How Do You Get Over the Past? Posted: 02-05-05 13:41pm
This is my second question on the forum
board. I just want advice on how to stop
holding grudges. I can't seem to let go
of my boyfriend cheating on me as you may
have read in my other question. I cant
trust him for everything he has done to me
and he says that until I can learn how to
let go of our past and look to the future
it will never work out. I cant trust him
to I know he isnt going to hurt me again.
But I still think that he might. How do
you let go of the past hurts in your
relationship and move forward?
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Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 02-05-05 20:40pm
First off, your boyfriend is half right.
You never let go of the past, or discard
it. The past makes the present, and what
he did can very well happen again.
Instead of "forgetting" the past, you have
to accept the past, and accept this this
guy can possibly cheat on you again. No
matter what happens, how "cozy" and
"comfortable" he makes you feel that he
won't do it again, you have to keep it as
a possibility. You need to accept this
as a part of the relationship world, not
only with him, but with anyone. Don't
expect the worst, but accept that it can
happen.
I have to commend you for taking him back
though. It's something not many people
can do. Cheating is the single most
insulting thing anyone can do to you, or
your integrity. By going back you are
accepting that insult. Something not
many people can do easily. So, good for
you for being able to do this and still
try to make it work out.
You need to tell your boyfriend to stop
pinning the blame of this on you, that if
"you" don't let go of the past, it won't
work out. It's his responsibility, as
the man who cheated on you, to put that
extra effort in to regain your trust.
You can't just let thing go and trust him
out of no where. Trust is gained in
time, and you can only trust him, if he
gives you reason to trust him. Period.
