Should I Have a Baby..

Yes, dear you did say you needed government assistance and therefore, cannot afford to care for your child! I don't understand why you cannot comprehend that.
I am not the one who is uneducated in the ways of the world. You are trying to act like someday I will learn this and that when I already am hardworking and intelligent enough not to get pregnant and depend on government assistance. Once you take that step, then maybe you can try to talk down to me.
I come from a hard working middle class family who understands that government assistance is there for people who absolutely need it and they waited until they could afford to care for us to get pregnant. Not you, you are planning a pregnancy when you cannot afford it. Yes, formula is expensive. But anyone who plans a pregnancy and has respect for themselves and others makes sure they can afford the formula on their own before they conceive.
If there are no good jobs in your area and you and your fiance (which by the way he is either your fiance or your husband, not both) cannot find a job that will be enough to support your family then maybe you should consider moving.
You see, in the real world, people do what they have to do to get by on their own before ever accepting assistance. Yes, I believe that 99% of parents would love for one of them to be home full time with the children, but they those respectable ones understand that being able to support their family comes first.
When the day comes that I want children I will make sure I have the money to care for them.
I am not young or stupid and I know that life doesn't always go the way you want it to. In fact, it hardly every does. But that doesn't mean you rely on other people to support you instead of getting out there and getting a job to support yourself and your family.
It would be different if you were already pregnant and you or your fiance got fired or something. Then I can understand collecting assistance. But to plan for a child when you know you cannot afford it, that is a completely different story.

You know, hotasfrick, you sure act like you are all that and that you think you are perfect. Guess what, tons of people have babies and need assistance. Many people use the system. I don’t feel what I am planning to do is wrong. I want to make sure I can care for my baby and at least I will be feeding my baby. I’m not above getting help if I need it. And I am not selfish for wanting to stay home with my child. I feel that there is more to life than money. Yeah, we can’t afford everything we would like and we have to buy some stuff used. On the other hand by being here with my daughter she is very smart and very beautiful. I couldn’t imagine throwing her into a daycare and letting someone else raise her. There are so many children just tossed aside cause all the parents care about is money. Well, money don’t buy happiness. I know so many people who comment on how smart my little girl is. She would have never learned so much in a daycare. Never. She never goes without either. My little girl get’s so many things she wants as I always put her before myself. And you have the nerve to call me selfish! I am a great mother and being an at home mom doesn’t make be a bad person. I have loved being here with her and getting to see her grow. I got to see her roll over for the first time, say her first word, take her first steps.... I get to spend quality time with her everyday, playing , learning, and having fun. My daughter and I have a close bond. And I wish you wouldn’t tell me how to live my life. You act like you know me. When I got my divorce there is a line in the divorce agreement that I can’t move more than 50 miles away from my ex. So you telling us to move for jobs doesn’t really work does it? Oh and maybe you shouldn’t put everyone on assistance down. In fact there is a new post up right now with a girl who’s on it and having problems, are you going to run her down too? I don’t even understand why you are on these boards. You say you have never been pregnant....Teen pregnancy.....Don’t really make sense. I’ve read what you write to people. You talk like you know everything but you hadn’t been here. You don’t have children....You’ve never had to provide for a kid. You don’t know the cost , you don’t know what it takes. Sorry but it’s really hard to take advice from a childless know it all who really has never been there. I had my daughter at 18. My ex didn’t help at all. I was in an abusive, controlling relationship and went through hell. Until I met my fiancee I was on my own financially and emotionally. I’ve been down that road. I’ve been married and divorced. I know what life is about. No one is handing me anything. I’m sure you have family in a really nice home and everything you want....But maybe you should remember not everyone gets everything they want.

There are teenage moms out there right now that are having to make the sacrifice of putting there children into a daycare facility and not stay at home with them, so that they can somewhat on their own provide for their child. And not to be rude but this is what it comes down to. This same hard working mom who really dosn't want to be working, just like you, is now helping to pay for your health care and food too through taxes, just because you don't want to get a job. It's the truth.

You really need to get a clue. Calling me a know it all is just making you look even worse. I am not and have not put anyone on assitance down! How many times do I have to say that there is nothing wrong with getting assitance if you need it but it is quite different to plan a pregnancy when you know you can't afford it? "money don't buy happiness" (and you plan to homeschool your daughter? Wow.) yeah, try telling that to the people who are supporting your child. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be home with your child, I have said this many times also, but you choose to ignore all key points as you know I am right. However, it is wrong to get pregnant on purpose when you know you can't afford it, collect assistance and instead of getting a job, staying at home. You don't have to put your children in daycare! For the love of god, pay attention! You can work a different shift than your fiance like the respectable people who need money to raise their children do.
So, you can't move more than 50 miles away? Big deal. Unless you live in the desert or in the vast farmlands, I am sure there is a town or two over in which you and your husband could find good employment. But, I am sure you have a problem with that also as all you do is make excuses to not get off of your butt and get a job.
People most likely comment on how smart your little girl is because they feel obligated. It is all you seem to talk about (instead of ignoring the fact that other mothers, fathers and single people trying to make it have to work extra hours or a second or third job because you and people like you are collecting their tax money!). It is the same as when someone says, "oh look how cute she is.....Blah blah" of course, you feel obligated to say, "oh, yeah, she is cute." try not bragging about how you made your daughter so smart and see if so many people comment.

For you information it doesn't matter that I do not have children. You got pregnant at 18? So what. I used protection and didn't. That doesn't mean I know nothing of children. For your information I supported a little girl from the time she was 6 months until she was 6. Yes, because her parents instead of getting jobs chose to stay home and collect taxpayers money. I know the cost, and I chose to help by working. Yeah, imagine that getting two or three jobs. Hmmmmm. I have every right to be in this forum and have helped many. I have been here way longer than you and you look pretty silly coming on here calling me names simply because you cannot make a valid point, and saying I know nothing of the issue. The reason you, "cannot take advice from (me)" isn't because I don't have children and know nothing of the issue and you know it. It is because you know I am right and it isn't what you want to hear.

And on that last note.....I am not a spoiled little rich witch. As I said in a previous post (as you also choose to ignore) I come from a hardworking middle class family who instilled the values of working and supporting your own family not depending on someone else to do it. I bought my first house at 19. Yes, I bought it. No one helped me. I could have had help, yeah, but I chose to work for what I have. Everything I have and have ever had I bought with money I worked for. I starting buying my own school clothes at 13 and the only money I had to go out with friends, etc. Was the money I earned.
Yeah, I live in a house. Not a freakin mansion like you are thinking. Just because I know better than to plan a pregnancy with other people's money doesn't mean I was born into money or spoiled. On the contrary, I work as many jobs as it takes to pay my bills on my own. And at least I can respect myself and know that no one is suffering because of my laziness.
So, insult all you want. You are totally wrong and by the way a very bad debator!

Thank you! Very, very true!

No, I chose to not take advice from you cause you think your way is the only right way....And frankly I do understand what your saying and you did get it right when I say i'm not listening to you. And it is still different supporting your own child than someone elses.

Whatever. Just remember that your laziness and selfishness is costing others money. Others who work hard for everything they have, and other mothers who would love to be home with their children but can't because they are supporting yours. Yes, I know you are not listening to me and we both know it is because you know I am right. I do not think my way is the only way. But, I do know that I would not have very much respect for my mother if she planned to get pregnant with me knowing she couldn't afford it. What if they change the requirements to collect assistance? What if you can't collect it anymore? How will you then feed this baby that you have to have right now?

That would be my biggest fear of relying on gov't assistance.....What if funding drops? I'm really not trying to put you down or anything, I just think it's important to realize everything in the picture. Many people work hard to support their babies, and have to pay taxes that are taken directly out of their paychecks to support other people who don't feel like working. Like I said, I also would love to stay home with my child at all times, but I cannot afford that luxury.

Dont ask for opinions if you cant take them.

I already typed this, and idk what happend but something didnt work so I have to type this again. To sum it up:

dont be selfish and bring another person into this world if you know you cant afford it out of your own pocket. People who actually need to get on welfare need it more than you. You can wait to have another kid. No one is saying you're a bad mom, nor are they saying their parents give them everything they want because mine sure as hell dont. If you cant afford to feed another mouth and to clothe another body, than dont. If you absolutely need government funding than thats okay, but to use it to your own advantage is just downright selfish. And are you trying to say that people in public school arent as smart as your daughter? Because my little cousin is in first grade and in 4th grade level..And she goes to public school. It doesnt make her in the "wrong crowd," as long as your daughter puts her studies first, then theres no reason she cant go to public school. You're just finding excuses not to get a damn job. Not trying to choose sides, no one said hotasfrick's way was the right way, you're choosing to take her opinion and portray it as a personal attack at your life and how you've lived it. You want our opinion, you got it; wait until you and your fiance have enough money to support another kid--clothes, diapers, food, and toys included.

Omg! I just typed a whole freakin page and it didn't take!Grrrr.

Anyway, I shall try this again although I am not happy about it....

There were a couple of comments you made in your next to last post to which I did not respond and now I must. You said that supporting someone else's child isn't the same as supporting your own. How do you know? Have you ever supported someone else's child. I thought not. Supporting a child financiall whether yours or not cost the same amount and the remark you made regarding this was very uneducated to say the lease.

Another comment you made was that when your daughter wants something you make sure that she gets it. Well, have you ever thought that instead of buying that extra toy that she wants but does not need you could save that money for this new baby you are hell bent on having? Instead of buying her things she does not need, but depending on others to pay for the baby's food and healthcare why not stop buying the unneccessary things and use your money wisely. Yes, everyone would love to give their child everything they need and want, but when you can't afford it then you don't. You do not buy your child a toy you cannot afford but then make food be given to you. That is not right at all. My parents were far from rich and we didn't get every little thing we wanted. In fact, we had few toys and most were hand-me-downs, but we had food and clothing that my parents worked to pay for. They did not spoil us and then depend on others to pay for our survival.

I do want to add that I am not judging you. Do I agree with what you are doing? Do I think it is right? Certainly not. But, I am not you and you have every right to make your own decisions. I am very sorry that you were in an abusive relationship and have experienced hardship firsthand. I do not mean to sound as thought I am heartless and do not care as that is not the case. I do not wish anyone to suffer. But that is also the same reason why I am so against this decision. In making your decision, other will suffer.
I ask that you please consider what you are doing. No, not just saying, "hey, I want a baby and I am going to have one. If I have to collect assistance I will." really, really think about it. Think of those who suffer for your decision. Yes, you are only one person and it isn't like you are costing the world tons of money, but the fact is that you and everyone else who makes these same kind of decision together do cost others a lot of money. Instead of using our tax money to better our communities or to get the homeless off of the street it has to be used to feed babies conceived on purpose whose parents knew they could not afford to feed them. Doesn't that homeless person who already exists deserve to be fed clothed and sheltered before you get to have another baby that the government will support?
Here, for food stamps and other various types of welfare, the person must work for it. Depending on the amount of food stamps you get, you have to work x amount of hours doing community service every month to cover it. Really, these people may as well get out there and get a job and spend their money as they wish. If they need it for food, so be it, but then if they need it for something else, then they could use it for that. Instead, they collect foodstamps, but really are working for them. I feel it should be the same way for wic. Not for single parents who obviously wouldn't have the time, but for people such as yourself who plan a pregnancy which involves collecting government support. You should have to work for the cost of what you receive in wic. Then, maybe you would be more realistic and just go out and work a ten or fifteen hours a week at least to pay to feed your child.
You have already remarked that you don't give a hoot about the people who will ultimately support you. You don't care that we have to work extra hours or extra jobs because of all of the taxes taken out of our checks to pay for people such as yourself to have children. We cannot think of having children because we already cannot afford it regardless of how many hours we work because we are paying to raise your children.
You have also remarked that you don't care about people without children supporting you either. I ask why? Why is it that you don't care how many people you make suffer to get this child? Why can you not just work for a year, save money and then have a child? Why can't you wait until your fiance is out of school, more settled in a job with insurance and actually has the time to spend with this new baby you plan? Would it not be better for all involved? I mean, even put aside the people who will be planning to raise your child if you have on now....Is it still not better for you, your fiance and this baby if you wait?
I do not doubt that you are a great mother or that you would love this child more than life itself. But, parenting starts before conception in some cases, this being one of them. Planning for a child you know you cannot afford right now and that will have no time with her father is selfish. You aren't thinking of this baby at all, you are only thinking of you and your wants.
Be a good mother even before the egg is seeded and wait.
You can and will do what you wish and that is your perogative. But, please do this one thing first. Put aside your one track mind for second....Put aside your pride in having to be right in this matter...No one on here will know your thoughts unless you post them, so don't think of us or anyone, but you and your family for a moment. Would it really be that awful to wait a year or two? Do you really want people to have to suffer and work themselves to death to support your child? Since you don't care for the people without chilren, then consider those people with them. Do you really think it fair or right that they work extra hours or an extra job, and spend that time away from their own children only to pay for yours?
Think of the single mother, as yourself once was, who are out there working their butts off to support their child, and yours, while you will be at home with your new baby (that you could have waited for) collecting their money. Can you really live with yourself if you plan and follow through with this.
Don't just think how wic/medicaid, etc. Is there for the taking. Think who it is really there for. It is not there so people can put aside the fact they cannot afford to have children and have them anyway. It is for the people who already have children, work their butts off but still need assistance. It is for those unable to work due to health reasons, but need the money to survive. Would it not be better to spend this tax money on the homeless? Those who are truly in need and not just taking advantage of a system?
Just please, please think of all of these things before doing anything drastic. If you really needed assistance I would not even be posting any of this, because I don't have a problem with people who need assistance collecting it. But, you don't need it! You can do it on your own, but you choose not to and that is just incomprehendable to me. I don't doubt you are an intelligent girl. So, why don't you use your intelligence to achieve some great goal? Why not go to school, get a degree, get a wonderful career where you can be home with your children and then have another? You don't have to have a child right now and depend on others so why do it?
Anyway, good luck to you, but please just consider those whom you are hurting, including your not yet conceived baby. Even if all works out with what you are planning you cannot plan a pregnancy based on assistance. Not only is it wrong and illegal, it is not dependable. If the rules are changed, you could lose it and then who would feed your baby?

Listen to me.... I am going to have this baby....Not because i'm all like "whatever" but because I have thought it through and it is what we both want. The homeless could get jobs too but they don't. I do work. I care for other peoples children. We do make money...We do spoil our child and we are happy.

Then why the hell ask us if you should?! If you have money dont be a greedy person and try and get some from the government....Gosh you're really being ignorant.

I'm so thrilled that my taxes are buying your child happiness....Ewww this post is starting to make me sick. I can't believe how dependent other people are on other people and the gov't and they don't even care. Have some pride in yourself. There's nothing wrong with taking it if you need it (i'm on wic), but that's because i've found myself in an inevtiable situation. Grow up, get a job, buy the things that are important, and stop making others sacrifice for your spoiled child.

There is no perfect time to conceive a baby. Experienced mothers will tell you that no matter what time a year a baby is born, no matter how much money is ( or isn't ) in your bank account, no matter how long you've been with your partner or how old your other kids are, everything will work out just fine. You decide to have a baby when you feel ready, not when the world around you seems ready for it.


I think this sums it up pretty good!


(taken from lifescapes pregnancy journal)

Ya, great timing when you have to rely on everyone else to take of your baby.....Selfish....At first I was nice about this, but i'm really getting sick of it. Why would you ask for peoples opinions and advice if your just going to criticize them and not even consider it. Go make babies and live off of everyone else hard work for the rest of your life.....I'm not the one who has to live that, you are. Oh ya, and make sure you buy you daughter something real nice with my money...

First let me start off by saying that I am 22 yrs. Old and I have been married to my husband since the day I graduated high school 6 years ago one year early. Now tobabbymammahr01 you came to this site and asked forpeoples opinion. They gave you that. The first thing that you said was that you did not have the money to have another baby. But you want that baby so that is fine have your baby. But to say that you know of a program that will give you money for the baby that is a little selfish. Now you being on medicaid fine do it because the price of healthcare is totally out of control. But please sit down talk to your fiance and plan this out. He is getting ready to graduate college then at least wait for him to graduate. Now you are you will never ever be able to totally care for a child trust me I know me and my husband work and make about a total of 40, 000 dollars a year and it is hard raising the 2 that we have because living in ga is a bit much. Now if I couldget some help here I would take it let's just be honest but by being married I don't qualify. I don't want to jump on your case because that is just not called for. Every person in this world will have to live their on life. You made the comment that you didn'twant to put your child in daycare because they are all bad. But then you turned around and said that you take care of children. So theycan't all be bad or you are saying that you are abusing the kids you care for. You have pretty much made up your mind on having the baby and I don't want to talk you out of it because it can't be done. You have the help from your family use it. Leave the government programs out of it. Me all I have is my husband and my kids everything they get they get from me and himand yes they have all they need and most of what they want. But at least give them there best chance. Wait until he is out of school. And then start to work on making another baby. And if you think that you are really ready to have another child at give it a chance to do it without government assistance.

And don't home school your kid she may be smart and doing good at home with you but she needs to be around other kids. She needs the chance to go out and learn with other kids. If you are really raising here right no matter who she is around they will not be a bad influence on her.

The homeless could get jobs too but the don't! Are you nuts? Do you really thing that a person who is homeless is going to be able to get a job? No! You can't walk into a place with dirt and grime and the smell of feces all over you and get a job.
All we ask is for you to understand what you are doing, but you refuse to. There are starving people in this world and you are taking money that could be funded to help them! If you and people who make this same decision you have made wouldn't take this money then yes, the homeless could get jobs! There could be places for them to go and seek counseling, get food and showers, new clothes and get taught the skills to go out and get a job. But, no, you who are perfectly capable of getting off of your high horse and getting a job, wont do it. Instead you are going to take money away from those who truly need it (which those of us who work pay for) when you don't have to. I cannot believe how ignorant you are allowing yourself to be. I am not calling you an ignorant person, but you are being that way right now, and if you are as smart as you keep saying that you are, you would see that.
I have tried to be nice. I have tried to be stern, and I have tried to make you see the truth of what you are doing, but you wont even stop being selfish long enough to even think about the consequences of your actions. It is unbelievable to me.
I would love to have a kid in a year or two, but am I going to? Most likely not. Because right now even if I work three jobs I cannot afford it and I am not going to bring a child into this world that others will be paying to support! I am going to school to better myself and the lives of my future children (if I am ever blessed with them). I am not going to further ruin the lives of others (including my child!) by taking money from them to feed a child I could have waited for. Someone who cannot wait a year or two while working (even part time) to save money for a baby that they want more than anything, makes me wonder why there is such a darn hurry. Are you about to hit menopause? Do you have a disease such as endometriosis or cancer that is going to prevent you from getting pregnant in another year? If this was the case or something similar then I wouldn't have a problem in the world with you getting pregnant right now even if you would need support. But, this isn't the case. You just refuse to wait until you can provide for a baby and that is very selfish.

If it makes you guys feel good to call me selfish good for you. If you think i'm spending your money...Seeing I don't even live in the same state...Good for you. I am happy, so is my fiance and daughter. So will my baby. You can all kiss it if you think your little i'm right talks are going to change how I feel

How sad that you have to resort to telling us to kiss it. No, it isn't our money, but it is people exactly like us in your state whos money it is. I feel sorry for you that you wont respect yourself and your family enough to support them yourself. How truly sad.