Just Got Out of An Abusive Relationship, And I More Fat

I just ended a very very unhealthy relationship.

My boyfriend started getting so angry with me, and it only escaleted

things he would say, or respond to is so unrealistic, off the wall, coming out of left field....

I had never been in an abusive relationship prior.

I had nothing really in my psyche to fully understand, until I was in thick of it.

Now my eyes are open and my mind is quite clear.

I wanted to save him, help him, make things so nice for him
i walked on eggshells, I smiled while I hid everything inside
i am well over 50 pounds overweight and most of it I gained with him

i don't even know how I gained 35+ pounds in 3 months!!!!!!!!!!
No, I am not pregnant. I am taking the pill, but you can't gain that much weight from the birth control pill, I even know that... :cry:

anyways, I did not put myself first, I thought I loved him, was in love with him, but now it was a waste of time, well, now I am a more educated person about warning signs of abuse, and my self esteem, and my part in it too, that I walked on eggshells...

I put up with it, cause when it was good, oh it was so good, fun, silly, loving, so much fun and laughter....
That was why

i will miss making love to him

but he broke things of mine, he would yell at me so much and curse
he would get in my face and yell, when I at his house, the last time
he discounted the phones and hid them,

i almost broke his door, cause it was locked with the key, and I felt trapped.
( god, I hope he doesn't send me the bill for that , I have no money right now, I am at the near poverty level right now and live with family, it is so pathetic)

anyways, as long as my now x-boyfriend leaves me alone and goes his seperate way forever
and I lose weight and become healthy and I can move around easier

then this whole experience will be ok, and not a life long living nightmare.

If you are into prayer and or reiki, please send positive energy my way, as I am still concerned that he will try to make my life difficult, or unsafe.