Single Parents Forum - Child of a Divorced Family


Child of a Divorced Family

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minnie31mouse

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Joined: 03 Nov 2003
Posts: 2
Location: Arizona

Child of a Divorced Family Posted: 11-03-03 15:35pm


I have a 9 yr old child who is getting (or has gotten) completely out of control. She blames everything on the fact that her dad and I divorced. We have been divorced 5 yrs with 5 custody battles behind us. Recently her behavior and attitude was so bad I relented and granted her wish to live with her dad. Since then, things have been noticeably worse. Can anyone help?????

Fairy*Godmother

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Another Product From a Divorced Family! Posted: 11-03-03 19:22pm


Hi, not sure if I can help, but can tell you from my parents splitting when I was 5, been married twice and divorced twice with one child and step children................Voice of experience? Your daughter is trying to put the scapegoat on you. She is acting out in anger and from hurt and pain she herself is feeling. She does not know any other way to express these feelings. Its a lot easier to blame your "divorce" as her reason. She definately need to go to a professional child counselor who will work with her thru this. From the way you described her, this has gone on far too long. Also, who is the adult here. I am not trying to be nasty, this was the first question I was asked with my step daughter. You are the one who makes the rules and the one who has to enforce them. By allowing her to act out in this unacceptable behavior. She thinks she can do this over and over. Now, she has even munipulated you both into letting her go and live with her dad. You need to seek professional help. She will be upset and say things she does not mean, but in the long run, she will thank you for caring enough to help her to get her emotions and life back on track. She will realize just because her parents are no longer together, does not mean they both do not love her. She needs to feel unconditional love and be reassured you both will always be there for her no matter what. Good luck to you and your family. Hope i've kinda helped!

minnie31mouse

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 03 Nov 2003
Posts: 2
Location: Arizona

Child Divorce Posted: 11-04-03 10:31am


Thanks...I already knew she needed counseling but dad is refusing saying everything is fine. I called her new school and they have noticed behavior problems as well...New for her. I spoke to a child psychologist yesterday and am in the process of straightening out the never ending insurance battle to set the appt. I know she is angry and feels no love....But not from lack of trying. What else can I do to show my love without always yelling at her for her behavior or punishishing her to her room??????? I thought I had tried everything but am willing to listen to any offers of suggestions. Thanks.

glitter8370

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Joined: 04 Nov 2003
Posts: 135
Location: bc canada

My Parents R Divorced... Posted: 12-24-03 00:36am


Hey hey my name is christina I am 16 years old and my parents have been divorced since I was 5.. Although I dont remeber that much of my parents speration or divorce I had a hard time dealing with,, which your daughter is dealing with aswell... I went through the same thing I started having a major attitude not just at home but everywhere I went.. I think the reason I went through this was because no one ever sat me down and spoke to me about what happened or got my true feelings on it... My mom finally did this when I was 12.. She didnt do it when I was in trouble she just did it out of the blue.. She came into my room and asked to talk to me.. She asked me if I understand why they split up.. At first I didnt want to talk or hear wat she had to say.. But since she kept trying I thought I would give her a chance and listen to her... So the time I decided to listen to her she explained and gave reasons about why they split then she asked me how I felt and wat I remebered and how I have been feeling about the seperation.. Even though me and her didnt agree on what we talked about we still got to say our peice and at least felt something had been accomplished... My advice to you.. Is if you havent already sit ur child down one on one and talk to her... Dont talk to her like she is a 9 year old child... Even though thats what she is.. But if u talk to her that way she will act that way.. Explain what happened and even how u felt when the divorce happened.. Even though it may be hard... Dont get discouraged if she does not want to listen or makes u feel like you shouldnt of said anything ... In the long run she will appreciate what u have just shared with her... Good luck!!

nadeentears

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Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 78
Location: Canada

Child of Divorced Family Posted: 03-01-05 14:27pm


This is normal reaction for 9 years kid. Try to be patient with her. It will take her time to cope with your divorced. One thing can help if you keep a good relation with her father (ex husband ) both of you should see each other from time to time with your daughter too this will help her to overcome your divorced, both of you have a daughter,so don't cut this relation. She has to feel that both of you taking care of her and love her. With the time she will understand and appreciate what you have done for her.

Jubilee

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Joined: 01 May 2005
Posts: 1

Posted: 05-01-05 15:42pm


Im a 13 teen year old girl who has divorced parents. They divorced when I was three. I didnt get to see my mom for two years starting when I was 4 and after that there were supervised vistits. This was all because the courts said my mom was mentaly ill and that my dad was fine. It is really the other way around. My dad had done some really bad things to me and my mom when they got divorced yet he was the one who got full custody. He never talked to me about it at all and I just thought that that was how divorces went(i didnt know anything different) only last year my mom got joint custody and then she told me what happend. Now she is in the middle of trying to get full custody and now I feel myself filling up with anger. I feel confused and sad and upset. All I want is for everything to be normal. Your daughter probably feels similar and doesnt understand why all her friends parents live happily and so many normal things for her friends such as seeing their parents kiss or hug is sooooo forien to her. She probably feels different and just wants to be like everyone else but cant do that so she just expresses herself in anger. I have to go to a therapist but it doesnt help me. What I need is someone who has gone thro something similar as me to talk to, maybe thats what your daughter needs. I know that you started this post almost two years ago but if you do happen to look maybe this helps.

lilsam2701

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Joined: 02 Sep 2005
Posts: 74
Location: stoke-on-trent,England

Posted: 09-03-05 15:59pm


Hi! I'm 19 and my parents divorced when I was 3. I am now a single mum myself. I can't remember nothing about when my parents divorced but can I just say I think you should try and make sure your child can have a good relationship with both parents. When my dad left he left my mother to bring up 6 kids on her own. 1 was from a previous relationship but the rest of us were his kids. All of us wer under 7. My dad never tryed to get in touch with us. When I was 12 I decided I wanted to find my dad. My siblings weren't too optimistic and I turned to alcohol. I think this was to blot out the pain because I felt that my dad didn't want me. I lost my virginity when I was drunk aswel not a good thing something i've always regretted but I also think this could be a reason why I had my first kid so young. I met my dad 18 months ago. We managed to contact him and we met at my sisters wedding. He had remarried got divorced again and had another daughter who is now 15 who I totally adore and he had a new girlfriend. My 3 kids have different dads. The oldest dad is really supportive he is a big part of her life and because we were together for 3 and a half years we are really close still. My youngest dad is al so there. But the dad of my middle child isn't. He went to prison because he raped me and another ex girlfriend when he got out he took me to court for full custody of our daighter claiming I was an unfit mum. He obviously lost and because he lost he decided he didn't want to be a part of my daughters life. He's back in prison now. I'm dreading when my middle child grows up and starts asking why her brother and sister see there dads but she doesn't see hers.I hope she doesn't turn to alochol or anything like I did and I hope she doesn't resent me for it . I won't know until the day I have to explain things.