Dealing With Guilt

Hi,
after much deliberation I have thought of sharing my feelings and doubts with all those out there who I think can relate to my situation.
I have recently come out of a relationship and am
feeling extremely guilty about my actions.
To tell u about my story in brief yet not compromising on the
integrity and seriousness of the issues I will be detailing everything
that is necessary for you to read and provide me with some suggestions
as I am in great need of some sound and logical advice.
Please help me as I am really losing ground:
here it goes:
see we began seeing each other alost 3 years ago,initially everything
was hunky dory,she had been out of a long and turbulent relationship
and thelast relationship that I was into was if I am not mistaken in
the year1999.So initially everything was hunky dory and I had decided
wow man I have fond my life partner and quite rightly so as the girl
is really good but then you know just when you plan out tings life is
what happens to you.I lost my father almost 5 years ago and am the
only son in the family,so it is my responsibility to look after my
mother who is a hose wife and my sister who is still studying.All the
mnore reason as we have been disowned by my fathers side as I already
lost my grandparents long ago and there was no one who wanted to pay
any heed to our survival.At that time the ony people who were there
with me were my m,aternal uncle's and my mothers' mother ie my
grandmother.I owe alot to them as they helped us straighten our
spine.So obviously I cannot even dare to forget the debt of gratitude
that I have towards them.Now obviously my attention towards them is
quite intense and that was another reason whyi had decided not to get
into a relationship but then this thing happened and I got
involved.Now as I have mentioned earlier the girl had a turbulent
relationship and it left its marks on her as she became extremely
insecure of my attention towards my mother and sister,(before making
any opinions please consider this that iwe used to stay almost 40 kms
away and on every off I used to make it a point to meet her without
fail,no matter what condition I was in,but the day I used to be out
with my mother and sister taking them to a relatives place there used
to be ahuge scene which used to disturb me alot.It used to result in
abusive arguments and at times so violent that we both used to end up
inflicting physical torture to each other.I had told my mother the
very first day thati am seeing this girl and have exchanged vows and
as a loyal individual would like to honour that pledge of mine..And
she said that she has no issues only that I should be well settled and
in a position to handle it.But the girl always used to feel insecure
about something or the other,everyday for almost a year and a half i
used to come back from work and straightaway used to call her and
speak to her for about an hour before I actually even acknowledged
that there are other individuals present in the house who are waiting
for me to have dinner.When I used to tell her that I have o go and eat
food..She used to get angry ..When I say angry I very well understand
what one means with getting angry just to show affection and
possesiveness and what the other kind of anger and frustration and
insecurity depicts.After that I gave up working and was without a job
and contrary to what I used to do earlier I could not match up with
the long phone calls and meetings as I was short on cash or shall i
say I was surviving on my mothers money because I gave up working to
study for my management exams for which I had to travel
extensively.Now when this happened I expected her to understand that i
was under tremendous pressure of cracking it and had to pay alot of
attention towards my preparation,because I could not use my mobile
phone sparingly she started having doubts saying that I am ignoring
her,and at the same time there were other guys who were interested in
her and were trying desperately for her,she started comparing me with
them,saying that you never do the things which others do,they talk so
sweetly,they talk of doing things which I expect and all that
stuff..In the meantime I forgot to tell you that the moment we started
going around I left the organization as we both were in the same team
and upon her insistence I did not let anyone know of the fact that we
both were actually seeing each other.No issues about that but trust me
it would have helped alot to have disclosed it to people who were
unnecessarily eyeing and trying on her and when I used to say that i
am going to spill the beans she used to get furious like hell.So when
i could not talk so frequently and even meet her she started talking
and seeing other guys who were trying on her,actually the situation
had become that bad that I just used to manage to call for for 2-3
minutes in the entire day and she used to talk very sarcastically to
me about everything.Naturally my feelings were also getting dried up
and I also started telling her lets be friends only as I dont think
its heading anywhere.Alot of things happened and then I finally
decided that I will have to start working again as I was under alot of
debt,so when I recieved my forst paycheck after starting to work again
i started talking to her and apologised and accepted everything as my
responsibility.In the meantime she told me that she got a bit physical
with one of the guys who were trying to get her and he happened to be
one of them whom I wanted to tell that I was seeing that girl but she
always used to tellme that she doesnt wanna lose a friend in him so
better keep it a secret for as long as possible and like a dickhead
and a health question I agreed and trust me I have learned it doesnt pay to be
reasonable in life as I never even thought of shaking hands with
another girl till she was there and here I am being royally
messed..Okay I agree that I was not able to keep upto the task but
atleast she should have ended the thing with me and then ever since
she used to say that she did so to spoil herself because of my
behaviour and attitude towards her.I had sleepless nights and could
not work for a long time but somehow I swallowed blood and things
started to move in the right direction ..But not for long,again the
possesiveness started erupting,i was not supposed to talk to anyone
without ketting her know,if I am sitting with mother and sister and
she used to call up I could not even ask her to call back in 5 or 10
mins,it used to result in extremely heated arguments.So many times we
have been abusive and desctructive that I cannot tell you.I was losing
interest in the ralationship and constantly used to tell her that this
way it wont be possible to go ahead and stay together because unlike
westernere we are asians and our lifestyle is different from
you..Please dont mind my inference to your lifestyle if you happen to
be from the west and she used to get furious saying that yeah yeah i
am a health forum of first order may god help you find a wonderful partnet
and all that stupid stuff which used to annpoy me no limits.Fnally we
had an extrmeley heated argumental week and during which I decided
that its not working out and I gotta take a strong stance as there had
been instances when our families also got involved and it had an
extremely negative impact.During that week I was so badky tortured by
her ...While being in office I used to recieve messages saying that i
will commit suicide because of what you have done to me and I have
started smoking because of you,you have reduced me to a promiscuous person and all
those things and I hated her all the more for what she was dong to me.
Now please tellme have I been at mistake or have I committed a sin by
walking out of this relationsip.Everytime I used to go to meet her she
used to return home dissatisfoed and used to cry saying that she is
extremely unlucky to have a partner like me..I agree that I dont talk
much but I used to talk the most to her,i couls not see her suffering
with me like that.I am extremely transfixed and am in a dilemma as i
know I cant go back and maybe I dont even want to but I sincerely care
for her and want her to be happy,but she still says that she is
screwing up her life big time and that I am responsible for everything
and that I will suffer one day.I am a god fearing man and pray to god
every moment for the right thing to happen but please tellme how to
overcome my guilt of walking out of the relationship and living
peacefully thinking that tomorrow will be full of promise both for her
and for me.