Sometimes in life I think there comes a
point where you either move forward or
don't move at all. I've gotten to that
point and I am in big trouble. I don't
want to recover anymore and I just want to
die. I hate this stupid disorder, its the
worst thing thats ever happened to me and
its ruined my life yet why am I still here
with this stupid thing living it everyday
and rather dying that getting better. I
am so confused and I wonder if I am just
someone who can't recover from this am I
so different that I am the only one who
can't get better, I am the only one hope
doesn't exist for? I am so lost and so
frightened I don't know what to do
anymore. I am scared.
Life is so strange and I don't understand
it one bit. My life is so messed up and I
don't know how it got this way I don't
know what i've done to deserve this. I
must be such a bad person. When I was a
child my mam would beat me up and I was
just thinking if she did that to me when I
was that young maybe its because she knew
that I was a bad person from a young age
and now I am just realising it for myself.
Why was I born like this? I shouldn't be
here if I am so bad. I tried to kill
myself a number of times and I want to do
it properly. No one deserves to know me,
no one deserves to be hurt by me. :cry:
i just don't know what to do now. Should
I give up, just I just let go and get it
over with or should I hang on just to see
what happenens. I really don't want to
die but I can't see what else there is
left to do. I've got nothing and no one
and I am so afraid that life wil be like
this forever, I don't want to live like
this forever. My mind is racing so fast
between taking tablets just to get it over
with and then not taking them and living.
What should I do. Help me someone, please
help me! :cry:
sorry I know no one can help me but myself
your kind of just listening to my head and
the conflict thats there at the moment.
It should go away I hope. I am just very
lost at the moment and i'm going through
alot, just finding it difficult to cope.
It will turn out for the best, life is
funny that way, it helps you along without
you even realising it. Already I have
survived this week and I didn't think I
would so life is ok sometimes. :?
Thanks to anyone who read my little freak
attack but nothing lasts forever and
neither will my feeling of dying and
taking tablets, I hope.
Lostoyou :roll:
|
mshanson
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Nov 2004 Posts: 102 Location: California
Posted: 03-06-05 23:44pm
Hang in there --- "this too shall pass".
I think you know that you are worth
surviving or you wouldn't have reached out
to the forum. Thanks for sharing your
feelings --- we all feel desperate
sometimes. Please go talk to someone in
person to help you, because you don't need
to go on feeling this way. You are just
very sad & starved. You will feel
better someday, I know it! Don't give up!
|
lulabunny
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2005 Posts: 4 Location: georgia
Live Or Die? Posted: 03-28-05 16:59pm
I have to say your story is much like my
sisters.She passed away by taking her own
life cause she had tried to kill herself
several times and she only ended up in a
institution and would be o.K. For a week
or so then bacvk to the same old ways.I
watched her suffer and have to say at the
end I turned my back on her and regret it
sooo much today.If you need someone to
talk to please e-mail me I want make that
mistake ever again.I to have a eatting
disorder.And I want to help you if I can.I
can say that I love you even though I
don't know you I have been there and you
need to hear that and know that you are
worth alot. Shelly
