So My Girfriend Is Parinoid Posted: 01-18-05 01:45am
I've been dating my girlfriend for over
two years now. Awhile back we talked
about sex knowing that it would become an
issue the longer we dated. She told me
that she wanted to when she got on the
pill and only when I used a condom. That
day finally arrived and we had sex. It
was awkward, it was the first time for
both of us, but it was wonderfull that we
became that close physically. Then we
did it two more times and the third time
ended with her crying. I, of course, felt
terrible and tried to make her feel
better. She told me that she was afraid
of becoming pregnant even though I use a
condom and she uses the pill (now the
patch). I can't understand this....But
of course being the good boyfriend i've
tried to understand this and we haven't
had sex since. Now all I can think about
is having sex with her. Whenever we fool
around all I can think about is how it's
not going to lead to sex. I feel angry
and guilty for feeling this way. It
further hurts me however when she said
that she fantasizes about having sex with
me in the shower and then invites me over
to take a shower with her and uses the
disclaimer to "bring a covering for your
penis". To me that means she is ready to
have sex, but to her it ment that she was
afraid of sperm landing on her vagina.
She cried over that as well because she
felt bad for leading me on. I told her it
was alright but I am still pretty sore
about it. Advice anyone on how to ease
her out of this fear?
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laura_girl
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2004 Posts: 173 Location: Montreal, Quebec
Posted: 01-18-05 02:16am
Wow, I feel for you... But kudos on being
a good guy and respecting her wishes
despite how hard it is.
One thing that might help her understand
how safe from pregnancy you really are on
the patch/condoms is if she tried keeping
track of her temprature. When women
ovulate they have a temprature spike,
women who are on the patch/pill don't
ovulate, maybe if she kept track for a
month or so she'd see that she's not
ovulating and therefore cannot become
pregnant.
Also, she may simply not be that educated
as far as how well protected she is.
Take her to planned parenthood or a
similar agency and get some info for her
to read, maybe once she knows all the
facts she'll feel better about it.
Thirdly, you could always throw a third
method (or fourth), of b/c to make her
even more comfortable, try a sponge or
spermicidal foam or jelly.
Finally, I hate to say this but she may
have other issues with sex and she's just
scapegoating. If none of the above
things satisfies her, this may be the
case. Sex can be very tramautic for some
people, and there do exist people who are
asexual, and simply have no desire at all.
Talk to her and try and make sure that
fear of pregnancy really is the cause.
Best luck to you,
~laura
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cor unum
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jan 2005 Posts: 11 Location: Minnesota
Posted: 01-18-05 04:51am
Thank you so much laura. The next time we
are together we are going to sit down and
talk this out.It won't be an easy
conversation, but it is necessary for the
health of our relationship.
I feel kinda stupid however, I just
realized that I posted in a women's
section :oops: , but a woman's opinion
would be best on this subject I think. I
also find it strange that the first person
to reply to my post shares the same name
as my girlfriend :d .
Take care!
