What Could This Be And Heal Me With Medicines? Posted: 02-01-05 14:53pm
Hi
i have some certain psychological things
of which I don’t know what it is and what
I can do about it.
What I do know is that everything changed
for me when my father threw something at
me from behind me. It was a very hostile
act of him. At that very moment I
experienced some strange thing. I saw all
black in my conscious for a split second.
I sort of recall that I thougt something
like:’ my own father is doing such a thing
to me’ ‘my father is not the person I
always thought he was’.
This happened when I was 3 years of age.
The next day I noticed that I couldn’t
behave as I used to. I noticed there was
something wrong with me but didn’t know
what. (i still don’t know)
now I am 30 years old en since a couple of
years I say things to my self like: ‘i
wanna get out of here’, ‘ I wanna leave
from here’ or ‘ I will kill you all!’
‘ you motherf******!’ ‘ I hate you!’
‘ be aware, I will kill you!’ (and
sometimes pointing with my finger)
usually I say this things in my head but
sometimes out loud.
I don’t know what it is but I think a form
of showing my teeth, but I think beneith
that anger there is sadness, pain and
helplessless (of a child)
occasionally I will have a very sore
impression on my face, one of deep sadness
and helplessness. I don’t know why but I
think it has to do with me remembering how
sad I felt at a certain moment when I was
a little boy.
And at other times when I sort of remember
what happened I get the urge to cry but I
can’t really. I don’t know why. I think
it will do me good if I could.
Sometimes I hear myself say things
like:’hahahahaa, I don’t like you anyway’
it looks like there is a kind of person in
side of me who is very negative, who is
after doing pain to others and get my
right.
Now i’ve been to a psychiatrist and he
said these things are kind of psychotic
like and he advised me abilify for at
least a year (15 mg). The uncontrolable
thoughts will get less with that he said
and maybe even dissapear forever. And
after that the psychotherapy will be much
more effective he said. Is this true?
What makes me worry about the abilify (or
other medicines) is that I will loose my
chance to heal the right way because the
medicines will alter some things in my
psyche which will last forever. Is that
true?
