My Boyfriend Ips a Psycho Posted: 01-26-05 14:21pm
I've been dating my boyfriend jordan for a
little over 8 monthss, he is biracial and
I am white, which has caused us stress
because of my parents. We've had a
handful of serious incidents where he's
either tried to kill himself or hurt
others. If I break up with him he totally
flips out and says im all he has and he
cant live without me and he'll never go
out with anyone else again. He was put in
the hospital for trying to commit suicide,
and still I satyed with him. After he got
out of the hospital for the second time,
he didn't flip out for awhile until last
night when I did something without him,
went with his brother and just drove
around. When I met up with him at the
house he slapped me and tried attacking me
until someone had to grab him off of me
like 4 times. In the morning he goes back
to a normal person and says he's sorry it
wont happen again? Ever hear of someone
who freakin cried wolf? Well im sick and
tired of being sick and tired, but I know
he's had a seriously rough life, his mom
smokes crack and also sells. His dad use
to molest him and beat him. What to I do?
I know he has alot of serious issuses,
but I love him alot and I want to help him
be normal all the time. But it just seems
the littlest things set him off.......
Advice??
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SCARLET32
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Oct 2004 Posts: 16 Location: MICHIGAN
Posted: 01-26-05 14:32pm
This may sound harsh but. Leave
immediately. Chances are things are only
going to get worse. The whole situation
sounds icky to me. I'm sure you care
about this person, but i'm betting you
deserve better. Good luck!
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babymomma
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 28
Posted: 01-26-05 14:57pm
I know that it will be hard at first but
the best thing for you to do is leave him
alone, because if he has tried to kill
himself, you would most likely be the next
person he would try to hurt. It is best
to try to be there for him but it would
only hurt you in the long run to continue
a relationship.
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fraggle
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 33
Posted: 01-26-05 15:45pm
You like to save people...Just like me.
I was in a similar situation. I was with
someone because I wanted to help them but
you only end up hurting yourself. You
can't save someone that doesn't want to be
saved! Just leave him cold turkey. I
know you care about him and don't want him
to get hurt but there's nothing you can do
but save yourself!
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problemchild
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Jan 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Pittsburgh
Update On " Boyfriend Is a Psycho" Posted: 02-04-05 20:08pm
He went to jail yesterday, for stabbing
someone. And even after all that crazy
caca, I still love him. I visited him in
jail and even sent him tee shirts, socks,
and underwear, because I care for that boy
so much. I have never emotionally been so
atatched to another human being, I know he
has alot of problems, most of which are
from his family lifestyle. But I look at
him and it's like seeing a lonely, angry,
and sad little pit bull at the pound. I
know it sounds crazy but I love him and
will stick by him no matter what and see
that he gets the help he deserves. He has
alot of problems but i'm not bailing out,
I said I love you and I truly mean it.
His family hasn't even visited him yet. I
love this boy so much, I will stick with
him and pray to god that he changes his
ways. I fell in love with a good person,
I look at him in that orange jumpsuit, and
even behind the glass I see in his eyes a
good person staring back. He's just
caught up in a rough age, and i'm all he
has, i'm just scared because i'm still a
kid too, but I will not leave him. I love
him, please give me some feed back, yell
at me for being crazy, just let me know
what ya'll think.
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lili002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 May 2005 Posts: 10
Posted: 05-13-05 10:35am
It is a good thing you love him but I
would take this as an opportunity to go
away far from him. I am with someone who
I thought I could help him, make him feel
good about himself and enjoy life.
Everybody told me to leave him but I said
no, I love that man and i'll stick by him,
I will manage to make his life better.
Well his life is much better financially
but he still feels the same than before
and he put me down with him. After 2
years I feel like I am trapped that I need
to have some fresh air and start a new
life. And I can't do that because I am
too scared of how he is going to react.
It has only been 8 months you have been
with him. You will see in a few years
time when the situation is the same or
maybe even worse that you had an
opportunity given to you at one time and
you did not take it. I wish I took that
opportunity when it happened.
Stay with him if that is what you really
want but before you do this ask yourself
this:
what was my life before him?
Is my life more complex since I am with
him?
Do I feel happier than before I met him?
Am I ready to sacrifice my life for him?
Good luck,
lili
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femfree
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Jun 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Canada
Posted: 06-19-05 07:42am
Hi. He may well be a psycho. He could
have antisocial personality disorder.
You owe it to yourself to find out. He
is the proverbial jekyll/hyde. They love
to pick on women and children. The fact
that he has had a bad childhood is too
bad, he needs therapy, but to abuse you is
wrong and that excuse of his bad childhood
is ridiculous. But, it appeals to your
sympathy.
You may be interested in the following:
another trait, important for everyone who
deals with a psychopath, is their ability
to evoke pity; the same kind of pity we
feel towards invalids or experience for
helpless and sick children. They seem
completely helpless, lost in a world where
they do not belong. Again and again they
try to adjust and to cope, in a fashion
that always falls a bit shy of the mark.
They are eternal strangers, arousing in
each of us a longing to help, a feeling we
experience with helpless human beings.
Often this pity creates difficulties, and
many is the person who falls prey to it.
We often try to be kind to these "poor"
people, and they are "poor" people - our
pity is justifiable. However the problem
is that psychopaths readily manipulate
those around them through just such pity.
Women are often victimized: mothering
instincts are aroused, or the archetype of
the nurse is constellated. They want to
protect and care for the poor, sick thing
and understandably so, for psychopaths
strike protective chords and speak to the
desire to help and heal."
psychopaths arouse caring instinct
you say he's in jail for stabbing. It
could well be you that was stabbed. I'm
afraid you're going to have a nasty time
trying to explain this 'love' for him.
Are you addicted to a fixer-upper man?
It seems your priorities are all screwed
up sweetie and you should be running like
hell from him.
"i have to tell you something. I am at
work at this very moment. I am in the
court room. In the past 15 minutes I
have had three different women come in and
try to get their 'loves' out of jail for
battering them. The last woman, was very
badly bruised and not all there. Yet she
cried and cried that she had to be able to
see him. (there is a no contact order
with him and he's in jail) how does this
happen? I had to explain to her that it
was like if he burnt her house
down...Maybe she didn’t mind it but it
was against the law and no amount of love
is gonna help this time. I really feel
sorry for these women who honestly believe
that they can help them or change them.
And yet...I other than the physical
abuse...Let a man do it to me. It seems
for every "p" that is out there, there is
at least 3 women wanting to save him!"
abuse survivor quotes
he is using his stories about his troubled
childhood to appeal to your sympathies.
He knows full well how to pick up a phone
and get some professional mental health -
which he needs.
What do you know about his past? I would
have no hesitation in checking with
previous girlfriends about him. It will
likely be a real eye-opener for you. The
characteristics of a psychopath are so
deeply ingrained there is near zero chance
of change. You deserve a lot better.
There is a whole world out there with
people that can benefit by your loving
and giving and nurturing nature. But
this guy has 2 good arms and 2 good legs
and he's an abuser.
Don't wear blinders. Enter new
relationships with your eyes wide open.
Like tile rest of us, most psychopathic
conartists and "love-thieves" initially
hide their dark side by putting their
"best foot forward." cracks may soon begin
to appear in the mask they wear, but once
trapped in their web, it will be difficult
to escape financially and emotionally
unscathed.
the power of those wonderful early months.
Like any love-struck person, she runs
around telling her friends and family what
a terrific guy he is. After talking him
up so much, she feels embarrassed to
reveal his mistreatment when it begins, so
she keeps it to herself for a long time.
Why does he do that? Inside the minds of
angry and controlling men, lundy bancroft
take care of yourself and leave him.
Otherwise you're faced with "he treated
you bad and you're going back for more."
learn as much as you can as fast as you
can and protect yourself financially and
emotionally - and physically too.
If you don't learn to think for yourself,
make your own observations, and form your
own value judgments, there will always be
somebody out there who will be only too
glad to step in and do it for you.
The psychological "bully-victim"
relationship it's cause and cure by silas
m. Wesley, ph.D.
the excerpts i've used above are just a
few of the hundreds of resources at the
psychopath forum at msn. They are
available to anyone interested or who may
even want to find out if there's a chance
they could be involved with a psychopath.
There's far more out there than we'd like
to think.
How many others like me are there? More
than you might think, and our numbers are
increasing. Take twenty people off the
street and you will find one whose mind
ticks so much like mine that you could
consider us clones.
take care
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traceb
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Posts: 4
I Remember When Posted: 03-01-06 02:03am
I used to be the same way, always trying
to save people. That made me feel better
about myself. I'm guessing you are
probably pretty young. I learned over the
years that I needed someone with
confidence and someone who made me feel
better about me enough to realize I could
do so much better than the losers I had
chosen. They did nothing but bring me
down. My life was chaos until I met my
knight in shining armour! It is nice
having the confidence to know that I don't
need someone who is needy......It is nice
to help people, but hey, be a counselor.
Find someone who will make you want to be
a better person. Someone you want to have
children with and you would feel safe
with. Also someone whom you would feel
your children are safe with. Think of it
that way. It is not your job to take on
his problems. You think it is love but
i'm telling you from experience, it is a
habit. When you find someone to treat
you like a lady, and he builds you up, you
can relax with him, never looking over
your shoulder, not walking on eggshells,
he is your safe place......Then that, my
friend, is love.
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Vanessa2077
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Jan 2006 Posts: 18 Location: AL
Posted: 03-05-06 02:01am
Honey I beg you to get out of this
situation. I would like to give this
person you love the benefit of the doubt
but the fact is he is dangerous, to
himself to other people and to you. I'm
wondering if maybe you feel sorry for him
and that is what is ultimalety keeping you
with him. Baby you can't save him, he has
to save himself. You deserve to be in a
safe, loving, honest, and healthy
relationship. I am soooooo far from
perfect so please do not take offense to
my reply. Leave him before things get
worse. I do not know the level of your
intimacy with him but, he does not sound
like he would be a stable father to an
innocent child. Keep that in mind to
okay.
Best,
vanessa
|
suziec
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Mar 2006 Posts: 2 Location: Australia
Get Out!!!! Posted: 03-05-06 22:42pm
I am married to a man with bipolar
disorder so I know what it is like to care
for someone that can be very unlovely.
The nture of an abusive relationship is
that the victim becomes so entangled in
the relationship that he/she finds it
incredibly difficult to leave. Some call
it love; rescuing or whatever...I just
call it an incredibly awful place to be!
You said it yoursel...You are only a kid
yourself, so make the most of your life
and believe me there is definately a
future out there for you with someone
better than this. You were not put on
this earth to be a matyr for this guy and
your are not responsible for him...
Regardless of what he does. Get out get
out get out and make the most of your
life...Don't hang around and live to
regret it...It will get worse.
Sorry to sound so hard but I cant' help it
...You are crying out for help and for
someone to say get out!
Regards and be safe
suziec
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ANGELOS MAMA
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Posts: 1128 Location: , San Diego,California
Posted: 09-02-06 18:35pm
Crazt but you needa leave him.Dont stay
with someone who hurts you.What the
medical question is that about?
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ccris123
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Sep 2006 Posts: 58 Location: Kentucky
Posted: 09-06-06 22:03pm
It's been a while since the original
post. I hope you're still alive. I went
through the same thing and I got out.
Even though he turned into a stalker and I
was sure I was going to die daily, it
ended up being the best thing i've ever
done. Now i'm in a happy relationship.
My kids are ok, and i'm ok.
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foozlesprite
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Jul 2007 Posts: 1
Wow Posted: 07-13-07 14:08pm
! I have been through a similar story
although not as bad, and believe it or not
she's probably really depressed because of
this. People need to learn that when
someone is depressed in a situation like
this rather than telling somebody to go
get help, or that they're doing something
wrong, you should help them turn their bad
situation into a good one. Your
relationship is bad at the moment, yes.
However I can see you both love each
other. Insanity is not grounds to dismiss
a relationship, insane people have hearts
too! The fact that you have stuck
together shows a great strength of
character that most 'sane' people I have
seen do not display. Keep working toward
your goals, leave if it goes sour, but
good luck! Other people will try to hold
you down because they don't understand
that when you've lived a bad life and
finally find somebody to love and love you
back, you don't care about fights that
last a day or being parted for a while.
Your only longing is to make them happy
and be with them! They are a refuge that
must be held onto unless he does genuinely
try to hurt you, and trust me, you can
tell when he actually would, I've seen the
difference in my mother's boyfriends. If
he does make that obvious, then leave no
matter how much it hurts...but otherwise
I'm sure you guys will make a great and
loving couple. Best of wishes.
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childofgod777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Aug 2007 Posts: 35 Location: Indianapolis
Problemchild; Posted: 08-29-07 14:32pm
Are you stupid or what? You can't
possibly love this donkey. You have not a
clue what love is if you think this is
love. You need help as bad as he does.
Maybe even more, because I guarantee you
he would not put up with what you have.
Kick this sick person to the curb. Get a
life. And not with him.
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Libra198
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Sep 2007 Posts: 2 Location: ,
Posted: 09-07-07 12:08pm
It may be the hardest thing to do in your
life but you should leave, thats what you
should do, but you need to come to realize
it on your own otherwise you never will.
Im in a similar situation not as harsh
with the sucide atempts but trust me
getting away would be the best try and
have him admitted into a hospital thats
where he should be sounds like it anyway
and there he can get help and maybe
eventually will make things easier for you
to deal with, with or without him.
goodluck hang in there
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lordknowsimweak
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Sep 2007 Posts: 1
Re: Problemchild; Posted: 09-11-07 12:59pm
childofgod777
wrote:
Are you stupid or what? You
can't possibly love this donkey. You have
not a clue what love is if you think this
is love. You need help as bad as he does.
Maybe even more, because I guarantee you
he would not put up with what you have.
Kick this sick person to the curb. Get a
life. And not with
him.
What the hell is wrong with YOU? I am just
a passerby...actually signed up just to
respond to you personally. I did a quick
google search, looking for support for
women in an abusive situation. If you
think that your post is at all helpful,
you are very sadly mistaken. Your post did
nothing but enrage me and make me think
that perhaps YOU are the one with issues.
It is quite obvious the girl is depressed,
and unsure of herself and her
relationship. Calling her STUPID isn't
going to give her the courage to leave her
abusive relationship.
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amanduhhbbyx3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Oct 2007 Posts: 33 Location: miami,
Posted: 10-02-07 17:48pm
My mother took years just to leave my dad.
My father is bipolar & not to mention
he saw his dad nearly kill his mom. My mom
like lived in the hospital. She had many
broken bones due to my dad. My mom only
stayed because she thought its not his
fault for what happened during his life
but she had to leave because he would go
crazy when I was little & cried so she
left him. 3 years ago I went on a website
called clerk of courts & read the
report & got his number I called him
& he was out of wack I could barely
understand what he was saying but I just
couldn't stop crying because of the
picture I had in my mind of the horid
things he did to my mom, the reason Im
saying this is because I wouldn't want
your children to go threw what I did &
also because you don't deserve this so
tell him that to either take medication
& stop the abuse or your leaving
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MMAFighter
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 363 Location: WA, USA
Make Life For Yourselves Posted: 10-02-07 18:37pm
You know, your life and your boyfriend's
life almost sounds like mine. I was
abused by my father in my early life, this
summer I picked a fight with my dad to
tell him once and for all to get the hell
out of my life (which resulted in several
car crash sized black bruises for my dad
and almost resulted in me getting kicked
in the groin). My dad is angry,
depressed, and maybe a little bipolar and
as a young boy I never found someone to
learn how to be a man from. All I could
think of when I saw girls was abuse and
rape them to make myself feel manlier (my
thoughts might seem strange, but they're
honest), all I could think of when meeting
other boys was beating them into a pulp to
prove myself. My parents didn't get along
either, my mom always tried to make my dad
into one of those "dream guys" that was
strong, tall, socially outgoing,
independent, had leadership skills, was
rich, etc. When my dad couldn't do that,
my mom just played into his insecurities
and my insecurities. All I did the first
16 years of my life was blame other
people, take my anger out, ask God why
life wasn't fair, ask God why life was
beyond my control, live in a fantasy
world, etc. Then all of a sudden, I
realized that I had wasted my first 16
years of life since I was "reacting to the
past" and not looking toward the future
and "making life for myself". Anyways,
just because you had a lot of things to go
through in life, doesn't mean you have a
right to keep reacting to the past, you
need to start looking towards the future
and making life for yourself. It took me
a long time to figure this out, maybe you
already have, I don't no.
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young Girl
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jun 2007 Posts: 13932 Location: everythings better in, texas USA
Re: Make Life For Yourselves Posted: 10-02-07 18:39pm
MMAFighter
wrote:
You know, your life and your
boyfriend's life almost sounds like mine.
I was abused by my father in my early
life, this summer I picked a fight with my
dad to tell him once and for all to get
the hell out of my life (which resulted in
several car crash sized black bruises for
my dad and almost resulted in me getting
kicked in the groin). My dad is angry,
depressed, and maybe a little bipolar and
as a young boy I never found someone to
learn how to be a man from. All I could
think of when I saw girls was abuse and
rape them to make myself feel manlier (my
thoughts might seem strange, but they're
honest), all I could think of when meeting
other boys was beating them into a pulp to
prove myself. My parents didn't get along
either, my mom always tried to make my dad
into one of those "dream guys" that was
strong, tall, socially outgoing,
independent, had leadership skills, was
rich, etc. When my dad couldn't do that,
my mom just played into his insecurities
and my insecurities. All I did the first
16 years of my life was blame other
people, take my anger out, ask God why
life wasn't fair, ask God why life was
beyond my control, live in a fantasy
world, etc. Then all of a sudden, I
realized that I had wasted my first 16
years of life since I was "reacting to the
past" and not looking toward the future
and "making life for myself". Anyways,
just because you had a lot of health
question to go through in life, doesn't
mean you have a right to keep reacting to
the past, you need to start looking
towards the future and making life for
yourself. It took me a long time to
figure this out, maybe you already have, I
don't no.
you are a very smart mature young man and
you are going to make great things of
yourself in life!
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MMAFighter
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2007 Posts: 363 Location: WA, USA
Leave Your Boyfriend If You Must Posted: 10-02-07 18:42pm
If your boyfriend keeps crying wolf with
his actions, is physically abusing you,
and makes no real efforts to start over
and make life your himself, leave him.
Don't let him drag you down. I don't
think that just because your life sucks or
used to suck is a reason for you to "react
to the past", you need to learn how to
make life for yourself and look towards
the future.
