Joined: 12 Jan 2005 Posts: 3 Location: west yorkshire
Help Posted: 01-12-05 05:00am
Can someone help me? I,ve been with my
hubby 10 yrs although we split up 18
months ago and got back 6 months ago. I,m
not sure if things are that great between
us,we argue alot and most times kids hear
us and get upset,each time it happens I
say i,ve had enough and that we,d prob
make better parents if we were to
seperate,but hubby insusts we,ll be ok and
not argue anymore in front of kids,things
go ok for a couple of weeks then we.Re
back to square 1.My prob now is that i,m
19 weeks pregnant and unsure wether to hav
an abortion as I know how hard it is with
2 kids on my own so wot would it be like
with 3 to support emotionally and
financially, I hav debt but recently
started new job which I would hav to give
up to care for another child. Any advice
would be appreciated. :)
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steen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Nov 2004 Posts: 1797 Location: Upper Midwest
Posted: 01-12-05 11:27am
The main thing at this time would be to
get into couples counseling. Because he
obviously is somewhat unstable in his
mood, very likely have some aspect of
either a mood-swing disorder or some very
early signs of the cycle that eventually
leads to him becoming a batterer, which is
bad for you and the kids, but also for him
ending up in the legal system.
So couples counseling will help sort out
why he ends up with those mood swings.
Individual counseling for him also sounds
like it is in order.
And no, his promises to not do it again
are obviously not worth anything, so you
must insist on the counseling.
At 19 weeks, it is abit harder to get an
abortion, and the risks from the procedure
are higher. So if you at all can get
things worked out, that would be better.
There is also the option of seeking some
help if you decide to split up. There
are various organizations that will
support women throughout the pregnancy and
sometimes also afterwards. Be a bit
careful with those, though, as some of
them only are helpful until you are beyond
the time when you can get an abortion ,
after which they and their support seems
to disappear. Those mainly are in the
business of preventing abortion, and as
such, after you can't get an abortion in
your area, they no longer see a need to
help you.
Finally, if you have decided on an
abortion, your time is kind of running
out. You are rapidly getting closer to
the time when you won't be able to get an
abortion. In fact, in some states, you
can't get an abortion after 12 weeks, so
you should find out where you stand. You
might even have to travel out of state.
Abortions are also more expensive at this
time, so you might want to look into
whether you can afford an abortion.
Occationally, the clinics have resources
available or people affiliated with naral
or now may have made collections to help
cover the cost.
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 01-13-05 21:35pm
Hey,
an unplanned pregnancy is always a
shock, even for those who aren't
necessarily very young, very old, or poor.
You have every right to feel confusion.
As steen has said, this is your choice
and your choice alone to make. If you do
decide on an abortion, then as steen has
mentioned you need to research the
requirements for your state as deadlines
are approaching. Aside from that, a
stable home enviornment for you and your
children is important at this time.
Counseling may work, you just have to try.
For my parents, it did not but that is
not to say that it will not work for you.
My parents were better parents and people
after they separated and divorced. If
you do keep the pregnancy, for your own
sanity a stable home environment is
necessary as bringing in an infant which
must be cared for might strain household
tensions. Then again it may not. You
know yourself, you know your family, and
you're the only one who can make this
decision. It's completely up to you.
Take some time for yourself and do some
self inspection and come up with the best
decision you can. You are the only one
who can make this decision because you are
the only one who has to live with it.
Either way, we support the choice you
make, .A.N.Y choice.
Peace and hope,
jenn
ps. If you need any support, feel free
to pm me.
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natalie 26
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jan 2005 Posts: 3 Location: west yorkshire
Posted: 01-14-05 05:22am
Thanks to all who replied, i,ve decided to
see a consultant on wednesday who will
tell me what the procedures would be at
this stage. Hopefully that will help me
make the right choice for me and my
family.To steen my hubby would never harm
me physically I think if there was going
to be any violence I would have seen it by
now but thanks for your concern. I think
the problem is we have some issues from
when we split up that he can,t seem to
forget to move forward and although he
realises he,s needs to forget the past
he,s finding it difficult. Thanks to all.
:)
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bd1012
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2004 Posts: 1998
Posted: 01-14-05 17:25pm
Anyone looking for support here pertaining
abortion, don't mind jlee.. She's just an
antichoice hatemongering troll.. Don't
let her get to you. Sad thing is she
isn't the only one out there. Just do
what is good for you, whatever that may
be. Should you get an abortion, you
don't need to justify why to anyone..
It's none of their damn business.. They
won't have to live with the effects and
they know nothing about your life. Don't
even begin to think reasoning with them
because I used to have a tad bit respect
towards them until I found out some of
them that picket are in the clinic next
day for their own abortion and then right
back protesting again. Just take them
with a grain of salt.
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