
like to check out my
website,it's:roxmodeling.Com
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wanttounderstand
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 1
Same Situation Posted: 01-28-05 09:04am
I am in the same situation, I have
actually always been the more wild one
than my husband, wanting to try new
things, bigger drive as well.... A while
back my mom was helping me put something
on my computer and a bunch of porn
downloads came up- he said his friend did
that, which did not seem untruthful to me
because I know his friend, then about a
month later I found totally different
ones, so I asked him, because they were
all of one specific act and that to me is
a signal that I need to do that thing more
and take care of him, and I told him that
and he totally denied they were his and
screamed and yelled at me saying I was
crazy, well it had been about 5 months
since that happened- I dropped the whole
subject but always had a feeling, well a
few weeks back I took him into a specialty
store and had him pick out some movies and
toys and other stuff- I have nothing
against that, and for some reason after
that he fessed up to the whole thing- he
said he felt embarrassed and guilty and
that he does not think of me as someone he
can do that sort of stuff to or
with....What is that- we are married and
to me that is a big signal that something
bad is to come - I dont know what to do
and just last night I saw a different
program he is using on the computer with
the same types of downloads, I have said
nothing yet- advice please!
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married26
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1
Mine Too Posted: 04-05-05 02:00am
Hi all
i realised that my hubby is not the only
one who lies about reading porn.
I m ok with porn; I let him know from the
very beginning that I watch and read porn
myself. But; time after time; I found
porn sites on the internet that he
visited. Once; I found this porn webpage
still on the computer when I use it, I
asked him to close his porn pages when his
6 years old daughter is over during the
weekend. He denied everything, claiming
that he is not interested in porn; he
prefers the real thing blah blah blah and
said that must b due to those irritable
pop ups and definitely he isnt into porn.
Ok; I trusted him since he said so and
dropped the topic right away.
But, so many times I found the same thing
and I started checking on the history of
the internet explorer, he looks at porn
almost everyday.
I m cool with the idea that he reads porn;
but; definitely not that he lies to me.
Why would he lie to me over such a small
issue? It makes me feel ....Like I cant
trust him in other things. If he lies
over such thing; I keep asking myself;
what else does he lie about?
He is such a great husband otherwise; I
love him very much; however, I m also the
type of person who really really hates
lier. Honesty is the most important
virtue to me and he knows it. I havent
talk to him about all these, I m afraid
its killing our marriage slowly.
Sometimes I look at him; I feel; gosh I
love him so much; but; how much of the
real him do I really know? How much of
him is a lie and how much is the truth?
It really takes a lot from me, I get moody
and I dont know how to tell him, I fear
that by discussing and confronting him
with it; he would feel that I invade his
privacy. What should I do? Anyone has
any idea at all?
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lili002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 05-15-05 09:14am
Hi
the problem is when your partner replaces
sex with porn, that is unhealthy. Mine
does that, while I am at work he watches
porn but then he is too tired to do
anything. He also told me it is quicker,
cleaner and you don't have to think of
your partner's feelings (which he never
does anyway). I have nothing against porn
when it is in moderation and does not
affect your sex life but if your husband
prefers porn to sex with you, there is a
problem there and I know how frustrating
it is!
Good luck!
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tonii9999
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 81 Location: philly
Posted: 01-06-06 11:46am
My man is the way when I go away he is to
tired to have sex when I get home and
when I go in are bed room I see spots on
the bed
when I ask what is this he lies to me says
they are nothing I say ti him u are lieing
I smell him and his penis to see if he
smells like sex he doesnt tahst when I now
he playing with him self looking at porn
aftyer all the times I caught him now he
doesnt do it any more I tyold him if I see
this sh** again its over iam taking are
kids and leaving he stops real fast now he
doesnt do it any more
roxy
wrote:
hello everyone!
The only real reason I have a problem
with my husband looking at porn is that
when I get home from wherever,he'll be
"too tired" to make love or simply not
feeling good.When I find out what he did
while I was away,it makes me so damn
furious knowing he was enjoying
himself.And to look me in the eyes and
swear to me that he was doing nothing
wrong, makes me even more furious.I told
him that it is very hard for me to trust
him and that if he's lying about that
stuff,what else is he/will he lie about?
I told him that after all the sh-- i've
put up with and the lies,and that I remain
married to him that the only way I can
"get over it" is by me letting him have a
taste of his own medicine.I will start to
lie to him,keep things from him,and deny
things right in front of his face.He
said."however you need to get over
it."isn't that so sad? I do not think
couples should go on like this.I had asked
him if he's acting this way because he
wants me to leave or him to leave but
doesn't know how or when to say it.He said
if he wanted to leave,he'd leave.Any
advice??? Thank you:)
roxanne
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blue21jen0879
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Feb 2006 Posts: 7 Location: Jacksonville, FL
to All Others And to Wanttounderstand Posted: 02-08-06 05:30am
Hey. I have been married for 4 years and
my husband's porn is a big issue. I
found porn on the computer not long after
we were married and I had a bad feeling.I
would confront him.At first he said he was
just looking because he wanted to spice
things up which hurt because i've always
wanted to please him but I tried even
harder and wasn't making any headway and
i'm not unattractive at all but was made
to feel like it.2 years into our marriage
I didn't feel right so I started digging
into the computer and got into my
husband's email account and found other
email accounts I didn't know about just
from stuff coming to his regular email.
He was offering to meet up w/ women,
looking at web cams and even said I wasn't
doing it for him to these trashy site
women.I confronted him and he said that
nothing was going on and wouldn't do it
again.The next day while he was at work, I
found a brand new email account that he
just made and he was at it again.I
confronted him again and same thing.I feel
like somewhere in our relationship he has
cheated on me from this but he says he
hasn't. A year later after I left him
along with my 3 year old and 2 month old
for 5 months, I went back to him and i've
noticed changes in him but he's lied so
much that I don't know what to do or
believe anymore.He had also posted his own
naked pictures on different sites like
adultfriendfinder.Com a year ago and that
nearly killed me. He is in the navy so I
have no family around and am too
embarrassed to talk to anyone. He says
that he desperately love me but I feel a
deep sense of betrayal from the man I
whole heartedly committed to. I have
two kids and I am wanting to make my
marriage work. I don't know what i'm
going to do yet but I am going to go to
counseling for myself (even though he
won't) while he is on deployment right
now(which is scarey,who knows what's going
on when he's stopping at ports) he is a
good father to my boys but I don't want
him to pass this crap on to them. Anyway
ladies, definetly trust your instincts and
if you like, I can definetly give you
pointers on how to find out what you're
husband is really doing on the internet if
it's not just porn. Porn can lead to
other things and something is definetly
not right when they lie about it. Sad
that i've gotten really good at knowing my
computer because of my husband. Any
advice or just some understanding would be
great
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tonii9999
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Nov 2005 Posts: 81 Location: philly
Lies Posted: 02-08-06 12:23pm
I ask my man about the porn in his comp he
tells me its stuck in his comp
he also goes to his moms house some times
and looks at porn .
We like never have sex this is the first
guy I had sex with now we have kids
together
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xvee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Maryland
Ughh Posted: 02-08-06 20:58pm
Blue21jen, what you wrote made me so angry
at your husband. I dont know how you
went through with it, I would have
definately broke up with my boyfriend.
Trust me, no matter what they dont change.
They will do it behind your back and when
you confront them they're gonna lie about
it. Then when you show the evidence thats
when they have the stupid look on their
face and say '' oh but I love you ..Etc''
arg. =t
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xvee
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Dec 2005 Posts: 25 Location: Maryland
Ughh Posted: 02-08-06 21:04pm
Blue21jen, what you wrote made me so angry
at your husband. I dont know how you
went through with it, I would have
definately broke up with my boyfriend.
Trust me, no matter what they dont change.
They will do it behind your back and when
you confront them they're gonna lie about
it. Then when you show the evidence thats
when they have the stupid look on their
face and say '' oh but I love you ..Etc''
arg. =t
