Hope

Hi there! I used to come into this forum alot because it really helped me when I couldn't turn to anyone else for help, I didn't really want help. A year has almost gone by now and I am finally in recovery :d I have had a very tough year, over the past few months I have taken several overdoses because I thought I was helpless, I really believed no one could help me. I took my last overdose last week and I can say that I will not take anymore. I have been in therapy since last june and although I was very against getting better, finally I realise I can and I will. I am living to be free, I am living to live because over the past few years I have not being living just exciting. I am only 17 and I have gone through so much, I have learnt so much about life and its great. I go to therapy everyday and I have been in the hostipal a number of times. I can tell you its not a great experience and I would encourage anyone to stay as far away as possible but if it is needed then go. I am so happy that I have finally realised that I can recover from this destructive disease. I am worth the fight and I deserve to live.
Over the past few years I have put my family through hell without even meaning to and it wasn't fare although I didn't mean to do it and I know it wasn't my fault, I never asked to have an eating disorder. I would love to help someone realise that there is so much more to life than this. An eating disorder or eating distress is about the negative mind and how much it takes over the positive mind,, making you feel so low in yourself and making you feel worthless. We let this negavtity take over us but we can choose to let it go, we can choose to take control of our own thoughts our own feelings. Even though I knew I had to choose I never wanted to. I was too scared to let go of my thinking because its all i've none for so long and I was and still am terrified of the unknown. Please don't make the mistake of thinking that I am better becuase I am not, I just now know that I can get better. I would love to share that feeling of hope you all of you because its a great feeling. Before I experienced the feeling of hope I was so low, so down all I wanted to do was die. I felt like those people who stand on the street and shout that the world is ending, their world is ending and they are terrified but no one ever listens, people just walk by them. Thats how I felt I was screaming at people telling them that my world was ending and no one could hear me, I was terrified that no one would ever hear me but the thing is they did, I just was not listening to myself. I know this is a long post but I just want to share the hope. There is so much hope and when you realise it is there because it is just just have to look hard enough for it, then you can start to believe in yourself and in others. Hope is so important because at the end of the day if you don't believe in hope than whats the point. Take it from me hope does exist, you do have hope you just have to find it. If anyone has any questions for me please do write and I will reply even if its the following week ok. I wish you all the best of look. Please start to believe in yourself and remember all of you deserve to recover all of you deserve to live. :) . I hope to write again.

Lostoyou :!: