Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 23 Location: Sunnyvale, California
Body Image & the Scale Posted: 11-01-03 21:44pm
I have
had this eating disorder (anorexia) for
all of my adult life --- 30 years now. I
go through periods when I am really sick
& starving, then I get some recovery
but am still obsessed & neurotic about
my body & eating only the "right"
foods. I have stopped weighing myself
because I felt too afraid of gaining
anything at all. I have been
hospitalized twice in the past 8 years.
The issue, as I see it, is that this is
not just my personal problem. I feel that
our entire society has an eating disorder,
a weird skewed idea of what a woman's body
should look like. At the supermarket
check-out stands, the magazines feature
these impossibly slim models along with
articles about the latest 'lose 10 lbs.
In 10 minutes by eating celery soup' diet.
Although I have a full life in many
respects --- nice family, good job --- I
still measure much of my self-worth with
my body. Whenever I eat a little more and
add a few inches to my frame, so that I
actually start to have curves instead of
bones sticking out everywhere, I panic and
go back to the starvation.
Everyone around me --- my husband,
parents, therapist, nutritionist --- tells
me I need to eat more and get to a healthy
weight. But the fear of getting fat, the
self-hatred I have for my bigger body, is
so strong that I cann't seem to do what I
know would help heal me. Instead I
listen to the messages I get from the
media and stay in my illness, unhappy but
skinny.
As for the scale, my husband thinks I
should weigh myself regularly to get a
realistic picture of my body and to deal
with the weight gain in a rational way
rather than imagining that i've put on 20
lbs. Because I ate an extra-large apple.
(he's an engineer with a very practical
mind). I'm not sure whether that would
help or hurt me. I'm afraid the scale,
which i've avoided for years, would just
become one more number to absess about,
like calories and fat grams.
Does anyone out there use the scale in a
positive way? Does anyone have ideas
about getting over the magazine model
comparison problem?
Please let me know your opinions. I could
use some good advice.
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aleve777
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Oct 2003 Posts: 6 Location: Nowhere
Posted: 11-02-03 13:40pm
Personally, I know I shouldn't have a
scale. I'm anorexic and I weigh myself
about 10-15 times a day. I wake up in the
middle of the night, more than once, to
see how much weight i've lost (i bought a
scale that says your weight in incriments
of .2lbs). I even know that this isn't
real "weight" that i've lost but just
seeing the numbers go down is so
gratifying, it makes it easier for me to
starve myself.
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CrombieChic16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 745
Posted: 12-01-03 14:58pm
I weigh myself every morning when I wake
up and repeatedly throughout the day...I
need to see the numbers on the scale so
that I know what im doing is working, if I
get on the scale and it goes up but an
inch I wont eat that day until it goes
back down...But then there are days where
I feel ive eaten too much and wont go on
the scale until 2-3 days after not eating
to see the numbers lowered. I'm petrified
of gaining weight and will do anything to
stop it from happening. Technically im
not anorexic, but my mind is focused on
one thing, getting skinnier. Thats the
only thing I care about, losing weight.
You can never be too skinny in my mind, I
won't stop until I get down to 100lbs....I
was at 105 but gained 5lbs and refuse to
eat until I lose that again. Then i'll
eat half an apple each day to keep my
energy level up....Im determined to reach
my goal weight, and the scale to me,
pushes me when I see that ive lost a
pound, it makes it easier, like aleve
said, to starve myself.
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Darling
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 875
Posted: 12-03-03 11:31am
Crombie you certainly do have an eating
disorder and if you don't think so then
your in denial and fooling yourself. I
have anorexia/bulimia
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CrombieChic16
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Oct 2003 Posts: 745
Posted: 12-03-03 11:38am
Darling,
i guess I am in denial...I've thought
about telling my mom how I feel because at
times it feels like it's too much to bare
anymore by myself, but I know once I tell
her, that means everybody will watch my
weight which means I won't be able to lose
those 5-10lbs when im feeling fat, and I
can't do that, my body is the one thing I
can make better by myself, and I don't
think I can give that up.
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Darling
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Sep 2003 Posts: 875
Posted: 12-03-03 13:43pm
*delete*
Last edited by Darling on 10-22-05 14:04pm; edited 2 times in total
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purple333
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Dec 2003 Posts: 1420 Location: Sydney
Posted: 12-04-03 09:27am
Our family has been on a massive learning
curve over the last 7 months since our
daughter was diagnosed with anorexia
nervosa.
What no-one told us (till we started
searching the net!!) was that there are
lots & lots of other problems
(medical/hormonal/neurological etc) that
can cause weight loss & then go on to be
like anorexia.
You know you best, but do some research &
see if anything might be more you than
anorexia nervosa.
I have
had this eating disorder (anorexia) for
all of my adult life --- 30 years now. I
go through periods when I am really sick
& starving, then I get some recovery
but am still obsessed & neurotic about
my body & eating only the "right"
foods. I have stopped weighing myself
because I felt too afraid of gaining
anything at all. I have been
hospitalized twice in the past 8 years.
