Single and Struggling Forum - Making Peace With Myself And Giving Up


Making Peace With Myself And Giving Up

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thecling

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Jackson MS

Making Peace With Myself And Giving Up Posted: 03-22-05 13:20pm


Today I have made a decision. After 30 years of waiting for someone to see the true me behind the large body and shyness, I am giving up the search:( . I don't think there is someone for me at 43, and the earliest I accept this the earlier I can get past the stages of grief and get along with the single life. Life is too short to waste it trying to show my greatness to those who don't care. I know what I can give to some lady -- humor, love, a great family support system, and lasting loyalty -- all qualities that should mean something. But I am on the out while the worse bums there are get all the women. So i'm going to take the stages of grief (i'm on grief right now, and it's not easy at all :cry: ), and try to find meaning in being single in a couples world (which is really bad when you live in a christian and family oriented place like mississippi). I wish you all the best in finding someone, but as to what is the magic pill to make that happen, apparently caring, loving, being sensitive and having a great sense of humor is not it.

BADSAL

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 257
Location: PA

Posted: 03-22-05 13:57pm


Well that decision is for you to make. I hope you don't lose all those good qualities that you are proud of though.

thecling

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Jackson MS

Posted: 03-22-05 14:00pm


Thanks badsal. I'm keeping the qualities that make me what I am. I could never change those -- it is what I am -- frankenstein!! :d

BADSAL

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 257
Location: PA

Posted: 03-22-05 14:06pm


Frankenstein???

thecling

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 22 Mar 2005
Posts: 3
Location: Jackson MS

Posted: 03-22-05 14:37pm


Just joking... The emoticon was supposed to be a cap d...

BADSAL

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 257
Location: PA

Posted: 03-22-05 14:43pm


You know what- i'm a little ticked off the more of think about this. Poor you- you're big and 43 and don't have a significant other, so you are giving up. Well go right ahead. But let me tell you- being married to someone doesn't always mean bliss. Just like you said- life is too short to waste time trying to show greatness to someone who just doesn't care. That can be whether you are married or single. Happiness doesn't depend on your marital status. And grief---- grief is being married!!!!!

Horrace

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 1
Location: England

Posted: 03-31-05 17:47pm


Im 15, the same thing is happening to me, its getting me down. Everyone says "oh you're such a great guy" but it hasnt made a difference. I dont know what to do realy? Actually make an effort or just leave it and hope? Life seems a bit harsh...Looks like "nice guys finish last" is pretty honest?! Cheers

BADSAL

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Sep 2004
Posts: 257
Location: PA

Posted: 05-17-05 10:36am


Anything new thecling????

rainfalls

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 19 Aug 2005
Posts: 24
Location: minnesota

Not Always True Posted: 08-27-05 00:43am


Nice guys do not always finish last, it jsut sometimes takes a little longer, but then slow and steady wins the race right? Besides I am 36, nice looking and have never been married, so it happens when you dont look is what I think. My mothe divorced my dad when I was 12, she remarried when she was 50, so there is hope out there, she was single for a while and loved it, and is married now and loves him.

Atropos

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 15 Aug 2005
Posts: 16
Location: California

Posted: 08-27-05 22:14pm


Try online matchmaking sites :o don't give up 'til you've tried everything, I say. If you're single and truly unhappy, that is. As for nice guys finishing last, you may want to stop feeling sorry for yourselves(who ever complains about nice girls finishing last?), because that sure isn't attractive. =/

truckstophero

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Jul 2005
Posts: 84
Location: alabama

Posted: 09-05-05 20:03pm

horrace wrote:

im 15, the same thing is happening to me, its getting me down. Everyone says "oh you're such a great guy" but it hasnt made a difference. I dont know what to do realy? Actually make an effort or just leave it and hope? Life seems a bit harsh...Looks like "nice guys finish last" is pretty honest?!

Cheers

its getting you down at fifteen???? Holy moly.. You've got your whole life ahead of you.. Dont do something stupid and look for love before you have a chance to find out who you are.. Travel.. Experience the world.. Find out who you truly are.. Then find a woman.. In your early thirties or late 20's. Everyone I met who got married early said to me " I wish I had waited a bit longer.. There were so many places I would have liked to go, and so many different jobs I would have liked to try..."

youth is pricelesss

nightangel73

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Joined: 09 Nov 2005
Posts: 2378
Location: North Carolina

Thanks: 11

Thanked:1

Posted: 11-09-05 20:04pm


Well thruth be told is that if one is unfortunate looking no matter how nice and sweet and caring you will most likely not find someone. I think if one wants to find someone first thing to do is trying to look your best. If that means loosing 50 pounds then one should do it. Go to a hair stylist and try everyhaircut until you find the one you will look best and so on. But if you prefer to do nothing about it then it is definetly best to resign to love life and enjoy life as an eternal single.

Jessica_CF20

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy

Joined: 02 Nov 2005
Posts: 207
Location: NM

Posted: 11-09-05 20:36pm


To everyone you are all beautiful and not many like to hear this but god has a plan. And for some people single is the plan but you have to trust in him. And for you horrace your 15 believe me there is plenty of time lol

nightangel73

Extremely EHEALTHy

Joined: 09 Nov 2005
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Location: North Carolina

Thanks: 11

Thanked:1

Posted: 11-10-05 19:05pm


Well jessica it is true that god has plan but let's face it, if you let yourself overweight and you dress and clean yourself poorly you cannt think it is god has a plan for you to be alone. Doctors make good money right? But to be a doctor you have to study a lot, sacrifice a lot before you are able to enjoy the money etc. So nice compassionate words are nice but thruth is you got to works on your looks if you want to get someone. You don't eat a plate of food that doesnt look tasty right? Love is a need of every human being, everybody wants to be with someone to share love, I don't think that god wants you to be alone, but you have to help god to make it happen.

Loki_

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 20 Sep 2005
Posts: 29

Being Single Doesn't Mean Being Unhappy. Posted: 11-12-05 02:28am


Well, first off. Being single, as above, doesn't necessarily mean being unhappy. It's kinda being comfortable with who you are first, and loving yourself first. I just ended a relationship, and even though yes, there is someone there to back you up, it doesn't necessarily mean true "happiness." it also means, conflict, love, confusion, communication, good times, bad times. I'm not saying, give up on it. Just be open to whatever comes. Be happy with yourself first though. People shouldn't "need" someone else to make themselves feel affirmed, it has to come within yourself to be truly happy. I've given up on my relationship because 1) I wasn't happy in it 2) I don't think that we communicated well and 3) I wasn't happy with what I became. 4) I wasn't happy with who I was. Right now, i'm still trying to figure myself out. Lots of things are confusing, and if you choose to close the book, do so, but leave it open for anything that comes. Life's full of little quirks. Don't wait for it, just go with what makes you happy. And if it's being solo for a while, then do it with style and grace. Nothing's wrong with being single. Sometimes it's even better. Just do whatever makes you happy, whether it's with or without somebody. :wink:

nightangel73

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Joined: 09 Nov 2005
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Location: North Carolina

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Thanked:1

Posted: 11-13-05 23:48pm


I'm sorry if I am a little raw when I post what I think but I like to say things as they are. Being single does have it's advantages. You got less responsabilities, you don't need to worry about cooking, you can pass gas whenever you feel to (hahaha) but the big problem of being single is the no sex part of it. It's terrible. And there is nothing you can do about it except to masterbate. Sex is a need for any person that is normal. Getting married and having children are the things that makes life meaningfull regardless of the up and downs of it. People who are commitment phobics miss this.

jezz

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 13 Nov 2005
Posts: 7
Location: south africa

to the Beautiful Person Posted: 11-14-05 19:47pm


I don't know who you are but I feel that you are a really nice person who has a lot of positive qualities! Don't give up but don't go looking for love either, let it find you. People have been known to ge married reaaly late in life. You do have a significant other, don't give up on love.