Im 23 yrs old and me and my bf have been
together for 3 1/2 years. We never fight
but, when we do its really bad. Yesterday
I pissed him off and I got upset and got
pissed off,then I really got him mad
because I was screaming at him in front of
everyone and I know that was the wrong
thing to do but I could't handle what was
going on . I tried to talk to him, said
that I was sorry and he just has nothing
to say to me . This drives me crazy, I
suffer from anxiety so its gets really
hard for me to deal with being upset, we
go to bed and he just lays there and I try
to talk to him and he's just not having it
. So he falls asleep and im up all night
thinking about my life and I cant handle
him not being in it . I wake up and he
still has nothing to say, I mean I can
understand that he mad at me but, its like
he punishing me and its really making me
crazy. Please if anyone had any advice
please reply -thnaks-
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momto3
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Mar 2005 Posts: 1 Location: IN
Re: Broken Hearted Posted: 03-24-05 19:28pm
Boy! Do I ever know what your going
through! I've been married 25 yrs today,
since I was 19. I went through the same
thing with my husband, and i've found out
through experience the best thing to do is
nothing, just give him his space.
There's a book called men are from mars,
women are from venus. I highly recommend
it for all couples. You can get it from
any book store, on or off line.
I know the urge to want to talk everything
out with him is real strong, but when a
guy get's quiet he's gone into his cave,
and the worse thing you can do is go in
after him(ie, try to talk thing's out with
him) because ,according to the book, u
will get burnt by the dragon. And
believe me from experience it's
sooooooooooo very true!!
Don't try to draw him and talk, just let
him know your there to talk when he's
ready.
Sorry this is so long, but I hope it
helps. If you would like to talk email
me at sheran
n40@hotmail.Com
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Tamadrummer
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Oct 2004 Posts: 710 Location: Zephyrhills,Fl
Posted: 03-24-05 21:40pm
Great advice! I have not read the book
but when I clam up and "just lay in bed"
and "fall asleep" its because I am
thinking and dont want to say something
mean. I want time to cool off and be
ready to talk not yell.
I dont know what it is like to be a girl
but as a man I cannot deal with the
pressure of arguments and I just go into
the bathroom and read when it comes time
for arguments.
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lizzardlips
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 Mar 2005 Posts: 9 Location: Georgia
I See Posted: 03-25-05 02:46am
The only thing I can suggest other than
leaving him alone, is to try as hard as
you can to calm down before you talk to
him. Its harder to get people to talk to
you if you are really angry and crying.
Talking in a calm voice can help wonders.
I would make sure you tell him how it
makes you feel when he clams up like
that... Calmly. "it makes me feel
alone/scared/angry/etc when you do this.
Its really causing a lot of strain on our
relationship and I wish we can resolve
this before it gets too bad." or something
on the lines like that. The key is to be
calm.
Sometimes you can compromise. Give him a
certain amount of time for him to be alone
and in return you guys get to talk about
it. My fiance and I have come to that
agreement. It works.
I have actually been in the role of your
boyfriend. I used to have an ex who would
never leave me alone, when I all I needed
was to be alone. He cornered me, followed
me and even chased me in his truck when I
would run away in my car. Things like
that drove me crazy. Try to put yourself
in his shoes too.
If all fails, I wish you the best. I know
that in that previous relationship it got
to the point where I resented him for not
leaving me alone. It tore us up amongst
other things. Something like that is very
unhealthy and will cause a lot of pain and
frustration. I have been in your shoes
too with my 1st husband. Not as bad as
you, but he hardly ever listened to me.
He would leave me crying on the floor
because he couldnt listen to me. Arrgh!
Good luck
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-25-05 03:11am
Women want to be left alone when angry
too, that isn't just a man thing (as they
say)
he is just really angry and probably
embarassed. You were angry, I know, but
you shouldn't have yelled at him in
public. Fights with 99% of couples are
going to occur. Not always often, but
yeah, sometimes those occasional ones are
a lot worse then if you do fight more
often. Because things that have been
building up come out.
Just let him be until he is ready to talk.
I mean, not more than a week or
something is really wrong, but give him a
couple of days. When he does talk or let
you talk and actually listen, he will
still be angry and hurt, but more willing
to find common ground.
Man or woman, he is a person and all
people are different. I am sure that in
3 1/2 years you know him pretty well and
know what you said and did that made him
the angriest. Definately start with
apologizing for those things, but if he
owes you an apology then you need to get
that too. Don't just apologize to him
and say you were in the wrong to get him
to talk to you again. Let justice be
done!Lol.
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tomz
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2004 Posts: 62 Location: Pennsylvania
Men Desire Respect, Women Desire Relationship Posted: 03-27-05 20:48pm
Kmc,
i listened to the radio to a speaker.
The speaker asked a group of single men
and women a question. What situation
would you choose if you were forced to
make a choose, 1. Be married and non
feel repected or 2. Be single and
respected. According to the speaker, all
the men chose to be single and respected
and the women chose to be married and
unrespected. Women have more of a fear
of being alone for their lives.
The point is men do need to feel they are
respected by their significant other. By
yelling at your boyfriend in front of a
crowd of people is not repecting him.
Telling him what direction to take when
driving is not respecting him.
Men need to love and honor their women and
listen to their thoughts. Men need to
learn to communicate with their
significant other because women have
better intuition and a sixth sense then
most men. I couple should never go to
bed angry without attempting to talk about
the situation. As I guy, I do feel it is
my ultimate responsibility as the man to
make sure this doesn't happen with my wife
(we have stayed up hours after we have
went to bed trying to work disagreements.
Hurt feelings, misunderstandings, etc.)
when you love someone, you don't air your
dirty laundry in front of others.
In closing, we are all made different.
In any relationship, we need to learn to
magnify our strengths to solidify our
relationship and minimize our weaknesses
to make a solid, life long relationship
which grows stronger and closer.
Communication is the key in order to gain
understanding and insight in our
significant others. In your situation,
you need to talk to you man on why you
exploded to him in front of other
people.
If my wife finds she is lacking something
from me, she starts to become very
critically verbal to me. She cannot tell
me what the problem is. When I see her
doing this, I ask her why is she critical
and we do have long discussions on what is
happening.
Communication, understanding go along way
in building a relationship.
Best wishes,
tom
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-27-05 23:11pm
And this is all if you classify yourself
as a stereotype. I am a woman and I
would never marry and not be respected.
People are people and all people are
different. It has nothing to do with
being male or being female. Your sexual
organs do not determine who you are, how
you feel and what you desire.
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2ferano
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Dec 2003 Posts: 3717
Posted: 03-28-05 02:08am
Mature.
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lilphilli107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 11
Posted: 05-19-05 01:43am
Say this to him "if you truly loved me you
would tell me whats wrong" or somethin
like that.
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lilphilli107
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 19 May 2005 Posts: 11
Posted: 05-19-05 01:47am
Say this to him "if you truly loved me you
would tell me whats wrong" or somethin
like that.
