Ok...My wife and I are separated heding
for a divorce. Yet we talk 3-4 times a
day like nothing is wrong and we exchange
I love you's. Strange right? We have
had several heavy conversations that were
alot of me trying to get her to change her
mind, my feelings, her feelings....These
conversations seem to push her farther
away. At the moment I am over that part
and I am really concerned because i'm
starting to put the pieces together.....I
went on line looking for effcts and causes
of bulimia. Here is comparison of the
symptoms and things she has said to
me.....
Shame and guilt - I feel like it's my
fault that we're in this
situation(separation).
Depression - sometimes I feel like I might
be depressed.
Low self essteem - I don't feel good about
myself right now. I never stopped loving
you and just stopped loving myself.
Impaired family and social relaionships -
communication issues(she won't tell hardly
anything about her feelings. She never
verbalizes her anger or unhappiness, etc
to me.
Perfectionism - neet freak.....Always
bothered her about the mess in my
office.
"all or nothing" thinking - if i'm not
passionately in love with you then I can't
be married.
Now precursors:
feeling out of control because of
difficulties at home - reason for
separation yet she created more than half
of the issues....Yes I feed them a little
not knowing it.
Suppressed anger - never has she shown or
verbalized anger towards me....She doesn't
expression much other that the normal
persona that everyone knows. Lately she
has been a person that I have never
seen.
Unmet needs - communication, household
stuff...She never let me. It was always
a fight, she'd put down how I was doing
it, never mind that;s not enough cloths to
wash i'll do it later. Etc etc. We never
sinked up and determined
responsibilities.
Feeling undeserving - I don't feel like I
can give you the love that you deserve.
I felt like I wasn't good enough for
you.
Major changes in life, divorce, family
problems, loss of relationship, a move.
Sound pretty right on the money to me she
is in a crisis and I don't no what to do.
She says she is going to continue seeing
the counselor......
I don't want to end our married.
I want to support her for better or for
worse.
I am worried about her.
Would psychiatrist be more appropriate?
Should I confront her with this alone or
with someone else?
What can I do to save our married and get
her help?
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hurt28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2004 Posts: 49 Location: lowell
Re: Wife In Crisis? Posted: 01-18-05 20:39pm
Well I dont think its bulimia I think it
is more depression maby because have you
ever seen her eat alot then go in the
bathroom and put the water or something
like that??? I think your wife is just
dealing with alot of pressure right now
with your marriage and maby work things
like that can happen. And I really hope
your wife doesnt have an eating problem!!!
It is such a horrible thing maby you can
recommened a therpist or you can just try
to talk to her and ask her what she is
feeling that may help to!! Well I hope I
helped good luck
~kelsey~
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gatorBlue
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jan 2005 Posts: 2 Location: orlando
Posted: 01-18-05 22:42pm
She has had bouts of bulimia before we got
married.
She never communicates her feelings to
me....
She says that she has never been like
that.....And that she isn't even that way
with her parents.
The problem with that is that I never know
when she is sad, angry, frustrated, needs
help, wants help.....Etc. Even now with
ever day ticking away she tries to acts
like nothing is wrong. Yet we still keep
going down this path.
Just the same straight and
in control face.
She doesn't bring issues up until way
after the fact.
I have tried for five years....I don't
know what to do....
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hurt28
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2004 Posts: 49 Location: lowell
Hey Posted: 01-29-05 09:50am
Hey.... I was just wondering how your
wife is doing??Maby your wife just need
some time...If she had had bulimia in the
past maby she is just thinking about maby
I should do that again and u need to tell
her that she is to beautifull to do
that..And no matter what happens to her
you will stay by her side...Bulimia ppl
feel soooo alone and they feel like they
cant trust no one thats prob why your wife
keeps everything in side of her and never
expresses how she really feels..Well keep
iin touch
