Me and my boyfriend have been talking
about getting married and my mom and dad
they have a real bad habbit that he don't
know about and I don't know if I should
tell him about or not ? I mean I know he
may find out soon by himself but iam afide
to tell him what if he hates for it or
what if he tells the wrong people about my
family or what if not telling him makes
him more mad what should I do can any one
help?
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qriosity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2003 Posts: 40 Location: U.S.
Posted: 10-27-03 02:45am
Not knowing the entire situation makes
that a difficult question to answer, but I
can tell you this. It all depends on
what your parents "habit" is. If it is
something personal between them, that
doesn't concern you, or your boyfriend,
and is really none of your business, then
you probably shouldn't tell him about
it.
If it's something that embarrasses you,
and he somehow finds out later, i'm sure
he will understand your reasons for not
telling him about it. And i'm sure he
will not hate you for not telling him.
If it's something concerning you, that
could effect your marriage, tell him.
Like say, if he has a real problem with
people that eat broccoli, and wouldn't
want to be involved with a family that
eats it, and your parents eat it, then
maybe you should tell him.
On the other hand, if you know that your
parents are sensitive about their broccoli
intake, and would be upset if you told
him, then you should keep their secret.
If you eat brocolli too... You should
tell him.
This is a terrible example, I know. But
I can only assume that in the back of my
mind, I can figure out what your parent's
"habit" is. So I figured this example
would serve it's purpose. I could be
wrong however, there are a million things
it could be.
At any rate, if you don't want to post it
publicly, but you need someone to talk to,
you can send me a pm anytime, and we can
talk. If you want.
Confidentiality between your parents and
you vs. Honesty with your fiance, is a
hard road to travel. I'm sorry that
your in this situation.
~qriosity~
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qriosity
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Oct 2003 Posts: 40 Location: U.S.
Posted: 10-27-03 09:17am
Hello again!
I was up last night thinking about your
situation, and here's what I came up
with...
if you think in your heart that it's
something you should tell your fiance,
then you should tell him.
If you two are ready to be married, then
that means that you love each other very
much, and that you trust each other.
You need to be able to trust him, that he
wont go around telling other people about
your family's personal life.
Especially if you let him know that the
information you share with him is
personal.
In my opinion, if he ends up hating you,
for something that your parents do, then
he is not worth your time. He needs to
be able to accept and love you for
who you are, not who your parents are, or
what they do.
And no matter what your parents do, it's
not for him to judge if it's right or
wrong.
Anyway, I hope this helps you. And I
hope that things work out.
Take care.
~qriosity~
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jessicaramsey
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Oct 2003 Posts: 23 Location: arkanasas
Thanks Posted: 10-28-03 00:51am
I just wanted to thank you for the advice
it helped me a lot but the bad habbit
they have is they smoke pot so dose a lot
of my family members I hate that they do a
lot and wish they didn't I think the fact
that I don't smoke and never have and
never will help me tell him I think he
needs to know cause it is kinda hard not
to know they smoke pot u can smell it but
he may never have smellt it before so who
knows
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nikki_caro
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Aug 2003 Posts: 4921 Location: Right here at work!
Posted: 11-03-03 15:59pm
Maybe he knows, he just doesnt want to say
anything. But if you feel like geting
married you need to be very open and have
no secrets. Communication and trust are
the biggest needs in a relation.