Need Help Getting Over Someone... Posted: 03-14-05 11:29am
Hi all, I am 6 months pregnant I have been
on my own from the very beginning until
now. A friend of mine has moved in with
me and I have fallen for him big style...
I know nothing can happen because of the
pregnancy and it is driving me mad!
If he talks about another women I get
really jealous and upset, I like him
sooooo much but like I said before I know
nothing can happen. We are always
together and some people actualy think we
are a couple because of the way we are
with each other, he is very protective and
caring, he really looks after me, we have
even shared the same bed but havent done
anthing. Not a cuddle or a kiss, he just
sleeps directly behind me, practically in
my back!
The thing is his ex left him when she was
5 months pregnant and does not want to get
into a relationship with me as he might
get attached to my baby and get hurt
again... This is what he told a mutual
friend of ours... But when my babys dad
texts me (who is not a very nice person by
the way!), my lodger sent him a text back
telling him to leave me alone because we
was an item. I am so very confused and I
cant talk to him because for one I am too
scared, and secondly he has already told
our friend that he doesnt want a
relationship with me... I have tried to
get over my crush but it is hard with us
living together and him moving out is not
an option! Can anyone help me... Am I
going crazy or is it just these pregnancy
hormones that are intruding and making it
harder to get over my crush??? Please
help!
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
What Do You Want In a Relationship? Posted: 03-15-05 23:43pm
Itaz,
let me get the facts straight.
1. A boyfriend/former boyfriend (who you
say is a nice guy) got you pregnant.
2. You are now six months pregnant,
living with a guy who got a girl 5 months
pregnant.
3. You have a crush on this guy but you
have mixed signals whether he wants a
relationship with you. His ex-girlfriend
who is going to have his baby does not
want you to get attached to him because if
he gets attached to your baby and you
leave he will be heart broken. (is she
still in love with him and may want him
back?) he is sending the father of your
baby text messages that you want nothing
to do with your former boyfriend (is he
jealous of your ex, because your ex is
going to father your baby?).
What a love rectangle!
First of all, you need to get over your
crush and live in the real world. You
are going to have a baby! He is going to
have a baby! And your baby is not his
baby!
Before both of you can even consider
having a relationship, you both must
determine if you past relationships are
finished. It doesn't sound like they are
or there is no closure. You need to not
look out what is best for you both but for
your babies.
First, love is never confining but wants
what is best for the other person. You
may need to have a heart to heart with him
on what is going on in both your lives.
You both need to communicate and honest
with one another and sort out your
feelings. Find out if he loves his ex,
find out what he thinks about his baby.
I give him cudos for watching after you,
but is this guilt because the mother of
his baby is not allowing him to do this
for her. Before you both open the door
of a relationship with one another, you
must close the door with the ex's. This
could be difficult because either you
might make it work and the other it might
not make it work which could leave one of
you alone?
I would not go beyond friendship before
you both close the door on your prior
relationships. Especially since these
ex's will be in your life constantly
because of the babies you all are having.
You want the spark of your former
relationships extinguished so the flame
doesn't arise when you are in a committed
relationship.
Also, wait until the babies are born
before doing this. May be the birth of
these babies will change the way you and
he feel about the babies birth parent.
All I am really saying is you need to look
at the situation, and determine what is
best for you and your baby. You are in a
tricky situation and would take it slow so
the direction you move toward will be
permanent and happy.
Best wishes and congratulations! I do
wish you well!
Tomz
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Itaz
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 4 Location: Scunthorpe
Posted: 03-16-05 08:13am
Sorry I didnt make myself clear before...
The father of my baby is not a nice guy,
far from it. He doesnt want anything to
do with my baby. My lodger and his
girlfriend split up a while ago now, his
little boy is one, he said that because it
hurt him when they split up and she was
pregnant at the time, it is stopping him
from starting a relationship with me...
Thanx for the reply but I think I am just
going to try and foget him about him and
concentrate on the other changes that are
happening at the minute, these feelings I
have for him are just complicating things
for me at the moment.
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Sorry I Didn't Have the Facts Straight. Posted: 03-16-05 19:33pm
Itaz:
sorry I didn't have the facts straight.
First, if you baby's dad treats you badly
and can't change, you don't need that.
There seems to be closure there. The
only issue is if your baby may want to
meet their real dad/the dad may want part
in your babies life in the future?
Is your lodger over his ex? May be.
But, he may not be over his son.
The issue of your lodger getting attached
to your baby should not be an issue.
With the support he is giving you, he has
earned honorary uncle status for life.
Your lodger might realize how emotionally
vulnerable you are in your state. Take
the time for you to learn what is within
deep each of you. Laugh and enjoy one
anothers company. This may help build
your friendship farther without the
complications of sex.
Take it slow and develop your friendship
deeper!
Take care,
tom z
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Sorry I Didn't Have the Facts Straight. Posted: 03-16-05 19:34pm
Itaz:
sorry I didn't have the facts straight.
First, if you baby's dad treats you badly
and can't change, you don't need that.
There seems to be closure there. The
only issue is if your baby may want to
meet their real dad/the dad may want part
in your babies life in the future?
Is your lodger over his ex? May be.
But, he may not be over his son.
The issue of your lodger getting attached
to your baby should not be an issue.
With the support he is giving you, he has
earned honorary uncle status for life.
Your lodger might realize how emotionally
vulnerable you are in your state. Take
the time for you to learn what is within
deep each of you. Laugh and enjoy one
anothers company. This may help build
your friendship farther without the
complications of sex.
Take it slow and develop your friendship
deeper!
Take care,
tom z
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20writer
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2003 Posts: 23
Posted: 03-18-05 08:15am
Look, you've got to talk to the man you're
head over heels for. Especially if the
two of you have never brought up the
issue. Do not trust what you hear from a
friend! Even a good friend with good
intentions. It might have been the guy's
way of telling you how he felt because he
knew the friend would tell you. Don't
let him get by with that. Ask him.
Make it clear you aren't demanding
anything, you just want to know where
things stand.
And as embarrassing as it is, you need to
tell him about your feelings. It's not
healthy to sleep in the same bed if this
issue is going on. Hard as it might
(o.K., will) be, if he doesn't feel the
same, you need to change your living
arrangment. Explain to him that you
can't get over your feelings and it's
hurting you to be so near him wihtout
being able to be with him.
Don't cut him out of your life. I'm sure
he doesn't deserve that. But you're
going to be a mother. You'll have enough
emotional stress as it is.
