Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
the Torment of Sobriety Posted: 03-25-05 11:32am
Dry drunk is one word for that miserable
place.
It’s not that drinking (one may
substitute any mind altering substance for
liquor) did something to me, it was that
drinking did something for me.
If drinking was my problem, that would be
great!
All I had to do was quit, and all those
unpleasant things will stop happening. If
drinking was the problem, rehab centers
and detoxes would graduate success stories
all the time. No more alcohol in the
system, no more problems.
It’s when I know what will happen if I
drink, my wife will leave me, my kids will
hate me, I will lose my job, my self
respect, my home, maybe my life, and I
start drinking again anyway. That is the
difference between someone who just drinks
too much, and an alcoholic.
Men would tell me “don’t drink and
things would get better” I knew better
than that. When I didn’t drink things
went from bad to real bad, and they went
that way fast. I had nothing between me
and this hostile world.
Liquor quieted the committee in my head,
it changed this hostile world into a
kinder, gentler place. But the problem
was I couldn’t stay drunk, I always came
to. And that intolerable pain started all
over again. So there I was, I knew I
couldn’t drink, and I couldn’t stop.
That is the hard place we all find
ourselves in when we, having crossed that
invisible line into alcoholism, try to
change.
If we can’t find relief from the torment
of sobriety, we have no other real choice
but to start drinking again.
It doesn’t matter what path one chooses
to get sober, if that path doesn’t
produce happiness and comfort, we won’t
walk that path long.
As a man once told me, “yea that I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will screw walking, i’m gonna run as
fast as I can. Get my a** on the other
side of death valley, and do so
quickly.” i’m pretty sure he was
talking about his workin’ the steps with
his sponsor.
That is the trick to long term, happy
sobriety.
On the road to the good stuff,
richard s.
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kelsy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 May 2005 Posts: 10 Location: , UK
Thanks: 1
Thanked:1
Posted: 05-07-05 07:31am
But don't u find that life is so stressful
these days which is why more and more
people need "a drink" after a days work.
Of course life would be boring if we all
acted like "mary poppins" so we all have
our own "vices"
as long as the bottle doesn't overtake
your life,
a drink a day doesn't hurt anyone!
And it is certainly a stress buster!
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 05-09-05 09:46am
Kelsey…
i couldn’t agree more.
For people who can drink safely, a few
drinks after a hard days work in a genuine
pleasure. A great release from the cares
of the day. If I could do that, drink
safely, you can bet your sweet behind that
I would do it.
I can’t.
After years of trying every thing I could
think of to make my drinking work, and
never figuring out how, I finally ran out
of gas. I know I can’t drink safely. I
accept that.
Most people are not like me, they can take
it or leave it alone, good for them.
The only thing about your question that
gave me pause was the word “need” as
in “people need "a drink".
When I went from “a drink would be
nice” to “i need a drink” I went
from being able to take it or leave it
alone to having alcohol interfere in my
life.
Most people who don’t have alcohol
interfering in their lives, don’t end up
in places like this, posting questions
like yours.
“as long as the bottle doesn't overtake
your life”
truer words were never spoken.
Richard
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addled
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 13 Feb 2006 Posts: 3
to Shadowwalker Posted: 02-17-06 05:27am
Hi, shadowwalker,
i related a lot to your post, and I feel
for you. Have you been professionally
evaluated for so-called "co-morbid"
disorders aside from your drinking issue?
Like depression (could be mild and
chronic--that's still no fun), an anxiety
disorder, add, bipolar disorder, etc.?
Listen, if you have been sober a while
(more than few months) and you are still
miserable (or even more miserable), and
you are being honest with yourself that it
doesn't feel like it's still alcohol
cravings or withdrawal, and there's no
staring reason why your life circumstances
suck (being abused, in middle of divorce,
long-term unemployed and can't get work,
etc.) -- then you may well be right, you
may have another problem besides
alcoholism that still needs to be dealt
with. (which is no reason to go back to
drinking! You already know that doesn't
really help, and it will hopelessly
confuse the issue and make it impossible
to tell what might be going on with
youbesides the drinking.
But if you haven't, maybe it's time to see
the best psychiatrist you can find/afford
-- someone who specializes in "dual
disorders" would be good (that is,
addiction plus another mental health
issue). Getting sober was a huge first
step; but if you have, say, an independent
problem with depression, treating that as
well will make a world of difference in
how you feel sober (that is, okay instead
of miserable).
I know I had to figure out I was depressed
(as well as prone to alcohol abuse) and
get treatment for my depression before I
was able to stop "slipping" back into
using alcohol. If sobriety feels lousy,
it's hard to stay sober. If sobriety
feels good, it's so much easier -- not to
mention that you will feel so much better!
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shadowalker164
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Jan 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Tampa, FL
Posted: 02-17-06 11:55am
Addled…
thank you so much for your post. And your
concern.
It’s funny, about a year before I quit
drinking I went to my doctor and told him
I was having these terrible anxiety
attacks. I had this feeling of impending
dread and doom all the time and that I was
always afraid.
I of course said nothing about my drinking
until I fall down dead drunk every day.
We never level with people like that good
doctor.
He prescribed zoloft for me and I ain’t
kiddin’ it worked. Inside of a week or
two I started to feel much better. I took
my new good mood and went to the bar with
it. It is entirely possible that my
taking that zoloft kept me from hitting my
bottom for a year or so.
But my alcoholism aint gonna be done in by
some serotonin reuptake inhibitors. The
bottom awaits us all. In time even that
concoction couldn’t forestall the four
horsemen.
Like I said before, just quitting drinking
doesn’t fix a drunk like me. More work
needs to be done. It seems that I suffer
from a diseases that only a spiritual
experience will conquer. Not psychology,
not psychiatry, not pharmacology, I needed
a cure with more power than that.
I am much better today, I wear this world
like a loose fitting garment. I accept
this world, warts and all just as it is.
No rose colored glasses of any stripe.
And in turn, it cuts me a little slack. I
am on most days, a very happy man. Also,
I haven’t eaten any zoloft in years, I
don’t need to.
You are right addled, “if sobriety feels
lousy, it's hard to stay sober. If
sobriety feels good, it's so much
easier” I might take it one step
further, if one isn’t happy in their
sobriety, they have to go back to
drinking. They have no other real
choice.
But be careful, sometimes we confuse the
horse with the wagon. Am I depressed and
therefore I drink, or do I drink and
become depressed. You, of course, know
that alcohol is a depressant.
A life based on spiritual principals of an
alcoholic one. That, it seems is the only
real choice for drunks like me.
