What Does My Ex G/f Want? Posted: 01-15-05 07:13am
I split from a woman last december; it was
a nasty split and things were said. I
almost went to see a lawyer. But things
calmed down and so I left it alone.
Three months later she wanders in to my
favorite cafe ( she knows i'm in there
every morning at 8am ) and handed back a
print i'd bought her. It was of no value
and I didn't understand why she hadn't
binned it or if she felt I should have it
then she could have posted it.
My male buddies all said that this was her
closure but all female friends said she
was using it as an excuse to see me and
that she'd contact me somehow. I forgot
the whole episode. She found a new man,
fell pregnant, bought a new house with him
but he didn't move in. I hear that it's a
"on-off" thing"
then in june the texts started. First
text she sent said "i'm angry and want
some answers" so I sent an e-mail to cover
the loose ends and so we swapped approx 50
texts which were all general pleasantries
( no anger at all! ) she even texted her
new house phone number so I could phone
and expain a few things ( am I missing the
hint ) she also phoned me and we had a
half hour chat abou nothing in particular.
It wasn't till a month of texting passed
that she mentions her boyfriend. I
thought this odd as my thinking was why
are you texting an ex when she was in a
relationship! Anyway she's clearly not
happy and I told her so. Text rage ensued
and all communications have stopped. I've
seen her slipping pass "the cafe" a time
or two and I just wonder if she is keeping
a close eye on me. We last bumped in to
each other 10 days ago when I was in for a
caffeine fix with my current girlfriend.
The atmosphere was electric I can tell
you!
So my question is this. Was the print,
the texts, the unrequested phone call and
her texting her new phone number a means
of stirring interest or does she really
just need some closure. Being a man, I
just don't get it!
Ps
she sent 50 texts in 3 weeks ( and I
replied ) which is weird if you were in a
relationship. Subject matter varied.
Here are a few examples:-
i loved and hated it when we split.
I was never looking for a better catch
than you.
The real me never got out.
It was bad timing when we met
can we meet to talk ( don't know exactly
what she wanted to talk about )
oh. I forgot something. She phoned 3
months ago and her opening words to me
were interesting. I quote "please don't
think i'm being a psycho and I don't won't
you back but....." then we had a 30 minute
conversation. What do you make of that !!
I'm so confused !
|
PattyV
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 May 2004 Posts: 1103 Location: Chicago area
Posted: 01-15-05 13:30pm
It sounds as if she is not sure what she
wants.She wants you,she does not want
you.Calling,texting`.Dropping by places
she knows you'll be,making excuses to see
and contact you are all signs that she may
not be done with you yet.I do not know how
you feel about that,but,i would proceed
with caution.Good luck.
Patty
|
tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
End the Communication. Posted: 01-15-05 13:58pm
Dr. Louis:
she doesn't know what she wants. But you
need to know what you want, it doesn't
sound like she is it.
She needs professional help and you can't
be the one to help her. It doesn't
appear that she knows how to have a
healthy relationship or what she wants
from a relationship. She must have had a
messed up childhood, parents, or both.
The next time she contacts you, you need a
plan to say that's it. She broke it off
with you. She had a baby with someone
else. She has made her life without you,
and now she needs to move on (as well as
you). With her in your life, I don't
think it will help any new relationships
you try to nuture. With her problems,
there is no way you can even be friends.
I don't think she is one you can trust.
I don't know the situation, but you need
to move on with your life and put her
behind you for she doesn't have you best
interests at heart. You need a women who
will love you unconditionally and that you
return the same love.
Best wishes and grace,
tom z
|
dr louis
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jan 2005 Posts: 2 Location: stafford
Posted: 01-17-05 17:47pm
Tomz
you're so right! Her father beat her
mother and left when she was 2 years old.
She never met him till she was 23. Her
mother never took up with another man and
so my ex g/f didn't have a man in her
life.
Between the ages of 16 and 22 she ended up
in an abusive relationship which took her
a while to get over. She has a 4 year old
son and since he was born she's had
minimum 5 men in her life.
Despite it all, she is a good person but
too unstable and volatile. So, sadly, I
choose to steer clear even though it
upsets me to do so.
She's has a on off relationship with
someone at the moment. But the non verbal
indicators say that's doomed too. They
don't yet live together. In fact he moved
20 miles away. Not a good sign. However,
I don't wish her ill. Thanks for replying
|
tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Dr Louis, Do You Think You Can Help Her? Posted: 01-21-05 06:12am
I am glad you don't feel any ill will
toward your ex.
Anything you do to help you need to
consult with your current girlfriend.
Even if it is a one time meeting to tell
your ex about her co-dependent
personality. Your ex will need to find a
way to first like who she is before she
can move on in any relationship. She has
many emotional scars and needs emotional
healing from her past.
In trying to help her is like helping a
wounded animal. Even with your good
intentions, she may strike back.
It is sad that she has a child, for she
will probably pass this on to her child if
she doesn't overcome her problem like her
mom did.
She needs a personal relationship with
jesus christ which entails.
1. Finding she is loved unconditionally
by god. No conditions, nothing she can
do or needs to do to earn this love.
Just needs to spend time seeking him and
his will for her.
2. She is wonderfully made. God has a
great purpose and plan for her life.
3. She may not have had a father growing
up, but if she looks to god, he could her
heavenly father who will not let her
down.
I hope you are not thrown off by my
suggestion above, but she needs to know
she is loved before she can ever love some
guy and for some guy to be allowed to love
her back. One book I can think of is
"the two sides of love" by gary smalley
and john trent. It talkes about
co-dependency, recognizing personality
traits in people in order to learn to
love. It has been many years since I
read it but it was one of many books that
helped prepare me with the good
relationship I have with my wife.
Best wishes dr louis
tom
|
sftbllchika06
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Dec 2004 Posts: 413 Location: St. Louis
Posted: 01-21-05 19:41pm
I know exactly how you feel. I am
wondering the exact same thing too. If
find any answers please pm me. I can see
why a girl would do it because she
probably isn't over you but why would a
guy?
The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made.
Schizophreniahealth
This page was last updated on June 11, 2008
