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Q: My Bf Thinks This Baby Is a Mistake:(
asked by: redsugar on February 10th, 2005
Experienced User
I just drove six hours to see my boyfriend and when I got here all he has done was tell me how this is ruining our lives. Im almost 22 and he's 24 years old, it's not like we are so young and can't do it on our own.

When I found out I was pregnant I agreed with him that I would get an abortion, on my way there I prayed that something would happen and it wouldn't happen, well it did, and they wouldn't accept checks. So after a long fight w/ my boyfriend he accepted the fact that I was keeping it.

Well now i'm really excited about the baby, but he isn't. He doesn't plan on living w/ me and he doesn't even wanna move anywhere around me and he says that if I live w/ him that he can't support me and the baby and I would have to get a job, but I couldn't b/c I would have to take care of the baby. He just doesn't understand, I want my baby to have it's daddy, but I don't think he cares...

Has anybody been through this? I'm hoping his attitude will change once the baby is here.
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2ferano
replied on February 10th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
It is great that you are excited. His attitude probably will not change. That isn't what you want to hear, I know, but it probably wont. Or he will be one of the guys, who after you support and raise the baby on your own for the first six or eight years, then they will come around and be all buddy buddy to the kid. Ya know, superdad! Grrrr. Men.
Anyway, you can do it on your own, dear. You sound mature enough to make it. If he really thinks that this is "ruining your lives" then he should have thought about that before you two had sex.
Just make it known (which I am sure that you have) that you want him to be part of the baby's life and that he is welcome to see the baby when he wants and just go from there. Maybe he will change his mind once the baby is here, but just don't get your hopes up, that's all.
Good luck to you and congratulations!
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southernluvin
replied on February 10th, 2005
New User
I hate when boys be actin like that. My boyfriend and I got caught up in the moment and then he asked me if I planned for this to happen. But then he later apologized and said that all these things were running through his head.
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l2at24
replied on February 10th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
He may come around. I'm sorry you're going through that. Being pregnant is hard and you need the from the people you love. I hope you have other family that is there for you. Just try to keep him involved. Tell him about your appts, show him pics, share info from the doc. If he really gets angry when you try to keep him posted, don't push him. The most important person is the baby. Regardless of what happens, keep daddy in a positive light. Take care.
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jessamyn
replied on February 11th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Babe i'm sorry but if he doesnt want the baby then he doesnt want the baby and he may not change his opinion on that... But you can to work and raise a child
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BrianBaby
replied on February 11th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
There's always child support....
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redsugar
replied on February 11th, 2005
Experienced User
Very true brianbaby! But now he is being sweet about the baby. I think last night I was just having an emotional breakdown b/c he said that just b/c I was pregnant doesn't mean it's gonna speed up the process of us getting married. Which I didn't expect it to, but u would think if he eventually one day wants to marry me that he would wanna do even sooner now. Oh well...
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Newmommy23
replied on February 11th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
I am glad that he is being nicer now. I went through a similar situation with my x. When I first got pregnant we were both scared then happy and then he decided he wanted nothing to do w/me or his baby. Now he wants to be there for his birth and hear about my appointments and stuff. I think things work out in the end as god intends. Goodluck sweetie.

Ps you should not use the fact they didn't take checks as to why u chose not to have an abortion. I think you should really want to keep the baby and that should be why. (i don't believe in abortion and am in no way supporting it)!!
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redsugar
replied on February 11th, 2005
Experienced User
Newmommy that isn't really my reason why I didn't have one. Its my reason why I didn't have one that day, I actually made an appointment to have it done a different day, but I realized I couldn't go through with it. I have never believed in abortions, but when I got pregnant my bf kept making me feel bad and I was in a confused state of mind. But luckily I came to my sinces and i'm very excited now!!!
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lil_blaze2004
replied on February 11th, 2005
Moderator
Red. Glad you decided to keep the baby. Tell us about yourself. How far along are you, etc...
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BrianBaby
replied on February 11th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
redsugar wrote:
very true brianbaby! But now he is being sweet about the baby. I think last night I was just having an emotional breakdown b/c he said that just b/c I was pregnant doesn't mean it's gonna speed up the process of us getting married. Which I didn't expect it to, but u would think if he eventually one day wants to marry me that he would wanna do even sooner now. Oh well...


well i'm glad he's being better about the baby.....He's probably just really overwhelmed right now and the thought of having a baby and getting married is scaring him......Just hang in there hun!! Good luck!! :)
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redsugar
replied on February 11th, 2005
Experienced User
Well....21 yrs old, and I am tomorrow I will be exactly 10 weeks. I'm sooo excited about this baby. But I know it's gonna be hard. I had to drop out of college so I can get a job for now, i'm living w/ my parents, they are pretty supportive, my sis got pregnant when she was 17 so they weren't too mad at me. That's a little bit about myself....Oh and I am obsessed with these boards, I even go and read the posts from like a year ago!!!!!Hehe!
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lil_blaze2004
replied on February 11th, 2005
Moderator
Yes obsession with these boards is quite common..Lol as for school, you can go back after. As for your parents it's great that they are supportive of you. As for the bf. I guess all I can say is wait and see. Good luck!
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lulabelle
replied on February 11th, 2005
New User
Sorry but your bf sounds like he only cares about himself. Congratulations, a baby is a wonderful gift that so many people take for granted... You can let your bf know that he can be a part of the baby's life, it's his decison if he is or not, and by the sounds of it, he probably won't be. I know from experience. I have a 10 yr. Old daughter, my bf at the time wanted me to get preg. I went off birth control, and got preg. We were living together, the night I told him I was preg. He moved out and has never laid eyes on my daughter. I have worked, and supported my daughter on my own and she is a wonderful child. It hasn't been easy, and luckily I found a man who not only loves me, but loves my daughter like she is his... You will find this too. Remeber, the lord will never put more on you than you can handle. I know you are probably scared and nervous at the thought of being on your own with a child, but if your bf has that kind of attitude, you are better off without him.. Believe me!! Been there and done that!!
Don't worry sweetie, it will all work out. If you need to talk let me know... I know how you feel and what you are going thru...
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