Hi everyone,
i would really, really appreciate your
advice and opinion on the following!
I met this guy on the net in feb of last
year (at the time, I was very unhappy in
another relationship -- tried numerous
times to break up but to no avail --
suicide threats were thrown back into my
face when I brought up the issue and I was
just basically being emotionally
blackmailed). We chatted for the next 2
months - we both had so much in common and
I really enjoyed our daily chats.
Eventually, after 2 months, we decided to
meet up - I knew that this was my
opportunity to break off my other
relationship, so I did exactly that. We
met the next day for our first "real"
date!! We both had a wonderful time and
he was exactly as I had expected. All in
all, our date went very well and he asked
me over to his house the following
weekend.
Fast forward --> 2 months later: by
this stage, we were a "couple." I was
really infatuated with him and it seemed
as if the feeling was mutual. He was
constantly telling me how he was "falling
for [me] big time..." and how he saw "a
major future for us..." everything was
perfect, I was exactly where I wanted to
be.
Then, in late may, we decided to take a
mini-break . We went away for the weekend
and had a great time -- constantly holding
hands and being "soppy" in general!!! :)
the day after arriving home, his sms msgs
seemed different - very cold and
impersonal. The next morning, I didn't
hear from him (he had his cute morning
texting ritual - every morning, he would
text me and let me know that he was on his
way to work). Anyway, after a few hours,
being the impatient girl that I am, I
decided to send him a msg. I just asked
if everything was ok and said that if he
had anything to tell me, to do so. He
replied and pleaded with me to give him a
few days to "figure out what [he] needs."
I refused and told him not to worry about
the whole "break it to her gently" cliché.
So, he suggested that we meet.
We met and sat in his car. He started by
telling me that he just didn't get that
"butterfly" feeling anymore. Then, he
said "i was thinking about things
yesterday and asked myself 3
questions...1. Do I like you? Ans: yes,
I really, really, really like you. 2.
Could I see us moving in together? Ans:
yes, in a few years from now. 3. Do I
love you? Ans: I honestly couldn't answer
that." absolutely broken-hearted,
dumb-founded, but also conscious that I
had never, ever brought up the subject of
"love" over the previous 2 months, I got
out of the car. There was nothing I could
do (even though I felt like grovelling at
his feet!!!).
For the next week, I heard from him
everyday without failure. He would tell
me what he was up to...How work was...Etc.
Etc. I sent him an email and suggested
that we remain friends. Three weeks of
silence passed, when, one night I decided
to log into my messenger account -- there
he was...! We chatted for ages about
everything. Then, he told me that he was
feeling very depressed recently. I told
him that I was there for him and asked why
he didn't keep in contact. He said that
he couldn't "be just friends straight
away" and said that he didn't want to drag
me in and hurt me all over again. I asked
him to elaborate but he just dismissed the
issue.
Ever since, we have been in weekly
contact. Recently, he sent me an email
saying that he started seeing a girl and
that she was just messing him about
(**dagger to my heart!!**). His messages
are always very flirty, he sent me 3 love
songs one night on messenger and asked me
to give my opinion, he seems to get really
annoyed if I even mention another guys
name. I just don't know what's going
on...I'm so confused!!! I'm (obviously!)
still crazy about him and i'm not sure if
staying in contact is helping matters.
What should I do...?! I can't forget
about him. I'm currently studying in
university -- this is destroying my
academic life (i get so depressed
sometimes, I don't even feel like
attending lectures) and my social life
(i've met some lovely guys but I am
constantly comparing and contrasting to
you-know-who!!!). I have even thought
about seeing a counsellor.
Please help!!!!!!!!!!
Noinin :cry:
*x*
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 02-01-05 10:59am
Wow, I feel for you. *insert hug
emoticon here*
what's happening really isn't that big of
a mystery though. He was infatuated by
you, and got bored. Guys do it all the
time. (although girls would usually
interpret this as 'he was leading me on'
or 'playing mind-games'.) although these
were never his intentions, he genuinely
did like you.. Alot, and his emotions
were not lies. When it came time to move
to the next level, he slipped back down.
This is when he became distant... He was
re-assessing his feelings and didn't want
to say anything until he figured things
out. He didn't want to lead you on until
he knew what he was doing.. Which is why
he stopped with the morning messages and
sounded distant in the text messages.
A lot of the time this happens when a guy
has a low self-esteem, or suffering from
mild depression... He will date a girl,
things will go great, and his confidence
raises. Eventually he's feeling good
about himself and wants more, he belives
"hey, I can do better than this." and
desires begin forming of meeting someone
new, someone more challenging. Girls do
this too. And i'm not by any means
saying this is definately what happened,
but just giving you some insight of a
possibility---as this is something that
happens very often, especially with guys
20-26 yrs old.
He's already talking to a new girl,
suggesting he is ready for someone in his
life... He just wants someone that can
meet his needs better. (be it
intellectual, humour, sexually,
appearance, stability, or other.) if he
does find someone that can make him
happier, then by all means let the man be
happy. You'll find someone where you are
the pinnacle of his happiness, that no
other girl can compete with. And if he
doesn't, chances are he'll come groveling
back to you... At which point you'll have
a decision to make. Trust that this will
never happen again, take him back. Or
hike up your pride and walk away.
Hope this helps. And good luck with your
studies. Mid-terms are coming up.
