We have been together for 1 year 4 months
but my lover is married. I am broken
hearted and the jealousy is killing me.
Help! What should I do???
|
Jamie Bartz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 1 Location: Minnesota
Posted: 10-31-03 14:10pm
What do you want to do?
|
Naicol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2003 Posts: 26 Location: NEW YORK
Posted: 11-01-03 15:03pm
I would love to make things work. I want
to forgive and forget. They are
"separated", but I want to be with someone
that there past remains in the past and I
want to be their present. It gets really
complicated. I left my husband for this
person cause I had never been in love then
I fell for it. I am so in love. I would
die to make this work. The ex calls
everyday, is sending presents, (cell
phones, money), and I cannot take it. To
make it more complicated I am here in ny
and my baby is in dominican republic. I
am planning to move to be with my baby,
but will it be worth it. Will I be
disapointed and heartbroken once I get
there? Should I take the chance in the
name of love.
|
standingstrong3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Nov 2003 Posts: 1
My Lover Is Married Posted: 11-01-03 16:44pm
You should leave him alone he is married I
hope and pray he does not have children
and that god will convict both of you to
repentance, women need to respect other
womens "property" you have no right to be
involved with him especilly in god's eyes
break it off if he wanted you he would
have been divorced already.
|
Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1422 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 61
Thanked:76
All I Can Do Is Try to Help! Posted: 11-01-03 20:43pm
Hi girlfriend. Been there,done that.
Save yourself your dignity, your self
esteem and a broken heart and let this
relationship go. You said you had "been
together for over a year" and this man is
still married? Complicated or not, does
this not ring a bell and open your eyes to
the truth? If he was committed to you, he
would have gotten divorced and put the ex
to the curb where she belongs. He would
be with you. I also do not see you having
to "do all the work" just to try to keep
this relationship going. A long distance
relationship is out of the question. No,
I would not up and leave to go and be with
him just "out of love". You are going to
get hurt worse than you feel now. You
have to be strong. If you do decide this
is what you want, I do wish you all the
luck in the world. I was only trying to
spare you and your feelings to things I
have felt in my past! There are so many
other guys out there that would appreciate
you! I don't even know you and I do!!!!
Take care sweetie, keep us posted!
|
Suzy
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2003 Posts: 530
Posted: 11-02-03 04:00am
Hi naicol,
fairy godmother is absolutely right, and
if this guy didn't still have feelings for
his wife, he certainly wouldn't be
accepting presents from her. That is
rediculous. I'm sorry to be so straight
to the point, but this guy and his wife
are definately not over. In fact, it
sounds as though their is a possibility
they may reunite one day. A married man
who keeps close contact with his wife is
not a man to be getting romantically
involved with. You will be very hurt.
There is someone in the world who is right
for you, but it is not this guy. I have
nothing against long distance
relationships, my husband and I knew each
other for 3 years on the internet before
we met in person. We have now been
married for a year, and going strong. We
adore each other, and never leave each
others side. But neither of us were
involved with someone else, and if that
were to happen, we would not have
continued our internet relationship. A
mans heart should belong to you, and you
only, and if it is not like that, you are
wasting your time. A love triangle just
doesn't work and someone is going to get
hurt, that someone will be you.
Good luck,
suzy
|
Naicol
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 Oct 2003 Posts: 26 Location: NEW YORK
Ok Posted: 11-02-03 16:10pm
Well let me be honest with you all. This
is hard for me to say cause I have buried
it in my past. When I was 4 I was raped
and since I was 15 I have been
promiscuous. I was married but I had
other lovers, I couldn't stop having sex.
I didn't love any of them and some of them
I didn't even know their names. I always
felt like I needed a hug, love someone who
love me for me. Then I met my current
love who happens to be a girl. This is so
weird for me. I had never been with a
girl before. She offers me a sense of
security and love. She left her man and I
left my men, I have not been with anyone
else since I met her, but he calls her
everyday, sends her gifts, money and it
bothers me cause I suffered a lot when
they were together and I never want to go
through that again. Help I
really need it. I have been praying to
get some higher power to shine some light
on me but I love her.
|
missy732
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Nov 2003 Posts: 11 Location: ga
to the One Seeing the Married Man Posted: 11-08-03 13:27pm
I understand completely what ur going
thru, I myself have been in a relationship
with a married man for 4 1/2 years now, we
also have 2 children together. I am 25
yrs. Old and I love this man more than I
have ever loved anybody, I also know that
he loves me, no matter what everyone else
may think. Yes I do get jelouse of his
wife but I knew he was married and I have
chosen to stay with him this long, I have
to deal with it. Theres nobody out there
that can tell u what u should do, u know
how u feel about this guy, only u can
decide what to do, just like in my
situation I know that I may never really
be happily with this man but I know I
wouldnt be happy without him either. And
dont let others put u down for being with
him, if he was completely happy at home
and if his wife was doing her job to make
him happy, he wouldnt be out looking for
others, right? Just follow your heart
good
luck!!!
|
phil dennison
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2003 Posts: 71 Location: illinois
Dr.dennison Posted: 11-16-03 22:12pm
If he does love you eneough to break up
with his wife, marry him,have a good
lifel.While your shopping at wal-mart
maybe he can find anthor girl freind and
marry her! :d
|
expectingjoshua
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Dec 2003 Posts: 30 Location: Canada
He's Not Worth It Girl! Posted: 12-15-03 16:52pm
If your lover was really that, someone
that loved you, he wouldn't be involved in
any way with this wife of his, separated
or not! My fiance and I ahve been
together for 18 motnhs, and for 8 of those
he was still technically married to his
now ex! But he made sure I knew how much
he loved me, and the only connection he
kept to her was for the sake of the 5yo
son they have together.
Let him go. He obviously isn't worth the
effort you are being required to put in,
nor the heartache!
|
saturn24
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Nov 2003 Posts: 205 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa
Posted: 12-16-03 22:59pm
I really liked your response phil.
O.K, I don't know either of you girls who
are seeing married men, but the following
is just my opinion.
Number one, he is married, and not to
you.
Number two, he hasn't left his wife for
you.
Number three, even if he does leave his
wife, he will end up leaving you too when
he finds something he considers better.
Number three, he tells you he loves you
and you know that it is true, but his wife
also knows that he loves her. (think
about that)
he just wants his cake and eat it to. And
you are letting him do that.
I am not saying that a married person
cannot fall out of love with their spouse
and into love with someone else.
However, not at the same time. Wake up.
You deserve much better. You need a man
who really loves you and is willing to
devote his life to you and only you. Of
course you are jealous, but technically he
belongs to his wife, not you.
|
shannonwatts
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2003 Posts: 46 Location: charlotte, nc
Naico. Posted: 01-22-04 17:03pm
I don't mean to sound harsh, but what you
are doing is wrong. Does marriage not
mean anything to you people anymore? You
left your husband for this man? Boy, that
was smart. I have no respect for people
like you. I doubt he's going to leave his
wife for you, and if he does, do you
honestly think he'll be faithful to you?
I sure hope he didn't have any kids.
|
autumn24
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2004 Posts: 39 Location: new brunswick
Naico Posted: 01-27-04 11:33am
I can't pretend to understand the gay
portion of your problem. But I do
understand the rape and the married part.
A few years ago I was set up with someone
through coworkers and everyone thought he
was divorced as did I till I found out he
still lived with her and that they weren't
even separated let alone divorced. By
the time I found out, I loved him so much
it hurt, I couldn't bare to spend the
nights without him-i was willing to do
anything for him. After being together
for a year I decided I needed to let him
go because he wasn't leaving her no matter
what he said there was always a reason why
he couldn't. It's been two years and I
still love him, he will always be the love
of my life but I would never go back to
him nor do I regret my decision. I only
hope that I can love someone else as much
as I love him. When making your decision
remember that you can't always follow your
heart sometimes you have to do what your
head tells you to do.
|
Guest
Guest
Re: My Lover Is Married!!!!! Posted: 01-29-04 10:42am
naicol
wrote:
we have been together for 1
year 4 months but my lover is married. I
am broken hearted and the jealousy is
killing me. Help! What should I do???
what did you do?
Have you found that you are more worth it
than 2nd?
|
kat6963420
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 38 Location: ohio
Posted: 04-20-04 13:19pm
If you have a baby somwhere else and your
wondering if you should go there because
of this guy then dont. Your baby should
come first. It may be hard but if this
guy hasn't broken ties with his wife and
is still married then he could still have
feelings for her. You need to be
completely honest with him and if they are
sperated and have no plans of getting back
together and if he cares for you then he
would file for a divorce. Be honest with
him and yourself.
|
nice2beeme
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Apr 2004 Posts: 7 Location: Maryland
Posted: 04-25-04 18:06pm
Did you know before that he was married?
If not then leave. If yes what is the
problem. What is making you jealous?
Girl go with the flow.
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 05-02-04 02:34am
That is horrible.
As I said in my original post. If he is
married, and not to you, then you should
not be with him. It is so very wrong.
And, he is not going to leave her. Even
if he did, what makes you honestly think
that he will not leave you when someone
"better" comes along.
The reason men like him are the way that
they are is because women like you let
them be. It is disgusting.
|
no man no cry
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2004 Posts: 4 Location: england
Wat Do You Do? Posted: 07-18-04 06:05am
L dont think some ladies they fall in love
with married man knowingly coz this
married man they lie that they not married
and most of the times you will realise it
later when you are already involed with
him. So lets say you ask him and he says
he is not and later on you find out that
he is wat do you do? And will that be
your fault?
|
2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 07-19-04 00:31am
If you did not know that he was married
then to it isn't your "fault"
but, he lied to you about something very
important, so you should leave him. That
is what I would do.
|
JanetBee
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Apr 2004 Posts: 332
Posted: 07-21-04 11:28am
It's so easy to see things in black and
white when they aren't happening to you.
But being involved with a married man goes
one of two ways -- either he leaves his
wife straight away, or he never does.
Does anyone have any experience to
contradict that?
A few years ago, I met up again with a man
i'd been desperately in love with when I
was 20. He'd been in a relationship then,
and we never actually got together. He
happened to be visiting the city I was
living in, and I was grown up and totally
over it by then, so we arranged to meet up
for a drink. Well, he told me his
marriage was very unhappy, etc etc. We
still got along incredibly well, and I
still found him really attractive, and we
met up again the next day and he says he
realises he's in love with me! He said he
would go home and tell his wife it was
over and he wanted to be with me. But
somehow it was never the right time. He
came to visit me a few times over the next
year, and we met up in another city where
we both had business, and we telephoned
all the time, and it was all really
romantic and felt so right! I started to
make plans to move to his city, and so
on...Until it finally dawned on me that he
just didn't have the guts or something. I
told him i'd never gotten involved with
him to be his mistress! To be alone on my
birthday, to be alone at new years eve, to
not be able to talk to him when I needed
to, only when it was "safe" for him. So I
ended it.
A few months later I met a man that I got
on very well with. I knew he was married,
and very unhappy. Suddenly we realised we
were really good together...And he went
home, told his wife he was leaving, and
did it that day. Five years later we are
still blissfully happy together.
The truth is that there are a lot of
unhappy marriages out there. You can't
break up a happy marriage. And not every
affair breaks up an unhappy marriage --
and sometimes when someone has an affair,
they can go back and make their marriage
work much better, somehow realising what
went wrong.
But if you are involved with a married man
(or woman) and they are stringing you
along -- forget it, it ain't gonna happen.
You will lose years off your life, and
all your self-respect while they have
their cake and eat it.
I
really need it. I have been praying to
get some higher power to shine some light
on me but I love her.
