:( hi, I just found out that I am pregnant
last night. I know my situation probably
isn't the normal thing you hear but you've
probably heard it all.
I have been married for almost 9 years and
I have two kids ages 7 and 4. In between
them I had two misscarrages, and before I
was married I had an abortion at 11 weeks
pregnant. Right now I am about 4 weeks
(2 weeks from conception). I am really
not sure if I want another baby right now
and I don't really want any part of being
pregnant. But on the other hand I see my
kids now and think well, how can I not
have it. But all I have been doing is
crying since I found out and don't really
see anything positive about any of this.
I haven't closed my mind for more
children, but I feel I am just getting to
a point where I have a few minutes to my
self. So I know if I don't have the baby
it is for selfish reasons. What if I
have this baby and I don't really want it
an I treat it differently then I do my
other kids. I'm really afraid of that
happening. My husband says he will
support me in anything I decide. I think
deep down he wants me to have it though.
So i'm also scared of the resentment he
will hold toward me if I end the
pregnancy. But he doesn't have to be
pregnant, give birth, have no sleep for
two years and so fourth.
I am very confused right now and I know a
decision made earlier would be better then
later.
My husband just joined the military this
year and we are barley getting by right
now. We have no more baby things to hand
down and I would have no family support
for this baby. I don't even really know
where I would get the money for this
procedure if that is what I will decide.
I'm just so scared right now, I can't stop
crying and I can't sleep. Everything
just seems so surreal.
I can't believe I have to actually make
this decision.
Please help,
|
steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 01-04-05 21:38pm
To me, it almost sounds like you would
like the kid except that you feel
overwhelmed and scared about how it will
go?
It also sounds like the stress really is
getting to you and that you don't quite
know what to do about it.
Most of all, I would now advice you to
seek out a counselor. Go with some
licenced mental health professional with a
diploma who can help you sort out your
stressors and help you reach your own
decision about what you can handle. If
that person helps you figure out that you
really can handle another kid and that you
would like this, then you clearly should
go ahead. If the outcome is that you
realize that pregnancy and/or motherhood
would take to much out of you, then an
abortion is in order.
But the decision should be yours, because
only you are the expert in your own life,
only you know what will work for you in
the end.
Best of luck and don't be afraid to ask
for help when you get to stressed. If
you are crying, then you are much to
miserable to go through this on your
own.
And if you feel that you can't afford any
type of counseling, then know that there
are often many services in mental health
available both at sliding scale and
occationally for free. A good place to
start is the "help-line," a nationwide
network of referral sources. Generally
you can access it in your area by dialing
"211"
|
steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 01-05-05 00:12am
"scared," if ever there is a time to be
selfish, now is it. Whatever happens, it
will be something you have to live with
for the next many years. If the solution
doesn't work for you, it will be a lot of
years of not working for you.
|
bd1012
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 1998
Posted: 01-05-05 00:35am
Exactly.. Don't worry about what others
want.. It's all about you now.. Whether
people like it or not.. Just make sure
whatever you choose.. You can live with
it whatever that option may be.
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-09-05 16:29pm
There is no such thing as a selfish reason
to obtain an abortion. Selfishness and
selflessness are both subjective to the
individual person. You are not selfish
for seeking out information on abortion
just as you are not selfish should you
obtain an abortion. As steen said, you are
the only expert of your life
and whatever decision you reach needs to
be the decision that you can
live with. Women obtain abortions for a
variety of reasons and none of them are
selfish because obviously the woman felt
she had no other choice for her own body,
self, sanity, situation, etc. People
only use the word "selfish" to try to make
you feel bad about the choices you make in
your life when in reality they have no
business in your affairs what so ever.
This decision is yours and yours alone to
make. I would seek out a counselor and
do a lot of self searching to come to my
decision. You are not
selfish to want to maintain your sanity by
seeking an abortion.
My oldest sister had 3 children all in a
row, 10-11 months apart for each of them.
There was a time for awhile when she
could not handle the stress that put on
her. All of the children, two still in
diapers, ended up being shuffled between
relatives until my sister got a grip on
reality again. Her sanity was threatened
by having that many children all at once
and she knew it but she made her choice
and as family, we supported her by caring
for her children when she was temporarily
incapacitated. If you have the support
network that my sister was lucky enough to
have, then it may work out. However, if
you're the sole caregiver and one more
child at this time may put you over the
edge, then it's a lot to risk.
Above all else, we want you to be happy
and well adjusted with whatever choice you
make. It's up to you and we'll be here
to support whatever choice you make.
Peace, love, and hope,
jenn
|
Sweet_pea
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Dec 2004 Posts: 7 Location: Canada
Posted: 01-14-05 00:04am
Selfishness isn't always a bad thing.
Many times, especially as women, we're
taught to give and give and give and that
if you expect anything in return you
should feel bad.
As everyone has said, only you know what's
best for you. Burning yourself out with
stress and grief from the pressures you
have now, let alone with added pressures
doesn't help anyone. Not the children
you have now, not your husband, not you,
and most of all not the one on the way.
Sit down and talk with your husband and
weigh all of your options.
Good luck!
|
Scared110
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2005 Posts: 2
Posted: 01-21-05 15:56pm
Hi....Its been 2 weeks and I have come to
my decision. Which has come from my heart
not anything anyone has written or debated
about on this board.
I came here scared looking for advice and
support (no matter the decision I made)
i didn't relieze I would be put down for
considering something this topic on this
board was put here for.
I respect everyone's own opinion in this
highly debatable area, but this is not the
place (for a debate )
if another woman were in my place I would
give them open minded advice and let them
come to a decision that is best for
them.
So to conclude this message, just to let
everyone know that I have decided to keep
my baby. All of this was just a big
surprise and I was freaking out....I
needed time to let everything sink in.
And it has. Things will work out for me
and my family, they always do.
I'm sorry if I sounded selfish to some of
you but at the time that is what was going
through my mind and there is nothing wrong
with that. And if the decision would have
been different I hope on this board I
could have been supported as well with
that decision.
So if anyone else is ever in my place
...Feel free to pm me and I will give you
un bias support, information, and
advice.
To those of you who are pro choice and
supported me ...Thank you very much for
not judging me in my current situation. I
am not an irresponsible person. I am a
great stay at home mom who would do
anything for her kids.
Basically I was just in shock...I didn't
know what to do. And only time in my own
mind could help me come to my own
conclusions.
Thanks again
no longer scared :)
|
franciscangirl
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Steubenville, Ohio
Posted: 07-14-05 11:55am
We all wish you the best!!
|
jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 07-14-05 19:13pm
scared110
wrote:
i didn't relieze I would be
put down for considering something this
topic on this board was put here
for.
you weren't supposed to
be. I am sorry that it continues to
happen despite some of our efforts.
Quote:
i respect
everyone's own opinion in this highly
debatable area, but this is not the place
(for a debate )
if another woman were in my place I would
give them open minded advice and let them
come to a decision that is best for
them.
I agree. I hope
you'll stick around here to give other
women open minded advice.
Quote:
so to conclude
this message, just to let everyone know
that I have decided to keep my
baby.
.Congratulations!!!!
Quote:
all of this was
just a big surprise and I was freaking
out....I needed time to let everything
sink in. And it has. Things will work
out for me and my family, they always
do.
i'm glad for you and I
hope that everything does work out.
Quote:
i'm sorry if I
sounded selfish to some of you but at the
time that is what was going through my
mind and there is nothing wrong with that.
And if the decision would have been
different I hope on this board I could
have been supported as well with that
decision.
I support any decision
that a woman comes to on her own with
consideration to her own life and wants as
well. I'm very happy that you have made
the best choice for you. If you had
chosen differently, I still would have
supported you. I am sorry that others
cannot see beyond themselves. Also,
"selfish" is purely subjective which is
why arguments about what is and what is
not "selfish" turn into brawls. It
doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or
says as long as you are happy and
satisfied with the choice you have made.
Quote:
to those of you
who are pro choice and supported me
...Thank you very much for not judging me
in my current situation. I am not an
irresponsible person. I am a great stay
at home mom who would do anything for her
kids.
Basically I was just in shock...I didn't
know what to do. And only time in my own
mind could help me come to my own
conclusions.
Thanks again
no longer scared
:)
I am happy for you and
.Congratulations again! Keep us posted
on the pregnancy, get lots of rest (if you
can - which I know can be hard for
stay-at-home mom's), remember to take some
time out for yourself everyday, and eat as
nutriciously as possible. Best of
luck!
Peace and love,
jenn
|
seksiHily
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 1015 Location: MN
Posted: 07-14-05 20:36pm
She hasnt been back since january... I
doubt she will be coming back
