Joined: 27 Mar 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Oceanside,CA
Help! What Is Wrong With Me.... Posted: 03-27-05 23:56pm
In a way I kind of know what is wrong with
me but my feelings go deeper and go way
beyond what my disorder says I am. 2
years ago I was diagnosed with "social
anxiety" I was always worried about what
people thought of me, how they viewed me
and constantly felt I was always being
judged. I could never speak in front of a
crowd without getting a panic attack.
But there is something else I am
feeling...When it comes to my
relationship:
my boyfriend has never given me a reason
not to trust him but yet every time he
goes out I cry my eyes out. I crawl on my
hands and knees and beg him not to leave.
I tell him I can't live without him and if
he doesn't stay I will die of sadness.
Then, when he does leave (especially if we
are fighting) I bury my hands in my face
and cry and cry for hours and hours as
hard as I can. I then feel as though I
don't have anybody and that everyone in
the world is out to get me. My sadness
that I feel at that time is unbearable, I
just want to go to sleep and sleep it off
so I don;t have to bear with the deep
sadness that I am feeling. It's
overwhelming. Also, other times we fight
I tell him to leave and when he does leave
I get in front of him and cry and tell him
not to go. He told me once he couldn't be
with me because of my "psycho" attacks and
I got so mad that a smacked him on his
face.
What is wrong with me!
I have everything in the world. I have a
great family, great boyfriend, great job,
great friends! But i've allowed myself to
get so attached to my boyfriend where I
don;t want him to have a life outside of
mine. I want him to never hang out with
his friend because I can;t bear to be
without him....
Something is wrong with me, someone please
help me understand!
|
ggshawy
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Apr 2005 Posts: 39 Location: herts
Posted: 05-23-05 19:12pm
Hi darling, I know exactly how u feel I
have panic attacks out in public on my own
because I feel everyone is watching me it
makes me terribly paranoid it doesnt help
I have obsessional compulsive disorder, I
know what is like with your boyfriend too
if me and my boyf had a fight I would cry
for hours I wouldnt go to work ect ect it
was because I depended on my boyfriend too
much he was my world and the only person
in it.
You sound like you may need medication or
councilling maybe because this is whats
brought me through it and made me stronger
now I dont batter an eye lid if he sleeps
downstairs after an argument I got
stronger and depended on myself ok im
still a bit jealous over him but im
certain that will go because iv come
through this you sound like you may have a
touch of depression babes so I would get
that under control before it gets worse
apart from that low self esteem doesnt
help I know just get stronger and depend
on yourself dont see your boyfriend as the
only person in your life theres a lot more
out there in life then your boyfriend
believe me he will only push you away and
resent you for it and the feeling when you
begin to get stronger and the worlds your
oyster because your doing it by yourself
is unberlievable!!! Good luck and take
care post me if you ever need anything
ok.Xx
|
cat1111
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 May 2005 Posts: 9 Location: ireland
Posted: 05-24-05 05:15am
First of all have u controlled these panic
attacks or are they still controlling u
because ive been there if you have not
your selfeesteam can be very low which
does affect your relationship you need
help have u done any councelling?
