Joined: 21 Mar 2005 Posts: 1 Location: new hampshire
Id Like Some Help - Sorry If Im Looking In the Wrong Place Posted: 03-21-05 23:30pm
Whenever my girlfriend is in the bathroom
I do what I can to watch her
(shower/changing/going to the bathroom).
Whenever she is sleeping I have the urge
to touch her(ive actually brought her to
multiple orgasms in her sleep). Although
I have recently been able to reisist these
compulsions, I cannot get them out of my
head.
Not only do they not leave, but the urges
to see touch smell taste or listen to
things related to these things are very
hard to resist (listening to her in the
bathroom or smelling/tasting underwear,
etc) I dont know why.
I masturbate normally about 3 times a day,
although that can very drastically
depending on many differenct factors. I
nearly always have sex on my mind.
Regardless of what mood im in at the
time..
After dating for a few months and a year
and loved her like nothing else, I cheated
on her with somebody and cannot find a
reason why I did it. For a few weeks we
fooled around and kissed, as if we were
going out in secret, actually. I worked
with her and never really thought about
her outside of work. She was phyically
unatractive, 24, married, and had a young
daugher(i was a few weeks from 16). Also,
I never once came while I was with her. I
can find no reason for having done it
because I regret it to hell now.
That was almost 2 years ago, and taht girl
and I broke up a few months ago, although
stayed good friends and spoke of going out
again. I still love her very much.
However, despite that I still touched a
good friend of hers while the both of them
were sleeping in a bed with us 3 and one
other friend of ours. I dont know why I
did that eitehr - although she was
attractive, its no excuse. This was the
other night.
Shes not talking to me over that last bit.
I strongly feel that I am far hornier than
a normal person, and it is seriously
effecting my life. I would very much like
to not be, so if anybody knows anything I
can take or soemthing, it would be
helpful.
I realize this is probably not the place
for this, and im sorry if you think its
not. I think its probably more of a
mental medical question up, but I figured
id put it out there anyway.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-22-05 01:22am
Does your girlfriend know that you spyed
on her while she was in the bathroom, and
smelled and tasted her underwear?
I would definately see a counselor. You
can't just get a pill that will make your
sex addiction go away. Seek therapy and
it should be able to help you.
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Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-22-05 10:57am
Believe it or not, what you're going
through is normal... Raging hormones, and
you're absolutely right.. It can destroy
your relationship life and does for many
many people.
The odd thing about this problem is that
it's not actually psycologically driven.
It's a physical temptation that creates
psychological desires. There are a lot
of older men seeking therapy about this..
While it's great when you're a teen, or a
young adult.. As you want to settle down
it really does get in the way.
Fortunately, there are both pills and
injections available to control this. It
should be done with doctor supervision,
but there are lots of guys out there who
have access to these types of drugs.
If you need more information, feel free to
pm me.
Take it easy,
justin
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-22-05 13:51pm
Sex addiction is psychologically driven.
If that is ultimately your problem than
yes, you would definately need therapy.
If indeed that isn't your problem and it
is some hormonal imbalance, then I suppose
that what justin speaks of would help.
I find it hard to believe that spying on
someone when in the bathroom and tasting
their underwear is normal in any way shape
or form, but then again, what do know.
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Justin_Toronto
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Jan 2005 Posts: 418 Location: Toronto, ON
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
Posted: 03-22-05 16:46pm
hotasfrick
wrote:
sex addiction is
psychologically driven. If that is
ultimately your problem than yes, you
would definately need therapy.
If indeed that isn't your problem and it
is some hormonal imbalance, then I suppose
that what justin speaks of would help.
I find it hard to believe that spying on
someone when in the bathroom and tasting
their underwear is normal in any way shape
or form, but then again, what do
know.
you'll be surprised... Personally I find
it perverse as well, but it happens to a
lot of guys. Spying is something a lot
of men seem to get a kick out of.. Not
only when women are naked, but even around
the office or classroom. From the
reading i've done it seems guys simply
enjoy appreciating the female figure
without being noticed. The concept
behind guys sitting around in a dark strip
club and watching girls on stage.
The scent of a woman can quickly turn a
guy on, and apparently there are lots of
'normal' guys out there that both enjoy
smelling women's clothes, and also enjoy
wearing women's clothes after they have
been worn. It's odd, but apparently
there are so many men doing it, it is
finally beginning to be exposed as
'acceptable'.
again, I find it a little twisted... Used
underwear doesn't appeal to me, nor from
an xxl woman, nor from a woman who no one
knows (what diseases does she
have?!?)..... But, she is just one of
many women who sell these things for over
$100 and does well. In china there are
stores open with used unwashed clothing
from girls for sale, and the money they
make is ridiculous. Last year they just
added screening from who can sell their
used clothes because there were many
highschool girls making money on the side
doing this. Again, twisted, but as it
becomes more public it becomes more
acceptable.
I try not to judge. There was a time
when anal intercourse was taboo, or using
blindfolds, candlewax, handcuffs, and
other forms of eroticism was considered
'sick' and that it makes both men and
women 'mentally unstable'. As things
became more public and more and more
people began doing it and acknowledging
it, it has became more accepted as just
something 'extra kinky' and made people
more curious.
Different strokes for different folks.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-23-05 13:28pm
I try not to judge too. I will say
though (and not trying to be rude) but if
I caught a guy spying on me I would kick
his ass! I could not be with anyone who
did such things to me as they scare me.
I personally wish that anal sex stayed
taboo. I know lots of people do it and
this is just my opinion but it is
unnatural and quite disgusting. And it
is a great health risk also which makes me
wonder why so many do it. I wont even
date anyone who doesn't also find it
repulsive. But that is really it.
Either you find it disgusting or you don't
and I am one who does. I mean, I don't
care if others do it, but if anyone even
tried such on me I think I should press
charges!Haha!
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Words of Wisdom Posted: 03-24-05 22:12pm
Hi life!
Trivia question, who wrote this saying,
"why do I do what I don't want to do, but
what I don't want to do, I do? It sounds
like it applies to your circumstance! I
will tell you later.
There is a chinese proverb of a man
struggling with issues. "he states the
force is like two different dogs which try
to pull him in two opposite directions."
his friend asks him which one wins, the
man states, "the one I feed the most."
sex or your sexual urgings are not the
problem. You have deeper underlying
issues you must recognize and find these
issues. The cheating is just the result
or fruit of these issues.
Sex is a great pleasurable act to do with
someone you love. It is good. Our
sexual urgings is what drives us to look
for companionship and if looked at the
right way, it directs us to the girl we
want to spend our life. I believe this
is as long as we control it. I don't
know of too many men who don't go through
the hormone/sex drive in our teens and our
twenties.
What makes man different than a dog? We
can think and choose not to fall into
temptation. We can choose not to hurt
those we love (our girlfriend/our wives).
We can choose not to put ourselves into
tempting situations where we may do what
we don't want to do. Are you a man or a
dog?
I frankly don't know what your root
problem is but let me spectulate.
1. You were not given a good role model
by your parents on how a man should treat
a woman (and visa versa). My parents
even though they stayed married were not a
good role model how a man should treat a
woman. It screwed me up initially in
dating relationships. Luckily I was able
to learn from the several relationship I
was in, learn from other couples and
friends from my mistakes, and eventually
learn enough to be the right person for my
wife. It took me many years. You may
need to find out what a healthy dating
relationship is. (it is not cheating or
being led to cheat on your girlfriend.)
look at healthy relationships.
2. You don't have self worth. Your
response is that you are sorry and may be
hard on yourself. It is good you feel
remorse. But do you feel remorse because
you cheated or you were caught and ruined
your relationship? You tell me. If you
have self worth, I believe you set a
standard on the type of girl you are
looking for (within reason) and don't
settle until you find someone who is right
for you. Your girl should have the same
desire.
Most people want to find the right person
to share their life. Men want to find a
women who will love and respect them.
Women want to find a man who love and
cherish them. The right relationship
helps to complete us and add strength and
cover our weaknesses.
3. Life, you don't suck at it. In
having a mind, you have the ability to
learn from your mistakes and be a better
man. You have control of the directions
you go. If you feed your lust, you will
only be a dog. If you feed your
character, you will be a great guy. You
choose. I have to say, if you truly love
a girl, you don't set yourself to hurt her
and to cheat on her. Learn to be the
right guy. You should never stop
striving to be a better man. (later on
in life, husband, and later dad, and later
grandfather, etc.)
you are young and have so much to look
forward. Pick yourself and move on.
Apologize to your ex if she will let you
but don't expect her to take you back. I
doubt if a girl cheated on me several
times I would trust her but I can learn to
forgive her.
You may need to find some help/counseling
or even mentor with another guy if you
know of a good role model.
I hope what I shared can give you some
insight on yourself and situation. Other
people may have some insight. I am sure
you can look deep down inside you and
determine some of these underlying issues
if you are honest with yourself.
If you have any questions or comments, let
me know!
By the way, the quote I listed was by the
apostle paul in the book of romans (chpt
7)in the bible. All of us face
temptations of many kind, but we do have
ability to do right if we seek the right
path. It doesn't mean we won't make
mistakes, but we live with grace, without
condemnation, and with forgiveness if you
choose the right path. My goal is not to
preach but to encourage you seek the
truth.
Best wishes,
tom
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-25-05 00:21am
I just wanted to add something to my last
post in case it seemed mean or anything.
I just seriously didn't realize that the
sniffing of underwear thing and the spying
thing was common and it really shocked me
to learn that it was. I am not judging
you or trying to say there is something
wrong with you by any means. It just all
struck me as odd that it is more common
than I thought.
But, the smelling of underwear thing can
actually be attributed to animal instinct.
Human beings do give off sexual scents
to attract the opposite partner (which
grossed me out when I learned that in
anatomy) just like animals do. Maybe you
are just able to notice them as some
people (such as myself) are not. I
always said if I smelled anything down
there on a guy I would run for the hills!
But, to some the scent (maybe not even
when realizing it) it does turn them on.
That could be why you do that, but I am
just brainstorming.
Anyway, good luck to you. I really hope
you can find a way to get rid of these
urges as they are problemsome to you and
that you can find happiness.
