Pregnancy Forum - Ok... What Do I Do???? Need Advice...

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Q: Ok... What Do I Do???? Need Advice...

asked by: bailysbutterfly on January 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

I know the answer to my question already is to talk about this... But my real question is how to bring this up...

Me and my bf have been together for a while now and he is buying me a ring for valentines day and everything... We have unprotected sex and I am not on birth control...

I have been thinking so much recently and I want a baby... We are moving into a new house and everything and I just think that I am really ready... But I dont know how to tell my bf...

The thing is... He always always always always is talking having a baby... But always in a joking way... But then like one time we talked kinda serious about it and he said "if you get pregnant, I will be excited, but I just think we should wait" and bla bla bla... And he always jokes with his friends and says "im gonna be a dad and bla bla bla" and just joke around about it... But someone once said that "there is always a little truth to every joke" and I kind of believe that...

Like if me and him or him and any of his friends get on the subject of kids, he is like "yea I tell her that if she gets pregnant that her and the baby will be my first priority" and hes like "having a child wouldnt be bad and it would be great and I know it would change my life and everything"

and he always wants to go inside me and stuff but we always back out at the last second thinking its not a good idea to make a decision like that in the heat of the moment....

I just think that if I actually sat down serious with him (which he doesn't like anyways) and talk about having a baby, that he might freak out... But I am really ready to have one I believe at this point in my life... I helped raise my nephew and I love kids... Most of our friends have children and I know that I could handle it...

What should I do and how should I do it... Advice please... Sorry so long :(

Replies(21)

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 23rd, 2005

Experienced User

Re: Hi....

jlee77 wrote:

well sounds to me like your lucky cause from what you posted, he sounds ready to me!! Why do you think he would freak out? Everything you said he says sounds positive towards wanting a baby. He even shares it with his friend and that makes him "macho"> lol. (you know how guys are!)

i say let it out...Talk with him. Obviously your relationship is serious! And congrats on the upcoming engagement, that is great. It looks like your taking all the right steps, your getting a house and everything. Seems you could make a good future for this baby and in having a family.

Good luck and enjoy everything happening!
Talk to him! He loves you! :o)

well the only reason that I say that it might freak him out is because he doenst like to sit down and have serious heart to heart talks... Thats just his personality... In fact, usually his way of talking about things is joking around... (which he does about kids alot)..

I know he loves me... I love him as well... But its like, one time we talked about his "going" inside me and we were both like ok lets do it... When it came time, he was like "i cant because you might get pregnant" but after the fact he was the same way about talking about children...

I just am afraid that I might get my hopes up and get excited and I just dont want to scare him...

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

jlee77 wrote:

sounds to me like he is just nervous. And nervous he should be! A child is a major step (as we all know). The thought of a baby seems to sound desirable to him but at the same time seems to scare him. That is probably the reason for the last minute "pullout".

I used to date a "jokester". Maybe you could approach a conversation in a humerous way. Like buy a pair of booties and go from there....Be creative, lighten the mood cause of course it will be an intense conversation. But what is the worse that can happen? From the sounds of it, he is a good, supportive guy and he could "shy" away from the subject. But....It will get him thinking about it, and trust me...He will. :o)

a few months ago I thought I was pregnant because I had alot of symptoms and I think I had convinced myself that I was... But I told him I thought I was and he wasn't freaked or anything... He just kept asking me to go get a test because he wanted to know...

Then once I wasn't, I asked him if he wanted to wear a condom and he said no... If he would have been totally freaked about the fact I may have been pregnant, he would have worn a condom after that.. So that I wouldn't get pregnant...

So I just dont know...

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

Any other advice? Im thinking about doing it tonight depending on how his day at work goes today...

Tazzy D

replied on January 24th, 2005

Advanced Support Team

Buy a card and write your feelings in it, and let him read it.. Or buy a baby bottle and give it to him... Or dont tell him just wait until your preggo then tell him. Good luck with whatever you decide

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

tazzy d wrote:

buy a card and write your feelings in it, and let him read it.. Or buy a baby bottle and give it to him... Or dont tell him just wait until your preggo then tell him. Good luck with whatever you decide

yea I want to wait until I am pregnant, but we have unprotected sex but he still pulls out... I have been pregnant this way before when I was young :( I miscarried... But my then bf (4 years ago) also pulled out and I still became pregnant...

I guess this "method" we are using now, is just pregnancy waiting to happen sooner or later, but how long is the question... You know??

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 24th, 2005

Moderator

It's diff for everyone. One of my girlfriend's has been using this "method" for 10 years and has not even had a preg scare (but then again she might be infertile)

if this is what you want --good luck!!

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

jlee77 wrote:

the pull out method reacts differently for all woman cause all woman are different as far as fertility is concerned....And then there is the question of how fertile is the man as well? Get what i'm saying? But at least you know it's definetely not the best form of b.C!! :wink:

well... When I had a miscarriage before and my current bf who I was with 2.5 years total... Not being too detailed but when we had sex, everytime he would pull out in plenty of time and finish himself off if you know what I mean... My current bf (soon to be more... Yay) and i, when we have sex he just pulls right in the nick of time... So if I conceived from the last bf with the way we were then I think im more likely to conceive this way as well...

I just think that I am in the point in my life right now where I am ready... I have all my responsibilities lined up, a new home and a great relationship...

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 24th, 2005

Moderator

Sounds like you're ready. How old are you if I may ask??? If you are ready then maybe you guys won't even have to do the pulling out anymore.

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

lil_blaze2004 wrote:

sounds like you're ready. How old are you if I may ask??? If you are ready then maybe you guys won't even have to do the pulling out anymore.

i am 21 and he is 22. I helped my sister raise my nephew when I was 16. Its my nature to take care of people. Everyone in my family and everyone of my friends tells me that they think of me as a mother figure.

I would like to not use the pull out method anymore, but im still nervous about telling my bf... :shock:

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 24th, 2005

Moderator

bailysbutterfly wrote:

lil_blaze2004 wrote:

sounds like you're ready. How old are you if I may ask??? If you are ready then maybe you guys won't even have to do the pulling out anymore.

maybe the best bet would be to sit with him and talk it all over. Good luckers!!!!!

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

lil_blaze2004 wrote:

maybe the best bet would be to sit with him and talk it all over. Good luckers!!!!!

oh for sure... I know that talking is important... Hes not much of a talker though which makes me more nervous... :roll:

Tazzy D

replied on January 24th, 2005

Advanced Support Team

Okay well since hes not a talker....... Just simply say hun I want to have a baby can we ......................

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 24th, 2005

Moderator

bailysbutterfly wrote:

lil_blaze2004 wrote:

maybe the best bet would be to sit with him and talk it all over. Good luckers!!!!!

oh for sure... I know that talking is important... Hes not much of a talker though which makes me more nervous... :roll:

then tell him to listen..Lol and you do all the talking!

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

I will see how his day goes today and we will see what happens...

nmmama2005

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

Good luck!!! Sorry all the other ladies said everything.

jessamyn

replied on January 24th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Just slip it in... Just sit down at a random time and be like okay so stress or pressure just want to know your opinion on babies and us and family... Just let it all out even if it scares him atleast your being open and honest... Thats what I do when I talk to paul just out of noooo where bring it up! Ya know?

Good luck!

Oh how old r u (so just curious)

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 24th, 2005

Experienced User

jessamyn wrote:

just slip it in... Just sit down at a random time and be like okay so stress or pressure just want to know your opinion on babies and us and family... Just let it all out even if it scares him atleast your being open and honest... Thats what I do when I talk to paul just out of noooo where bring it up! Ya know?

Good luck!

Oh how old r u (so just curious)

i am 21 and he is 22....

He actually brings it up more that I do... Seriously... He brings it up alot!

bailysbutterfly

replied on January 25th, 2005

Experienced User

Well I mentioned it and just talked about it in general, but didn't say I wanted to, and he said "well in a couple of months when I get a raise, I can afford a child...

:(

lil_blaze2004

replied on January 25th, 2005

Moderator

bailysbutterfly wrote:

well I mentioned it and just talked about it in general, but didn't say I wanted to, and he said "well in a couple of months when I get a raise, I can afford a child...

:(

well at least he said that. My boyfriend has decide to go back to school next month (which ya it's great for the future) but hello i'm going on maternity leave in 3-4 months and only gonna be getting 55% of my salry which will be like $500-550 every 2 weeks. I can't do that.... I'm getting real worried.

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