Should You End It With Someone Over Money....please Help Me! Posted: 02-11-05 09:33am
Hi, I need your help, your opinions from
the outside would be greatly appreciated!
I have been with my (now fiance) for 4
years, he's slightly older than me and has
two children from a previous relationship.
I have found that over the years he lies
to me about money, the mortgage is in my
name and I found out the other day that I
have been giving him my half to pay the
mortgage and he hasnt been paying it and
using my money to pay off debts in his
name, he seems to have no regard for
finance/mortgage in my name. He was also
hiding reminder letters from my mortgage
company saying that I will get defaulted
all these letters were addressed to me and
he's been hiding them in fear that I will
find out....But I am the one who will get
in trouble!!!!!!!!!!!! Ive also found out
that he is in a lot of debt, he has so
many loans yet still tries to get
more...He's terrible wioth money and it
scares me!!!!! Since he has been getting
me in trouble with my mortgage (and I
didnt know about it) he asked me to marry
him and tried to get me to sign a
declaration of trust to confirm what he
would get should things go wrong (so he
obviously thought that if I found out we
would split..I dont know?!!) I dont want
to live my life paying off debt and since
I have been with him there hasnt been a
year that has gone by when something bad
financially has happened.
Also, he's not the most affectionate
boyfriend and considering he lies to me
about money and things that he has brought
(and not just little things...One was a
15k van!) it makes me wonder if he really
loves me.
On the other hand we have the same sense
of humour, we laugh all the time and we
get on well and most importantly I love
him. But should you leave someone if you
love them....Is that dangerous?!
I know he hasnt done this to me to spite
me, he has always been this way, before he
met me! I just dont want to live my whole
life paying off debt and being broke, I
have a good job, work hard and am on good
money, so I feel it is unfair to me. I
know financially I will be better off, but
I love him....What do I do?!!!!!!!!!
I have confronted him and I have been
staying at my sisters house, but I just
dont know what to do. He says he loves
and I really do love him, but now I cant
trust him. We have fun together and he is
my best friend.
Should you end a relationship with someone
if you still love them?
Is money a good enough reason to end a
relationship?
Please help me, I dont know what to do?
|
cagewench
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Feb 2005 Posts: 1 Location: Canada
Posted: 02-11-05 19:22pm
I am in a similar situation though it
involves my husband (and our child) and I
would say get out now.
Love does not conquer all.
Though I am still working on my sitch...
Cagewench
|
Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Posted: 02-13-05 19:30pm
Get out and don't look back.
On the surface this looks like you're
breaking up over money. Realistically
you're breaking up because he's not
responsible, lacking stability, and has
deceived you on multiple occasions.
If you're going to get married, stability
is extremely important.
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sarahk
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 26 Jan 2005 Posts: 108 Location: England
Posted: 02-14-05 04:22am
Thanks guys for your replies. I have been
preparing my house ready for lodgers to
move in, but i'm so scared! I cant
imagine my life without him.
The worst part is, is that I have never
seen him so upset! He knows we are going
our seperate ways and has accepted this
but we have spent the best couple of days
together and its going to be so hard
saying goodbye.
He never cries...Ever...Yet he was crying
so hard, he's scared that he's lost me and
he says he doesnt want anyone else but me.
He has even said that he will sell his
van, and give me total control over his
finances to help sort out his
spending....I dont know what to do. I
wish things could work out. If he didnt
have this problem with money he would be
my ideal man...The man who I would want to
spend the rest of my life with.
|
Pilleus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2004 Posts: 109 Location: Florida
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 06-15-05 06:42am
Sounds to me like he's just grasping at
straws to keep you and your money.
