Depression Forum - I Dont Want to Be Alive .........wish This Life Ends  Soon
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I Dont Want to Be Alive .........wish This Life Ends Soon

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abcd123

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Mar 2005
Posts: 1
I Dont Want to Be Alive .........wish This Life Ends Soon
Posted: 03-18-05 10:42am

Hi I just feel like crying whole day ...... I have to study but as I sit to study I start crying .....I dont feel happy with my life .....I feel its a very long life & wish it ends soon ....

Whole day I m alone at home & my husband comes back in evening ....... Whn hes around I dont cry ....... We r in a country were we have no one no friends relatives etc .......Its just I know my husband in this country ....... Its been 1& 1/2 yr we got married

i found tht I m pregnant now but still instead of being happy I m feeling sad & depressed & I just cry whole day ........My husband has not seen me crying

but its not this baby thats making me sad .......Actually wht is making me sad is my husbands nature .....He is a person who cant trust anyone in his life other than his elder sister & her family actually he is too much into his sister ........ He has other sisters but he does not go tht well along with thm ....... He has kept picture of his elder sister & her family in our bedroom & is much more concerned abt tht picture too tht something does not cover tht picture .......Also whn we were in the country were all his my relatives r thr ... We were thr for a month ..He was a different person thr .....He hardly ever talked to me .I did not even knew wht was going on in his life wht all he was doing .........He was just at his home at night to sleep & for lunch rest his time .....He just spent saying he was busy either with phone with his sister & her husband or either going with them everywhr .... For work purpose or shopping or whtever or at their place ........He had bought a new house thr but he did all other shopping with his sister .....& I didnt even have a clue whr he was going nor he did even tell me tht he bought this for tht house or whtever ........ He just had sex with me during night thts all thts whn he needed me whn his sister is around ........... Also he did not even care sit next to his grandmother ....... Keeping himself busy with all work etc ......... But hes a differnt person .........

Here in this country he is a different person..... He has changed than before to some extent he shares with me everything he talks abt everything his work etc his school ........Hes a nice person here ....He cares for me ....... He likes to see me happy ..... But still he cant trust me or anyone else for anything ........ Last month he asked me tht I was not doing something weird tht I was not getting pregnant ........

He is not a normal person .......... Thr is something weird in him ........& I dont feel happy abt something in my life .............I dont know why I feel sad ........... He does not know whn he hurts me by saying or doing something ........ Or if I will tell him anything he thinks wht he does is always right & he thinks himself to great thn everyone else in the world & may b thinks tht is best in everything & wht he does is right .............. But may b I dont feel happy I dont know abt wht ....... But abt my life ...... I dont want to live long .. I wish my life ends soon ......... I feel like crying whole day ........ I feel like a loser .......... I cant talk this to anyone ........ Actually I have no one to talk to .......... I dont know how to make my mind happy & concentrate on studying ........... I dont know will my life change or will something good come to me anyday ........ I just pray to god how will something change in my life ......... I need to be happy now for my kid & I want to be for my kid but I cant .....I m more sad everyday 7 just cry whole day

i dont expect anyone to even read or think abt it ........ But its just I was feeling very sad & wanted to talk to someone who can understand wht I m going thro ......... So I just wrote something to feel tht I talked to someone ......... If I would had been lucky tht I would have been able to talk this issues........Whn thy happened to my husband thn it would made difference .......... But now its like like useless talking anything to him .......Coz at the end he will prove tht he is right... He did was correct .. .. & end proving tht he is great ........I m not a good talker & I cant argue ........ But my husband will never understand tht he has many times hurt me by saying something ........ May b I m too sensitive .........& its all tht it comes back in my mind ........Which makes me more sad ........

May be I will have to live till god takes away this life ......... But just wish I dont have a long life

thanks .........May be I felt tht I talked to someone
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20writer

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Oct 2003
Posts: 23

Posted: 03-18-05 11:38am

O.K., first of all, you have to focus your effort on ending the thoughts about your life ending. That's dangerous and you're carrying a baby.

Which brings me to my next point. Sometimes being pregnant can cause feelings of depression. You must discuss this with your doctor. Sometimes things that don't bother a lady before she gets pregnant suddenly bother her a lot.

However, if you are unhappy in your relationship, you should look at ways to fix or end it, not wish your life should end. Tell your husband how you feel. If he ignores or belittles you, consider leaving the relationship. That is a sad thing with a child coming, but it's much worse to bring a child into an unhappy home.

It seems as though you are lonely too. I hope you can find some company in your life, but until you do, these forums can be very helpful. I hope you feel better!
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Taylie

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 2
Location: Australia

Posted: 03-19-05 00:06am

First think I feel I should say is I know exactly how you feel. 4 weeks ago I was going through the same emotional state. All I wanted was for my life to be over so I didn't have to feel anymore pain or suffer from my depression any longer. The only thing that kept me going was my 7 yr old daughter and a great shrink. The one thing he said to me in my very first session was ' you don't have to kill yourself....Just kill the things that you think makes your life not worth living'.
Everybody has something to offer other people. If your stuck at home hop online like you have done here or go to a chat room and meet some people or join a club in something you feel you might enjoy or see if there is a 'expecting mothers' club you can join. I know that at the moment this might seem like a very big thing to do but once you start to feel better it will be very helpful to have friends outside the house.
Go and see your dr and see what he/she recomends you do. Some medication can harm your baby. Start doing things that make you feel good. If this happens to be a very long hot bath then do it, if it's painting your toe nails then do it. Start looking after you.
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hellyskiia1

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Mar 2005
Posts: 4
Location: Long Island

Posted: 03-28-05 21:55pm

It really seems like you need to talk about your troubles more often. Try writing whats bothering you every single day, this will help you a little bit. The most important thing, is for you to see your regualar doctor (or find a doctor if you dont have one) and tell him or her everything that is bothering you. It is there job to make sure you feel better, not only physcially, but mentally as well. They might offer you tips and treatments for feeling better, and they might recommend a therapist for you to see, which would be very good for you. The cost is usally covered by health insurance or goverment aid if you cannot afford insurance.


These websites will also be helpful, and give you an idea of whats going on in your mind:

http://www.Depression.Com/ (for understanding and treating depression)
h ttp://www.Afsp.Org/ (help with suicidal thoughts)
http://www .Caringforkids.Cps.Ca/babies/depression.Ht m
(depression help for pregant women)


this website has a list of toll-free numbers in every country and in every language that will help you with sadness and thinking about ending your life:
http://www.Suicide-helplines.O rg/


if you still need someone to talk with, please email me at
hell yskiia1@hotmail.Com
ill be there to listen and hopefully help you.

-tim

ps: you are not alone. 1 in 10 pregnant women have depression and always very sad. There is help for you.
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